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To be angry with MIL's demand

(153 Posts)
Arabiannights01 Mon 11-Nov-19 22:22:48

My DH has told me that his Mother wants our DS once a month for the whole weekend. I was really startled when my DH decided to whimsically make this statement on putting our DS to bed.

Aibu to be annoyed that: A) she didn't ask me, b) she makes no effort to see DS apart from the odd invitation to a family gathering twice a year, c) sick of hearing the odd snide comment about DS spending more time with my DM, d) think that as An ex social worker she should know better than to place a demand like this.

My DS has just turned two, he is a sensitive little soul and he hates being anywhere without me - it has taken two years for him to settle at nursery.

Another point to make is that they live 60 miles away from us and my DH often works weekends and long weeks so his time with DS is precious and I have told her this before.

AIBU? What would you say to her? Thank you.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 11-Nov-19 22:25:02

I'd tell her where to go! Politely of course but I would just point out to DH that his time with his son is precious and if she wants to see him she can come and stay for a weekend. End of.

katielilly Mon 11-Nov-19 22:25:12

I'd say that won't be happening and I'd want to know what your DH said in reply to that demand.

frazzledasarock Mon 11-Nov-19 22:26:00

I’d not say anything till she said it to my face. Then I’d fall about laughing.

Then I’d say ‘No’

I cannot fathom all these in laws wanting overnight contact with a baby/toddler on their own without parents present. I mean why?

GreySheep Mon 11-Nov-19 22:26:10

I’d say no. But I never quibbled when people tried this shit with DD. I didn’t want it so I said no. If people fell out with me then that’s their problem.

CodenameVillanelle Mon 11-Nov-19 22:26:31

That's ridiculous
My DS stays with my DPs for a week twice a year and has done since he was about 4. That works great.
A weekend every month is nuts.

Tolleshunt Mon 11-Nov-19 22:26:33

I’d tell her to jog on, for all the reasons you mentioned. Maybe when he’s older, but only if you, him and DH all want it too. Basically, she doesn’t get to dictate, and you call the shots. If you don’t like it, she doesn’t get it.

Neolara Mon 11-Nov-19 22:26:38

I would say "no, don't be silly. Ds is still tiny. Maybe he can come and visit you for a weekend when he's older, say aged 8 or 9". And repeat every time its brought up.

Equalfairy Mon 11-Nov-19 22:26:43

I’d just laugh and explain you thought she must have been joking.

wineisnecessary Mon 11-Nov-19 22:26:47

Say no of course what a ridiculous thing to request .
She's not asking to borrow your favourite top it's your dc . She can't just request she has him a weekend a month, just suggest that will make more of a effort to see her .

MumW Mon 11-Nov-19 22:27:52

That's very kind of you to offer to have him regularly but that doesn't work for us. End of, no more discussion. Why the hell didn't DH just say no at the time. - your son is clearly too young, not ready and not familiar enough with her. Watch carefully as you may have a DH problem that needs nipping in the bud.

DramaAlpaca Mon 11-Nov-19 22:28:08

That would be a definite 'no' from me, and it might not be a particularly polite 'no' either.

Quartz2208 Mon 11-Nov-19 22:29:55

you dont tell her anything

But you do frankly tell your DH he is being ridiculous if he thinks this is a good idea nd he better deal with it

DeRigueurMortis Mon 11-Nov-19 22:30:09

What to say?

It's a ridiculous idea for a whole host of reasons that I can't even be bothered to type as they are so obvious.

Your DH needs to tell her to back off and if he won't then you are part of the "you have a DH problem not a MIL problem" club.

Mishappening Mon 11-Nov-19 22:34:05

Well she can "want" to her heart's content, but you do not have to agree to this nonsense. Your job, as I am sure you know, is to defend your child's best interests regardless of how difficult that might be.

Your MIL is being utterly ridiculous and she should not put you in this situation. She has had her own children - it is your turn (and your DH's) now.

I am a grandmother - and I am happy to help when needed; but I do not see myself as having any right to demand anything. The GC's parents the arbiters of what their children do.

AutumnCrow Mon 11-Nov-19 22:34:44

Well he's already said yes, hasn't he? You're fucked. Or you could stand up to his wavering arse, and get really exasperated while he bullshits you.

champagneandfromage50 Mon 11-Nov-19 22:36:58

Oh here we go an arse hole DH clearly hasn’t said no and now your the evil DIL

JasonPollack Mon 11-Nov-19 22:37:10

Don't say anything since she hasn't mentioned it to you. Tell your DP there's not a chance in hell, and tell her the same should she ask.

1Morewineplease Mon 11-Nov-19 22:39:37

You say that your mother-in-law makes snide comments about your son spending more time with your mum. How much time does he spend with her?

Velveteenfruitbowl Mon 11-Nov-19 22:40:17

Are you sure that’s actually what happened? Maybe she politely asked you DH if this would be possible and he’s gone on to present this to you as a done deal, or presented it as a demand from MIL so that he can say ‘sorry mum, Arabiannights says no’

Zeb81 Mon 11-Nov-19 22:41:19

Say no.

TokenGinger Mon 11-Nov-19 22:41:17

You're using very strong words to dramatise what sounds like a simple ask.

Your title says she's demanded. Your post says she's asked DH.

I wouldn't be annoyed that she hasn't asked you, assuming DH is an equal parent. She's asked one of you. Any time your DM asks to have DS, does she formally ask you and your DH, too?

I do feel for MILs sometimes on here.

If you don't want her to, just say you think it'll be too much for DS and you'd like a different arrangement that still facilitates a relationship between DS and his grandmother.

Cheeserton Mon 11-Nov-19 22:43:05

What kind of dunce of a husband wouldn't have just said no in the first place? Why do you have to be the bad one?

PanamaPattie Mon 11-Nov-19 22:44:16

I would say. Fuck. No.

Purpleartichoke Mon 11-Nov-19 22:46:17

There is nothing wrong with her asking her son.

If you don’t like the idea, just say no. A 2year old does not need sleepovers.

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