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To stop accepting everyday sexism and never use Asda again

(723 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Canadalife Fri 08-Nov-19 19:38:06

We had an Asda order delivered this evening. One item was incorrect (much more expensive item delivered instead of what we ordered....duck instead of chicken!). Being (stupidly) honest I raised it with the driver. He explained that the orders must have been muddled, Fair enough! He searched through the orders. No luck finding the chicken. I said ‘we need something to roast on Sunday’.

He kept calling me “love” throughout the conversation. When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep. I spoke firmly but was in no way confrontational or aggressive, didn’t shout, swear et cetera. Notably he didn’t call either my daughter or husband anything, but did refer to me consistently as love. I felt seriously patronised and belittled.

My husband said “no one is abusing you, she just asked you not to patronise her by calling her love”. The driver repeated that he would not be abused and drove off.

We certainly did not swear, shout or get angry. I am very upset and hate confrontation. I put up with lots of everyday sexism as we all do. I am totally fed up. AIBU to never shop at Asda again.

icelollycraving Fri 08-Nov-19 19:44:03

I could not get worked up about this, I see it like a man saying mate to another man.

Savingforarainyday Fri 08-Nov-19 19:45:18

I may be missing the point, but ... some people use "love" and genuinely mean nothing by it. I think maybe you overreacted.

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong Fri 08-Nov-19 19:45:31

Yes YABU. Just complain to Asda customer services and they'll give him some training (or fire him). Job done. Don't stop using the store for ever because one delivery driver has an old fashioned way of speaking to women.

Savingforarainyday Fri 08-Nov-19 19:46:00

OP
Are you Canadian?

PickwickThePlockingDodo Fri 08-Nov-19 19:46:07

Oh give over, was he really being sexist? hmm

AliceLittle Fri 08-Nov-19 19:46:16

I guess he felt offended by your assertion to reject his term of endearment.

Hahaha88 Fri 08-Nov-19 19:47:12

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JaneyGotAGun Fri 08-Nov-19 19:47:15

Meh
I couldn’t get this upset if the worst thing he did was call you love.

Streamside Fri 08-Nov-19 19:47:39

But did he leave the shopping?

ShrimpingViolet Fri 08-Nov-19 19:47:39

I say love all the time. And mate. Don't think it's the crime of the century to be honest.

Lauren83 Fri 08-Nov-19 19:49:09

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest, I get called love daily (northern town) by all sexes and ages, it's just a greeting round here

Isaididont Fri 08-Nov-19 19:49:42

YABU. I hate it when people say someone using the word “love” or “darling” are being sexist. They just have an old fashioned way of speaking. And it’s also a very cultural thing, it doesn’t say anything about how they actually view women. I have been treated with the greatest respect by people who use these terms. And I have experienced sexism from people who would never use those words.
I don’t think he behaved wisely; he should stop calling women “love” as it is un-PC. Doesn’t make the whole of Asda sexist though.

RedSheep73 Fri 08-Nov-19 19:50:18

He should have stopped calling you love if you said you didn't like it, that's just basic politeness. But does he represent the whole of Asda? However, there are plenty of other providers you can try.

WaterSheep Fri 08-Nov-19 19:50:29

You admit yourself you spoke firmly, when there was no need as he was just trying to help you out by searching the system.

I don't see love as sexist or patronising, it's a colloquialism. Surely the reason he didn't use it towards your husband / daughter was because you were the one he was talking to.

Isaididont Fri 08-Nov-19 19:51:14

Try going to parts of Scotland and you’ll get called “hen”.
Again no offence is meant...

notanurse2017 Fri 08-Nov-19 19:52:21

Why was your husband involved in the conversation? I don't like strangers calling me love either.

bobbley Fri 08-Nov-19 19:52:43

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SpinMill Fri 08-Nov-19 19:53:16

Really? I wouldn't bat an eyelid at being called love! I also call other people love without a second thought.

Where are you? I'm wondering whether it's a regional thing, I live in Yorkshire.

CTRL Fri 08-Nov-19 19:53:54

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Hoppinggreen Fri 08-Nov-19 19:54:33

The driver wasn’t being sexist but your DH was when he chipped in because you couldn’t stand up for yourself

Venger Fri 08-Nov-19 19:54:39

You massively overreacted and needlessly turned a minor issue (incorrect item) into a bigger issue (driver feeling verbally abused). You say you spoke 'firmly', how firm is firm? Obviously firm enough for him to have found it confrontational.

"We need something to roast on Sunday" which is still two days away. You could have phoned customer services, told them the chicken was missing, and they would have sent you a voucher to cover the cost of one plus a bit extra for your trouble.

Canadalife Fri 08-Nov-19 19:54:42

The point is he carried on after I asked him to stop. Good manners?

Rose789 Fri 08-Nov-19 19:55:26

Love and pet is standard where I live. I like it.

Canadalife Fri 08-Nov-19 19:55:38

...And husband was helping to put groceries away.

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