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AIBU to want You Tube on DD(13)'s phone to be restricted

(13 Posts)
unhappyandoverwhelmed Fri 08-Nov-19 18:38:57

I've posted a bit about this on another thread, but posting here for traffic.

DD is 13 and likes watching You Tube. I am worried about sexualised content and violence. There are certain things that she likes that are restricted such as WillNe and Memulous - but obviously there are other things out there too.

She insists that everyone she knows her age has unrestricted You Tube. I wondered whether I could get a feel of whether or not that's the case on here?

I suffer from anxiety and am very poorly with anxiety and depression at the moment and just don't feel able to trust my own judgement on this.

Thanks

Redcliff Fri 08-Nov-19 18:50:56

How would you restrict it? I have a 12 year old and he uses our main computer for you tube with the door open - is that the sort of thing you mean?

unhappyandoverwhelmed Fri 08-Nov-19 18:56:53

No, she has You Tube on her phone. Our main computer is broken. I have a laptop that she could watch it on when I'm not studying.

It was restricted on her phone and I could view her history, but then a tablet that her father got her had it on and she was watching it in her room without restrictions on it. Her father did the setup on her tablet in such a way that I couldn't go into You Tube and log her into an account with restrictions, so I kept an eye on her search history but couldn't see viewing history. I'm realising search history doesn't give the full picture.

CLS81 Fri 08-Nov-19 19:01:38

I have switched on YouTubes Restricted Mode on my DS's (12) phone. I've did a test to see what videos come up when it's unrestricted and was shocked, so it's restricted YouTube or no YouTube at all for him for now. He did complain when some of the channels he watches came up as restricted originally, but he's over it now.

Linning Fri 08-Nov-19 19:42:57

To view your kid's history you just need to go into the youtube app/site and watch the history, you will see all the videos she's watched in the last couple of days.

She's 13 though, if she wants to watch violent and sexual videos, she will and will probably not do it on youtube.

(talking as a 20 something person who at nine turned off all the parental controls and back on without my parents knowledge and did what I wanted leaving my parents completely oblivious to it all.)

I think you would be better off having a conversation with her about porn/violence in movies and reality etc... and explain how being curious about sexuality is normal but how porn is not the best way to learn about it etc...

Even if I didn't learn how to hack the parental controls and bypass all the things, not every parents is strict with what their kids watch and/or access, what I didn't watch on my own computer, I saw at my friends etc...

I grew up at the beginning of webcams and sexting so I can guarantee you that you would be horrified at what some 13yo can do during puberty and out of curiosity (wanting to be cool?), in insight a serious talk about porn, revenge porn etc... would have been nice. I wasn't silly enough to do cam things but some of my friends did, and came across some very dodgy people, we were young and didn't trust our parents (you don't feel you can trust parents who impose restrictions instead of installing communication lines) and we all survived our teen years but I think it would have been so much better if instead of feeling we couldn't talk to our parents and going off the rails to the point we did, we had had parents to guide us.

(nobody wants to go fess up they broke the rules, so it's easier to not restrict youtube and tell her you trust her and make sure she knows what she need to knows and can come back to you if there is anything that bothers her)

Kids look at porn because parents make sex so taboo the only way they have to learn about it is by googling it. I personally think it's way better to talk about it openly and also talk about the negative points of both and what's to be prepared for and what she should expect (in terms of how she deserves to be treated vs what is portrayed as attractive in porn etc...)

unhappyandoverwhelmed Sat 09-Nov-19 09:49:57

The trouble with trying to view her history is that I think she signs out of her account - and when viewing without being signed in, it doesn't seem to save a history - though there is a search history, but that doesn't necessarily show everything she's watched because she can click on links.

I must admit I found some of what you say horrifying Linning. I am having the conversations with her, but I don't know whether that's enough.

We discussed having You Tube on restricted mode last night and she became hysterical - saying she's in year 9 and she doesn't know anyone with restricted You Tube and she won't be able to send funny videos to her friends and she'll stand out and look stupid. I really don't want to be that mum that is overly protective to the point that she stands out amongst her friends in a negative way - but at the same time I am getting really frightened.

The fact that I have an anxiety disorder isn't helping.

churchandstate Sat 09-Nov-19 09:59:08

OP, turkeys don’t vote for Christmas. She’s not going to encourage you to limit YouTube, is she? If you believe the content she is exposed to presents a risk to her, put limits on it. She’s 13 and you are the parent.

unhappyandoverwhelmed Sat 09-Nov-19 10:14:44

I think I'm just doubting myself and wondering whether my anxiety is making me over protective - and really what the consensus is amongst parents of 13 year olds about this. It does certainly seem true that her friends have unrestricted access.

unhappyandoverwhelmed Sat 09-Nov-19 10:17:01

I'm trying a compromise where she is logged into my You Tube account so I can view her history any time and I've told her I'll review it regularly and see if she is using it sensibly. I just hope she doesn't find a way out of that.

churchandstate Sat 09-Nov-19 10:37:27

I wish I could say to you that I think what other parents do is a reliable guide to what is safe, but I don’t.

ChilledBee Sat 09-Nov-19 10:40:57

What exactly are you worried about? As pp said, by 13, if you want to watch porn, you'll know how to access it and it won't be on YouTube. I think you have to resign yourself to the fact that any work that needed to be done to make sure she handles this access responsibly should have been done.

ChilledBee Sat 09-Nov-19 10:41:38

I think you can simply delete videos you dont want in your history.

SweetPetrichor Sat 09-Nov-19 10:53:44

Honestly, I wouldn't get too precious about youtube restrictions. As others have said, if she wants to access unsuitable videos she will and it won't be on youtube. Again, saying this as someone who worked out how to view whatever I wanted without my parents finding out when I was her age, including far more unsuitable things than would ever be found on youtube.

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