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Not being invited to my grandads funeral

(92 Posts)
KAdd29 Mon 11-Nov-19 20:55:35

Apologies in advance for the long post but I need to give a bit of back story...

I’m 31 years old and my dad died when I was 7. My grandad never really bothered to be in contact with me from what I can remember, before my dad died and after. I used to call him maybe once a year maybe even longer. My grandad and I both practically lived at opposite ends of the country so really far away to visit. The last time I saw him was 5 years ago at my aunts funeral.

So the thing I want to know if - AIBU to be angry that no one has invited me to his funeral or asked if I’m ok?? I know we weren’t exactly really close but the fact that he was my dad’s dad really matters to me and has brought up a lot of emotion. Has also got me thinking about my dad a lot as well. I keep thinking if my dad was alive would he have wanted me to go to the funeral. My Nan has not even asked me if I’m going or if I’m ok (my grandad and Nan divorced many years ago) or my aunt (she’s coming over from America where she lives to go to the funeral) I’m trying not to be angry with them but I am a bit. Would like everyone’s honest opinion on how they would deal with it? Would you just go to the funeral and not mention your feelings of frustration and anger? Obviously I wouldn’t say or do anything at the funeral or start anything at this time.

Louise91417 Mon 11-Nov-19 20:59:44

I would go to the funeral..seems it might be something you want to do and you may regret it if you dont. Try not to take it personal the lack of communication from this side of family, sometimes we go on auto-pilot and forget to do the obvious
.flowers

BareKneesDeCourcy Mon 11-Nov-19 21:00:36

Go to the funeral if you want to, you don’t need an invitation.

Do you have any contact with these other family members usually?

It would be nice to feel like they are bothered how you are and would like to see you though.

Newmumma83 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:01:31

Go anyway be civil and pay your respects your healing is important x

Dumptyhumpty101 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:02:21

Do people get invited to funerals? Dates and times are announced but I’ve never been asked if I’m going to a family members funeral because it is assumed I would be thete

saraclara Mon 11-Nov-19 21:03:09

Funeral attendance isn't by invitation. Anyone can go.

1Morewineplease Mon 11-Nov-19 21:03:53

You don’t need an invite to a funeral. Just turn up.

TripleSeptic Mon 11-Nov-19 21:04:52

I've never been invited to a funeral. I would be annoyed if someone hadn't purposely told me someone had died, in an attempt to deny me being able to pay my respects. YANBU if that's happened.

Generally the death is announced and funeral information is given, sometimes it says "house private" or "private service for family", in which case, you are family, so just go.

Drum2018 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:05:01

You don't need an invitation to go to the funeral, assuming it's taking place in a church. Maybe the family think you wouldn't be bothered, given you haven't been in contact much over the years. If you know when it's taking place just go if you want to.

Kolo Mon 11-Nov-19 21:05:54

Yeah, there are no invitations to a funeral. Whoever organised the funeral makes an announcement so people know when and where it is, and anyone can decide to go or not.

EC22 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:07:04

You don’t need an invitation to a funeral.
Go if you want to.

Keepmewarm Mon 11-Nov-19 21:07:54

People don’t invite people to funerals.

Sorry for your loss op. Go and say goodbye.

EC22 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:08:00

Certainly don’t mention your feelings if you do go!

KAdd29 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:08:01

@BareKneesDeCourcy

I visit my nan about once a month and speak with her on the phone. My aunt I speak to on Facebook every now and again. I feel like maybe I’m being selfish but just annoyed that maybe they seem to feel like I’m not feeling anything about it. They haven’t spoken to me about it, other than my Nan telling me he passed.

Ffsnosexallowed Mon 11-Nov-19 21:08:26

Of you've been told when the funeral is then you've been invited

Mum2jenny Mon 11-Nov-19 21:09:20

Go to the funeral, invites to funerals are not needed.
Just go. Please for your own sake, you need closure. Sympathies xx

KAdd29 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:09:24

I did think that maybe I didn’t need an invitation but wasn’t sure if you can just turn up. Felt like maybe it was imposing a bit. I don’t have any contact with my grandads wife or family

KAdd29 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:10:49

@Ffsnosexallowed

I was told by my Nan (grandads ex wife) she isn’t going to the funeral

InfiniteSheldon Mon 11-Nov-19 21:11:29

You don't need an invite just go

Purpleartichoke Mon 11-Nov-19 21:12:08

I’ll reiterate that funeral by invitation are rare. If you have the funeral details, they expect you may attend.

With a few extreme exceptions, funerals tend to be “the more the merrier” occasion, despite the fact that the specific phrase is inappropriate in the circumstances.

TripleSeptic Mon 11-Nov-19 21:14:32

There were lots of my mum's cousins at her funeral. I didn't know them, they didn't know me. I'm glad they came. I think a big funeral is a nice funeral, it shows how someone is loved, respected, has touched someone's life. Big doesn't have to be enormous, just more than a few. I hope your grandad gets a good send off, and I hope you go and say your goodbyes

Moomoo1975 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:15:37

I never heard of anyone being invited to a funeral. They told you he has passed the rest is up to you. Go/ don't go. Looking for an invitation is odd.

BIWI Mon 11-Nov-19 21:16:30

No such thing as an invitation to a funeral

WhenISnappedAndFarted Mon 11-Nov-19 21:17:08

I never got invited to any of my grandparents funerals. We were told the time and date and went, I think it's just assumed that you'd go if you wanted.

MummyofTw0 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:17:44

Noone gets invited to a funeral

I'm really sorry for your loss, and I hope this doesn't come across insensitive, but I can't imagine people would have given much thought to your feelings if you weren't in regular contact

They'll be grieving themselves for their loss

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