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Should I tell them his stepson is a paedophile

(205 Posts)
SisterhoodOfKahn Sat 09-Nov-19 01:06:35

My DD is a member of a youth organisation who has recently recruited a new full time member of staff. This man will have direct access to the children.

Should I tell the youth organisation that he is the step father of a paedophile? This is not tittle tattle I know the family, and know this is true.

I'm hoping he won't pass the DBS criteria but as they have different names he might.

Am I being over cautious? Should I just keep quiet. I genuinely don't know what do to.

WindowsSmindows Sat 09-Nov-19 01:08:22

But he is not a pedophile?

rainbowlou Sat 09-Nov-19 01:12:18

Im not sure how that makes him a risk?
How sad that he is associated to this person by marriage(?) only and now tarred with the same brush.

Pinkfluffythoughts Sat 09-Nov-19 01:13:14


Lots of people would be related to all sorts of criminals.

RightEarlobeBreath Sat 09-Nov-19 01:14:52

It’s a tricky one. I’d be concerned that the stepson would be popping by to “say hello” to his stepdad at work. But at the same time, you can’t punish the family of a person for their crimes. Tricky tricky.

rainbowlou Sat 09-Nov-19 01:16:11

Forgot to add yes you are, yes you should!
Poor bloke..

Madein1995 Sat 09-Nov-19 01:16:20

Unsure as to why him being related to a paedophile has anything to do with his own morals and actions? It's not catching you know! If every person whose SIL was a bank robber or whose uncle twice removesld was a criminal, was barred from working, we'd have no services! A member of your family's actions isn't a reflection on you!

As an aside, yes dbs would check against different names. That's the whole point of an enhanced dbs which is always done when working in direct contact with vulnerable people. The standard is rarely heard of and mainly for telephony based jobs. This was instigated following the Ian Huntley case, where false names were used. So the dbs should pick up on those convictions anyway.

I'm really failing to see why you think the fact his SS is a sex offender (let's not use terms like paedo!) has anything to do with the man's own competence?

Aquamarine1029 Sat 09-Nov-19 01:17:13

How dare you make him a guilty party to his step-son's crimes? If I were this man and you tried to ruin my career and livelihood, I would sue you for defamation.

Madein1995 Sat 09-Nov-19 01:18:12

I also seriously doubt any organisation worth their salt would allow randoms to pop in and say hello, when their employee is working with potentially vulnerable individuals. That goes against all safeguarding policy and I really hope wouldn't happen. Its not like popping in to see your friend who works in tesxk

SisterhoodOfKahn Sat 09-Nov-19 01:22:36

Ok so I accept I'm unreasonable. However I still don't feel good about it, if I don't report I will take my DD to another local youth organisation.

I do know that recruited man's ex will not let their dc stay the night there.

Thanks for all your input. I'll say nothing and hope to god all is fine.

Alfiesmom15 Sat 09-Nov-19 01:26:43

It's not a disease that this man would of caught being associated with his step son, hes not even blood related so it hardly runs in the family... your actually being rediculous, boycotting the place....

shouldhavecalleditoatabix Sat 09-Nov-19 01:28:42

If step son is actually a convicted sex offender he will be in the sex offender with very specific conditions not to go near children. This is managed by a specific police unit and should you get hint that the stepson is near the children you can report that to police. However I'm fairly sure we don't yet live in a society that makes you guilty by association or relations and you are being outrageously unreasonable.

mawof3soontobe Sat 09-Nov-19 01:29:57

Wow. No! It would be sheer gossip at best! My biological father is a hero in addict, does that make me an addict by association? My own uncle abused me, does that mean anyone I come into contact with should be warned my uncle is an abuser? Bloody insanity! Poor man being judged on the errors and flaws of others outwith his control. Mind your business

ChanklyBore Sat 09-Nov-19 01:43:11

Pretty much everyone knows a paedophile. They don’t always know that they do, but they will. And there will be lots of people related to every single one. Are they all guilty by association? You are being massively unreasonable here.

Maybe we should worry about you. You know the family, you know a paedophile personally. By your logic, that makes you a worrying person for us to associate with.

SD1978 Sat 09-Nov-19 01:44:17

Bloody hell. So because his son is, he must be too? I seriously hope that your children never do something that you then get judged on for the rest of your life. You are highly unreasonable.

hadenough Sat 09-Nov-19 01:45:29

This post is atrocious.

Why should he pay for the disgusting crimes of his stepson? Being a paedophile isn't some sort of contagious disease.

You're really suggesting you'd be happy to see him unemployed, without a job, and having no prospects despite the fact he is not the one who has done anything wrong?

ButterTarts Sat 09-Nov-19 01:53:45

Wait, so you know the family?

Gosh, maybe social services need to protect your kid from you, you're a pedaffiliate after all.

FridalovesDiego Sat 09-Nov-19 01:57:52

Lots of people are related to criminals or undesirables. Just like your family are related to an unreasonable gossip.

Clarinet1 Sat 09-Nov-19 02:05:17

As PP have touched upon, in an organisation which is using enhanced DBS checks, there will be a clear protocol in place that noone who does not have one of these is ever alone with any of the vulnerable clients, in this case children. I know because I am involved with a major youth organisation myself and, for example, when we were on a camp the husband of one leader who did not have a DBS check from that organisation himself was not allowed to drive any of the young people anywhere without one of the other leaders who did have a check. Therefore, in this case the stepson should not be allowed access to the children alone. If he were to try to become involved with the organisation himself he would immediately be noted and turned away when they tried to do his DBS check so it really seems to me that there is no risk in this case.

ilovesooty Sat 09-Nov-19 02:17:24

So you're going to remove your daughter because she might come into contact with someone who is the stepfather of a sex offender but who has himself done nothing wrong? Have you approached her school to check out anyone who might have infiltrated the blended families of any of her teachers?

MegaBlock Sat 09-Nov-19 02:19:30

You think he shouldn’t be employed because of something his step son has done? He’s an innocent man the fact you’ve even contemplated this is outrageous.

I am unfortunately related to someone who is a convicted paedophile . Shall I go hand my notice in at work?

Hellofromtheotherside2020 Sat 09-Nov-19 02:20:02

You're awful, this is very sad.

MrsTriOskvi Sat 09-Nov-19 02:31:02

Is he in contact with ss? That would make a difference in my view as anyone who would overlook a crime such as that shouldn't be working with children. Just my opinion

Theresnobslikeshowbs Sat 09-Nov-19 02:32:00

I can’t decide if you are more thick or more stupid🤔

Purpleartichoke Sat 09-Nov-19 02:38:59

If he is covering up for his stepson then yes report, because he is part of the crime. Otherwise, I would assume he is simply providing the stepson a place to live and doing his best to help the stepson live a better life.

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