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To be pissed off at people patronising me now I'm pregnant

(35 Posts)
PregnantNotAChild Sat 09-Nov-19 08:31:11

Name changed.

I'm a senior in my line of work (relevant) and since staff have found out about my pregnancy I feel I'm no longer being seen as I should be.

We all work very closely together as a small team but that team often changes depending who is on shift. When I am on shift I lead the shift yet have people beneath me telling me my limitations and what I'm "allowed" to do and it's really grating on me.
E.g I asked a new starter to help me do some slight manual handling earlier this week that was well within my abilities and she point blank refused to do it unless it was with somebody other than me!
Another time I had loaded the dishwasher and somebody told me off for pushing the draws in because she thought it was too heavy for me and the final most annoying thing was somebody gave me a glass of water and said "I see you've not had a drink lately. When I next see this glass I expect it to be empty."

WTF!

Is it just me or have some of you had this too? Why do people think we're disabled and need caring for just because we're pregnant. angry

Queenoftheashes Sat 09-Nov-19 08:33:51

Fuck that. Make them all attend training on how not to infantilise pregnant people.

Thebig3 Sat 09-Nov-19 08:34:37

Yep this is what happens! As soon as you get pregnant everyone has an option and thinks they know more than you about it too! Hate to tell you but it doesn't get any better once the baby arrives either!

slipperywhensparticus Sat 09-Nov-19 08:36:24

😂 I would have thrown the glass of water over them and said there you go its empty

PregnantNotAChild Sat 09-Nov-19 08:38:12

So annoying! This isn't even my first baby!
I think it also doesn't help that the majority of the people I work with are old enough to be my mum and must see me vulnerable or something.

I have a risk assessment with my manager soon so I'm going to bring it up.

Teateaandmoretea Sat 09-Nov-19 08:38:53

Ah but OP you don't know what's coming how on earth will you cope? clearly in the same way as the other billions of women

Yanbu but it's par for the course unfortunately. Pick your friends wisely is my only advice......

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 09-Nov-19 08:39:20

Annoying. Disabled people don’t need to be patronised either.

madcatladyforever Sat 09-Nov-19 08:39:39

I didn't have that problem, I was a single mum pregnant student nurse in 1983 and the ward sisters treated me like absolute shit.
No slack was cut for me.
The married staff nurse who was pregnant was treated like glass.

Diy2019 Sat 09-Nov-19 08:39:47

No, never had this at all confused

PregnantNotAChild Sat 09-Nov-19 08:40:40

@TestingTestingWonTooFree nobody does.

We work in a care setting and these people should know all about equality and such.

itsmecathycomehome Sat 09-Nov-19 08:41:51

It sounds well-meant and caring to me - they don't think you should be doing anything too manual, and are thinking about your wellbeing. Perhaps they think you don't want to ask for allowances and concessions, so feel that they are showing you a kindness.

If you are indeed a close-knit team, call a meeting and tell them that you don't want any special treatment and are capable of making your own decisions. In fact, a meeting may not be necessary as I assume you are telling them exactly that every time they do this?

PregnantNotAChild Sat 09-Nov-19 08:44:03

@itsmecathycomehome I am telling them, falls on deaf ears.

It's not always the same team on shift either but there will always be 1 or 2 that will be keeping an eye on me.

I know they mean well but it's still annoying!

Whatsetshortfor Sat 09-Nov-19 08:45:32

Oh god! This drove me mad when I was pregnant. It’s like you have no autonomy.

It happens in antenatal care and childbirth too - being told you have to have a sweep/induction.

JigsawsAreInPieces Sat 09-Nov-19 08:49:22

Sounds like they care about your wellbeing. I had a line manager who when I was pg went bananas because I was in the room while an electrical socket was being fitted - I was about 30 feet from said socket at the time in a group huddle discussing a new policy. She went mad for days over it.

It was because she suffered anxiety and cared.

KinderGirl Sat 09-Nov-19 09:24:37

I don’t think they are doing this to annoy you. They are clearly trying to be nice & helpful. Also check your risk assessment, it should state you are not to lift/carry anything if pregnant. Mine did. It did get a little annoying as I’m not fragile in anyway, more than capable of doing the same things I did before pregnancy but as I said thy are just trying to be nice.

Femaleassassin Sat 09-Nov-19 09:58:20

So why on earth do people wear baby on board badges? I thought they wanted to be treated differently

PregnantNotAChild Sat 09-Nov-19 10:02:46

@Femaleassassin I suppose some woman do, I'm not one of those women and just like to carry on as normal when possible.

Cherrysoup Sat 09-Nov-19 10:23:43

I would have delighted in tipping the water into a plant or something and going ‘There you go, one empty glass’. Patronising gits! It’s not caring, it’s thinking they know better than you.

WorldEndingFire Sat 09-Nov-19 10:41:27

Yes, suddenly people who wouldn't dare have started questioning whether I should be doing things "in my condition". Serena Williams won her 23rd Grand Slam while pregnant so they can back the hell off.

GettingABitDesperateNow Sat 09-Nov-19 10:48:46

I came on here expecting to be angry on your behalf but the truth is, it is much easier to put your back out in pregnancy etc, and I think they are just looking out for you with the lifting (the water thing is a bit OTT though).

If they were keeping you away from management decisions or information as you weren't going to be here or they didnt want to upset or bother you or thought your pregnant brain might be hurting then that would be different. But they are supposed to physically make it a bit easier on pregnant women

bluebluezoo Sat 09-Nov-19 10:53:03

So why on earth do people wear baby on board badges? I thought they wanted to be treated differently

This. The threads about this you’d think pregnant women can’t stand up unaided, let alone fill dishwashers and get themselves drinks!

catlady3 Sat 09-Nov-19 11:36:44

Could you say something along the lines of, how about I let you know when I need your help. I'd be bloody annoyed by this.

LisaSimpsonsbff Sat 09-Nov-19 11:40:01

I also hated this, but the problem is that each pregnancy is so different that it is hard for people to figure out what each pregnant woman can do. I was essentially capable of pretty much everything I could do normally - I walked four miles the day before I went into labour - but I know other women who needed a lot more help and who got cross about people not offering it, so I can see why people do.

LisaSimpsonsbff Sat 09-Nov-19 11:41:19

My pet hate is the Mumsnet threads where people get outraged about anyone saying anything vaguely confrontational to a pregnant woman, as if being pregnant doesn't just make you physically vulnerable (which it does, for most women) but also removes all mental resilience.

formerbabe Sat 09-Nov-19 11:43:09

Just wait till you have to meet a health visitor wink

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