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To think don't post unless you are willing to accept YABU?

(17 Posts)
itputsthelotiononitsskin Sat 09-Nov-19 14:36:13

AIBU to think that this a topic best suited for people who are genuinely interested in assessing their issue/dilemma with an open mind, and if you come here with the express purpose of being patted on the back or told your a hero for voicing your controversial opinion, that you should be expect the flaming you might get?

OR is this clearly the most popular topic area BECAUSE of the drama this brings, and angry defensive OPs who refuse to at least concede the possibility of being wrong in the face of overwhelming evidence or majority opposition are literally what keeps us all coming here?

itputsthelotiononitsskin Sat 09-Nov-19 14:38:23

Ugh, I should have proof read that before I posted.
Criticisms of my spelling/grammar justly deserved.

Honeybee85 Sat 09-Nov-19 14:45:32

I partially agree with you.
I think many people are prepared to hear they are being unreasonable but sometimes other posters can get really nasty and attack the OP in a way I can only describe as cyber bullying. Last example I saw was a mum who asked if it was unreasonable to let her baby cry for 30 minutes and who got very viciously attacked by some posters. Its ok to say someone is unreasonable but not to say really mean things to them.

Screwtheclockchange Sat 09-Nov-19 14:58:13

I agree with Honeybee85 - yes and no. Some OPs are ridiculous. However, I've been on other threads where the first couple of responses are pointlessly nasty and everyone else piles on. Then everyone ends up having a tantrum with the OP for not accepting the Great and Unmatched Wisdom of Mumsnet, when the majority opinion was clearly based on a very strained, contrary interpretation of the OP's original post. Those kind of threads drive me up the wall too.

Emeraldshamrock Sat 09-Nov-19 15:01:54

Within reason there must be doubt if asking, if other posters are being kind and OP is stamping, what was the point in asking.
Yanbu. I get what you mean lots of OP's only want you to agree with them.

MsPotterPepper Sat 09-Nov-19 15:04:18

* bullying. Last example I saw was a mum who asked if it was unreasonable to let her baby cry for 30 minutes and who got very viciously attacked by some posters. Its ok to say someone is unreasonable but not to say really mean things to them*

Oh come on. If you're cruel enough to leave a very young baby to cry for so long without comfort then you can expect and deal with a few posters being mean.

Pilipilihoho Sat 09-Nov-19 15:08:46

Most of the posts in AIBU seem to be seeking validation rather than resolving a situation, tbh - I don't disagree, OP, but I think people mainly post for this reason or "traffic" rather than actually wanting to consider other opinions or perspectives.

Honeybee85 Sat 09-Nov-19 15:13:58

@mrsPotterPepper

I also don’t agree with letting a baby cry for 30 minutes but I think it’s not helpful to be so cruel to the OP. I really wonder what the motive is of such posters. There is a huge difference between not agreeing with someone and explaining in a normal way that is helpful to the OP why they are being unreasonable and just being mean to someone which adds nothing except making them feel bad.
I think the latter can provoke some angry reactions from the OP and doesn’t help them at all.

Crowtakingabath Sat 09-Nov-19 15:14:07

I agree to an extent. I was told I was unreasonable in a recent thread I started and I agree with a large number of the points that were made (even though they were telling me I was being unreasonable). However, I also got a lot of 'you are horrible, nasty, greedy etc'.

That is not fair or constructive in any area of conversation. People lead different lives, have different values and circumstances. A single post doesn't make anyone the judge of everything to do with an OP's character or life. I think those are unfair.

testing987654321 Sat 09-Nov-19 15:17:46

I think people also don't realise quite how attached they are to their own point of view until other people argue against it. Also, we usually think we are reasonable so get a shock when others disagree.

lostelephant Sat 09-Nov-19 15:20:57

I agree. It's always refreshing to see a poster be told they are BU and actually taking it on board rather than getting on the defence.

MsPotterPepper Sat 09-Nov-19 15:50:23

* There is a huge difference between not agreeing with someone and explaining in a normal way that is helpful to the OP why they are being unreasonable and just being mean to someone which adds nothing except making them feel bad*

But the posters here are just normal people and will post how they see and or feel about a subject/issue quite bluntly.
You can't post on a public forum and not expect at least some people to be twats.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff Sat 09-Nov-19 15:52:46

The thing is, it's quite possible to start a thread because you are not sure if YABU, think about the contrary opinions you get, and then decide actually you think you were right.

That's not failing to take on board feedback. There is a difference between not considering feedback and agreeing slavishly with the majority POV.

Honeybee85 Sat 09-Nov-19 15:55:56

Agree @mrsPotterPepper

Still I wish some people would think a bit more about the impact their words can have on a vulnerable person. Just because it’s anonymous and you are behind a screen doesn’t mean you have to say things without considering the possible impact on others first. But I appreciate that this is idealistic and wishful thinking on my part.

itputsthelotiononitsskin Sat 09-Nov-19 16:14:41

@testing987654321
Great point!
I think I take particular umbrage when the OP is clearly posting to corral support against 1 other person or group of people. I'm really pinch faced when they then have thin skin over personal attacks. I mean personal attacks aren't right or fair, but if you're canvassing for back up in criticising others, you should be prepared to take some personal attacks in the cross fire.

There are clearly some who like being controversial or confrontational in their comments.
The lack of like or upvoting on comments also means that I suspect some are this way in order to stand out in a sea of comments on a popular thread.

MsPotterPepper Sat 09-Nov-19 16:15:15

Perhaps it's time AIBU has a warning appear stating that on this board you may find the views and opinions expressed offensive and upsetting.

itputsthelotiononitsskin Sat 09-Nov-19 16:19:23

It's always refreshing to see a poster be told they are BU and actually taking it on board rather than getting on the defence.

Exactly @lostelephant! This is precisely what I had in mind thinking of some down to earth posters who've taken it on the chin, said "oh well, I guess I need to give my head a wobble", and gone about their business.

There's no need to slavishly do or think what others say, regardless of how much of a majority there is against you.

But if you come to AIBU be prepared to accept the possibility that YABU, otherwise you may as well just post F* you all, I know I'm write and you can't change my mind.

I think it's the disingenuous "Am I?" in the AIBU, which rubs me up the wrong way.

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