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Why do people think it is disrespectful to not wear a poppy?

(118 Posts)
Lemongrasssugar Sat 09-Nov-19 08:23:31

I understand the sacrifice and did have great relatives that were in the wars. I also have worn poppies in the past.
But why is it such a big deal if someone doesnt wear one? How does it lack respect?
Its not as of the dead are benefiting from us wearing the poppy?
As a symbol of remembrance it is fine but to impose and shame people for not wearing one sounds like some kind of religious cult.

Vulpine Sat 09-Nov-19 08:25:02

I've never been 'shamed' for not wearing one

Figmentofmyimagination Sat 09-Nov-19 08:26:43

It’s a convenient way of showing that you have (hopefully) already donated to the British legion poppy fund.

PicaK Sat 09-Nov-19 08:26:59

I'm 46. In my whole life I've never known anyone have a fit about someone else in their lives not wearing a poppy.
BBC TV news presenters is the only time I can think of.

Lockheart Sat 09-Nov-19 08:27:12

Because those who go out of their way to shame others for not wearing one (or for wearing the wrong one, or for not wearing it right, or for not wearing it early enough) are more interested in making themselves look good to others than they are in actually remembering.

EntropyRising Sat 09-Nov-19 08:28:04

It's not.

Wear one if you like; alternatively, don't. wink

TheQueef Sat 09-Nov-19 08:29:47

Lest we Forget.
It's a personal choice, people will show their respect in their own way.

PrettyShiningPeople Sat 09-Nov-19 08:31:26

lockheart hits the nail on the head

Kittybakes89 Sat 09-Nov-19 08:32:33

The only experience I've had where not wearing one is noticed and 'shamed' is since moving to NI. There can be a divide here about wearing the poppy and links to the British army

Lessthanzero Sat 09-Nov-19 08:35:31

I've litrially never worn one. I didn't know it was "mandatory" until TV presenters started being shamed for not wearing them.

64sNewName Sat 09-Nov-19 08:39:52

I hardly ever wear one but I do ‘buy’ them/put money in the box.

I just tend to lose track of them or leave them on the wrong jacket or whatever.

Nobody’s ever commented.

Raphael34 Sat 09-Nov-19 08:41:48

It’s not a problem if you don’t wear one. Who’s saying it is?

EleanorReally Sat 09-Nov-19 08:42:07

i wear them, then i lose them,
it is not disrespectful at all

AlphaNumericalSequence Sat 09-Nov-19 08:45:07

I've never felt any pressure to wear one. I think the poppy-shaming must be very narrowly restricted to some social circles.
The culture of poppy wearing and remembrance has massively changed in the last 20 years or so, though. I can remember when it was a declining tradition, deeply associated with the shock of world war. The feel of it is very different now. It has become more jingoistic, more tainted with the fictions about war that were temporarily transcended by the enormous shared grief that the First World War created.
To the small extent that there is poppy-shaming today, it is probably connected to this shift towards the kind of drum-banging values that need enemies in order to shore up group loyalty. Probably a product of the toxic nature of online performances of support for Our Boys/England/Whatever.

Everyone else just gets on with choosing to wear a poppy or not, and raising funds to meet the real needs of former soldiers.

BooksAreMyOnlyFriends Sat 09-Nov-19 08:48:24

Not disrespectful at all. As long as you take time to remember those who sacrificed so much, show your children why we should remember and be thankful, live your life making a difference to others, giving money if you can to support veterans. That's the true spirit of remembrance.

We will remember them flowers

GabriellaMontez Sat 09-Nov-19 08:49:09

Who thinks it's disrespectful?

TheQueef Sat 09-Nov-19 08:50:00

The legion needs the cash too, since Help for heroes gained popularity.
The legion is for soldiers from every war but h4h has a cut off (I think it's everything after the Falklands) but you can do Amazon smile for the legion of you wanted.

insancerre Sat 09-Nov-19 08:51:00

I have never seen or heard of anyone being shamed for not wearing a poppy

insancerre Sat 09-Nov-19 08:53:53

The royal British legion and help for heroes are two very different charities
Being made to fight for your country is not the same as choosing to do it as a career

MinisterforCheekyFuckery Sat 09-Nov-19 08:54:39

Those saying this isn't a thing, there is another thread on the front page of AIBU as we speak where posters are being called "a fucking disgrace" and told they should be ashamed of themselves for not wearing a poppy.

AlphaNumericalSequence Sat 09-Nov-19 09:05:59

I'm not surprised poppy shaming is on Mumsnet in that AIBU thread. Online conversations suck us into so many idiotic extremes of polarising idiotic 'righteousness'. I'm so exhausted by the way that this virtue-signalling has bleeded out into real life politics and made everyone hate one another.

Aroundtheworldin80moves Sat 09-Nov-19 09:07:53

I understand the reasons why some feel unable to wear a poppy, especially those from Northern Ireland. It shouldn't be political, but it is unfortunately.

I think taking time to reflect on the human cost of war is important. The poppy is a symbol of that, but it's not the same thing.

RBL does great work, like many other charities work that should perhaps be paid for by the Government. As do the myriad of other Forces charities.

Baguetteaboutit Sat 09-Nov-19 09:11:18

I've never seen any poppy shaming in real life. I have only ever worn poppies briefly in the limited time it takes me to lose it, mangle it by flinging my coat over a chair, have it nicked by one of my kids who took a fancy to it, and I've never been shamed once.

Meanwhile, I certainly won't be using Aibu as a reliable source of public outrage when it's full of people frothing over the minutiae of day to day living.

misspiggy19 Sat 09-Nov-19 09:13:44

Newsreader who chooses not to wear a poppy targeted

churchandstate Sat 09-Nov-19 09:14:33

I believe the poppy symbol has been altered over time in undesirable ways. “Lest we forget” used to mean “lest we forget and do it again” and now it means “I support our Armed Forces”. So I don’t wear one. I don’t oppose our Armed Forces, but I would rather we didn’t have to have any.

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