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To ignore this mean old woman’s email?

(53 Posts)
tomboytown Tue 12-Nov-19 07:54:47

Old Aunty of my late husbands. Never met her.
She just said She thought my mil was selfish and spiteful for taking Dh’s ashes back to his country to be buried with his father.
Firstly it was my decision, mil didn’t ask.
He loved his country, wouldn’t wanted to have been buried here
Secondly, there’s more people there that will visit the grave
Thirdly, my son and I wouldn’t visit a grave, we talk to him whenever we feel like it.
And lastly mil isn’t even In that country, she lives some where else, so it’s not like she wanted it for herself.
So do ignore, or try to explain
She’s my mil’s sil, no love lost between them

tomboytown Tue 12-Nov-19 07:55:49

It's none of her business

HoppingPavlova Tue 12-Nov-19 07:55:56

Just ignore. Don’t feed it oxygen.

Reythemamajedi Tue 12-Nov-19 07:56:50

Yes, you do what you think is right foe you. And I'm sorry for your loss, hope you and your son are okay

SonEtLumiere Tue 12-Nov-19 07:56:58

“Thanks for letting me know, I’ll be sure to bear it in mind. Happy Christmas!”

SoupDragon Tue 12-Nov-19 07:57:51

If you do explain, a simple "It was my decision and in accordance with DH's wishes" would suffice - I don't think there is any reason for details.

Sorry for your loss flowers. I wouldn't want to visit a grave either

Fakeflowersaremynewnormal Tue 12-Nov-19 08:00:54


afternoonspray Tue 12-Nov-19 08:02:36

She's probably lonely, a bit bonkers, frightened of dying and has fixated on this as a way to express of all these emotions. Just let it go.

Myimaginarycathasfleas Tue 12-Nov-19 08:06:00

Rise above it, send a brief courteous reply worded exactly as Soupdragon suggests, then divert her emails to spam.

The spirit of your DH is not in his ashes, it's in your heart.

I'm sorry for your lossthanks

MumW Tue 12-Nov-19 08:13:26

Agree that if you do anything then @SoupDragon's words are perfect and then just ignore any further discussion.

My condolences to you and your

springcomeround Tue 12-Nov-19 08:16:54

I’m sorry for your loss .
SoupDragons wording is excellent

Derbee Tue 12-Nov-19 08:18:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Contraceptionismyfriend Tue 12-Nov-19 08:19:39

Honestly I'd tell her to keep her nose out and to not contact you again.

echt Tue 12-Nov-19 08:22:38

I'll get deleted for this, even though this is on AIBU: her age is irrelevant.

Sorry for your loss OP.


sunflowerfield Tue 12-Nov-19 08:23:58

It depends where you are, and where the ashes are buried. You may find comfort in talking to him wherever you are, but some people may find comfort in visiting their grave. I would have split the ashes and buried where you are and in his country, so people can visit if they wanted to.
Remember, she must be hurting too.

KnightandDay Tue 12-Nov-19 08:24:02

Soupdragon's reply is perfect, send that and nothing more. Then divert all further emails to spam.

echt Tue 12-Nov-19 08:26:51

Should have added that an explanation such as you have offered her would be the generous move.

None of the reasons offered, that so many posters have seen as reasons NOT to reply, are beside the point. She is a relation by marriage of your late DH and it can be hard to see how close they feel, even if you don't think they are.


HazelBite Tue 12-Nov-19 08:27:07

"I have received your email, the contents of which have been noted.

Kind Regards


That will drive her mad because she will have no idea what you are thinking, the interfering old bag doesn't deserve your time or thought, especially when you are coping with bereavement flowers

AlwaysCheddar Tue 12-Nov-19 08:28:31

Ignore her.

Goawayquickly Tue 12-Nov-19 08:28:47

I read this a bit differently tbh, it could be she’s trying to be supportive of you, although this was your decision it wouldn’t be unusual for you to have his ashes and bury or scatter them somewhere meaningful to you both. If she wasn’t fully aware this was your choice she may think MIL has taken over. just write back and explain.

I guess though there was more in the email than just that.

GertiMJN Tue 12-Nov-19 08:29:07

As she's slagging off someone else, I think I would feel I should defend MIL.
Soupdragon's response is perfect.

Slappadabass Tue 12-Nov-19 08:33:18

Your husband, and your child's father so 100% your choice. Ignore her, how dare she even message a grieving wife about such a thing, if she messages again tell her politely to fuck off.
I'm sorry for your loss X

BlindAssassin1 Tue 12-Nov-19 08:33:44

Feel free to say nothing at all. Your bereavement and your DH's wishes are not her business to interfere with. Your under no obligation to respond to unpleasantness.


StillCoughingandLaughing Tue 12-Nov-19 08:42:24

Tell her she can have her ashes scattered or be buried wherever she pleases - and not to feel obliged to wait until she’s dead.

StillCoughingandLaughing Tue 12-Nov-19 08:43:18

I'll get deleted for this, even though this is on AIBU: her age is irrelevant.

Why would this get your post deleted?

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