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To have a contract to ensure DP pays me back?

(115 Posts)
Mangobluesky Tue 12-Nov-19 07:06:48

Without going into details I’m in a position where I am essentially going to pay a large sum of money, of which DP owes half (so we should be splitting it 50/50 but he doesn’t currently have the funds). Less than £10k but more than £1k so I would really like to ensure I get the bit I am owed back.

I trust DP and and we have been together a few years but I always see people on here particularly saying how when you’re not married you need to protect yourself etc.

We’ve already agreed he’ll set up a regular standing order and should be able to pay it off over several months/a year but there’s a worry in the back of my mind that If we suddenly broke up for whatever reason he could just walk away and deny he ever owed it.

I do NOT think he is the type to do this and he is incredibly honest, I am just naturally very anxious about things.

However, would it be bizarre to draw up a contract/IOU so we have something in writing in case the worst happens? I’ve seen documents online that you can alter yourself, just sort of saying ‘so and so owes x, commits to pay back in instalments, dated and signed’

Has anyone ever done this? Feel free to tell me IABU and ridiculous but we aren’t married (plan to be in the future) so finances aren’t shared currently.

BillywilliamV Tue 12-Nov-19 07:09:53

Doubt it would be legally binding tbh! If you don’t trust him, don’t spend the money!

00100001 Tue 12-Nov-19 07:10:41

Well, it entirely depends on what the money is for.

Mangobluesky Tue 12-Nov-19 07:11:59

@BillywilliamV I do trust him and before coming on here I probably wouldn’t have thought twice but the ‘protect yourself!’ vibe has really got to me.

Maybe I’m just overthinking it.

Antigon Tue 12-Nov-19 07:12:03

YABU to lend him money. I doubt the contract / IOU will be legally enforceable.

The most incredibly honest people can turn nasty after a break - up.

ChilledBee Tue 12-Nov-19 07:12:05

I think it depends on the person. I think in most cases my husband was asked to sign something in those circumstances, he would sign it but he would distance himself from the person afterwards because he would view it as a lack of trust and trust is important to him.

I'd just sign it and see the person as cautious. Maybe they've been bitten before.

midnightmisssuki Tue 12-Nov-19 07:12:36

Not legally binding. Do you trust him or not?

SmileCheese Tue 12-Nov-19 07:12:51

I know some will come on and say it sounds sensible given that you are not married but surely you either trust him enough to pay the money and get it back or you don't.

I'm not sure I'd feel very comfortable with my partner drawing up a contract and expecting me to sign it. It all seems very formal for 2 people who presumably are in a happy relationship and I wouldn't like my other half insinuating we may break up in the near future.

WaterOffADucksCrack Tue 12-Nov-19 07:13:22

If you don’t trust him, don’t spend the money! very naive advice. Everyone who gets screwed over financially or otherwise always says they didn't think it would happen to them.

Do your research and get something legally binding.

Mangobluesky Tue 12-Nov-19 07:15:18

I do trust him and he is conscientious and will pay it back and calculate how long it will take him etc. I just fear if we had an unexpectedly horrible break up and it all went sour.

The same way people have pre-nups I suppose!!

It’s for something we are both benefiting from but ideally we would both be paying half towards it straightaway but as it stands I’ll pay more up front.

WaterOffADucksCrack Tue 12-Nov-19 07:16:04

I'd view someone who kicked up a fusd about it as suspicous! If they're trustworthy they wouldn't have a problem with it.

You only have to look at the relationships board to see how many people turn nasty following breakups.

Mangobluesky Tue 12-Nov-19 07:16:22

@SmileCheese. This is my worry - I don’t want to seem like a cold bitch!

Kiwiinkits Tue 12-Nov-19 07:17:31

It’d cost you more in legal fees or mediator fees to enforce it than the value you’re trying to protect

toomuchfaster Tue 12-Nov-19 07:17:34

I'm not sure why people are saying it's not legally binding. On the 'friend owes me money' threads the question is always asked about 'is anything in writing?' to prove to the small claims court it was a loan not a gift.
However, in this case, I wouldn't ask him because in the reverse I would be highly offended.

Mangobluesky Tue 12-Nov-19 07:17:40

@ChilledBee so would your husband not have wanted someone to sign something had it been the other way around and he had lent money?

Mangobluesky Tue 12-Nov-19 07:18:13

@Kiwiinkits. This is a very good point!!

flissity Tue 12-Nov-19 07:18:48

Is it a physical item? That , if you broke up, you could keep if you have paid the majority towards?

geekone Tue 12-Nov-19 07:19:01

I am sure it is legally binding so long as you have a proper witnessed contract. I also don’t think it’s weird. It’s your DP not your DH so I am sure that makes a difference legally speaking see here

Mangobluesky Tue 12-Nov-19 07:19:34

@toomuchfaster. This is why I asked as all I see is people saying things have to be in writing and you’re an idiot if you let DP live with you without a contract etc

Fair enough!

It’s really helpful to see these views anyway

SmileCheese Tue 12-Nov-19 07:19:53

If they're trustworthy they wouldn't have a problem with it.

I don't think that's a fair assessment. If I was in a happy relationship and all of a sudden my partner wanted me to sign to say I would pay money back even if we broke up it would naturally leave me feeling confused.

I would begin to wonder if they were maybe not as happy as me in the relationship and question whether they thought it was going to last. Most people in contented relationships don't start planning and writing contracts for what happens if they were to break up.

Hanab Tue 12-Nov-19 07:20:15

Always have a written contract with amount owed, time frame for payment, start date of contract and a signature .. a witness signature would help too .. anything signed is a legally binding contract ( I stand to be corrected)

RandomMoth Tue 12-Nov-19 07:21:17

Why is everyone saying it wouldn't be legally binding? Of course it would be if it was clearly stated.

It doesn't need to be drawn up by a lawyer, it just needs to be clear evidence of what was agreed

Mangobluesky Tue 12-Nov-19 07:22:21

Thanks @geekone. I’ll look at that!! Feels very odd to be putting this sort of thing in writing and I do worry if I’m being too cynical!

I’ve just been burnt by a relationship in the past and it has made me paranoid I guess.

Mangobluesky Tue 12-Nov-19 07:23:27

@SmileCheese. Is that basically what a pre-nup is? Agreeing how much you’ll get if you split up and usually protecting the partner who has a lot of money before the marriage?

Mangobluesky Tue 12-Nov-19 07:24:10

@Hanab. Thanks - have you done this?

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