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to not want my ILs to come on holiday with us.

(36 Posts)
Elphi Sat 18-Aug-07 15:24:55

Ok, we have been saving up for 4 years to go on holiday somewhere warm and sunny next year. Last 3 years we have visited ILs for a week or so. H has had fun, dcs and I get stressed. Fil is hyper critical of children, manners etc.Nothing and no one is ever good enough.
Now ILs want to join us on our much longed for holiday. I want to cry at the thought. Quite frankly I would rather not go. Am I being mean?

Desiderata Sat 18-Aug-07 15:27:04

Not mean at all. In fact, I think it's insensitive of them to ask at all, considering your lack of holidays in the last four years.

You need to gird your loins, and say no.

Gobbledigook Sat 18-Aug-07 15:28:02

God no, dig your heels in. I'm with you.

belgo Sat 18-Aug-07 15:28:19

YANBU. Never go on holiday with the ILs. recipe for disaster.

GoodGollyMissMolly Sat 18-Aug-07 15:28:53


Dont let them, get your DH to tell them that it is a family holiday for you, DH and DC's. You want to spend time with each other.

I went on hols with my IL's once and NEVER, EVER again, it was horrendous.

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo Sat 18-Aug-07 15:31:25

You need a serious conversation with your DH, it is not fair that you have been saving for such a long time to waste that money in a trip you won't even enjoy.

belgo Sat 18-Aug-07 15:36:11

tell your H to go on holiday with your Ils. And you and the kids go on holiday by yourself.

Elphi Sat 18-Aug-07 15:39:04

Thanks folks! Given that I am already not "good enough" any ideas how I can prevent relations from getting even worse? I am a peace lover by nature.

Mercy Sat 18-Aug-07 15:39:57

Elphi - I really feel for you.

We are going on holiday with my ILs next week - they have paid for it too, so there's no backing out this time. I've managed to put it off for several years but I couldn't hold out for ever. I'm really dreading it tbh.

But you need to have a serious talk with your dh and get him to understand. Especially as it's a much longed for holiday. Are ILs nearby?

Good luck

harpsichordcarrier Sat 18-Aug-07 15:40:23

no you are being sensible.

Elphi Sat 18-Aug-07 15:43:29

We live at opposite ends of the country, but could still visit next summer and they come to visit us too.
So sorry that you are facing a grim holiday too.

Mercy Sat 18-Aug-07 15:54:47

I've decided to stick to 'safe' conversations this year and avoid anything to with politics, education, money etc.

I'm also trying to have a few outings planned ahead so they can't dictate what we do and when. Ditto with meals.

Does your dh have any sympathy with your pov?

crokky Sat 18-Aug-07 15:59:20


Do not do it. I would also rather not go than go on hols with ILs.

If I were you, I would go on the holiday abroad just you, DH and kids. Then I would also take a mini hol (long wkend/4 days) with ILs.

crokky Sat 18-Aug-07 15:59:43

the mini hol was at the ILs house btw!

Saturn74 Sat 18-Aug-07 16:00:17

<<runs to corner and shakes in terror at thought of a holiday with ILs>>

Elphi Sat 18-Aug-07 16:00:55

Yes, H is lovely and would prefer us to away without them, but finds it hard to hurt their feelings. If only they were as careful with ours.
I'm trying to think of ways of putting them off the idea. I am making loud suggestions that we should go to a very lively resort with lots of children's activities. I suspect they would hate this.

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo Sat 18-Aug-07 16:28:51

What I find facinating about some Hs (mine included) is how much care they take in avoiding hurting their parents feeling while ignoring blatantly the feeling and needs of their own wives and children.

cali Sat 18-Aug-07 16:35:28

Definitely not being mean, it is your family holiday and you need to be able to enjoy yourself without worrying about your IL's.

suzycreamcheese Sat 18-Aug-07 16:41:24

isabel..they seem to change around their mums i think..have similar here...

OP tell them the nicest possible..its not fair of them to tag along like this

Desiderata Sat 18-Aug-07 17:28:34

Yes but Isabel, surely you would want a son of yours to be respectful around you when he's a grown man? It's the mother/child bond .. age cannot wither it

FrannyandZooey Sat 18-Aug-07 17:39:25

I am happy to try not to hurt people's feelings, but when it comes to things such as our family's holidays which we work hard for and look forward to all year, I am not prepared to put someone else's needs or feelings before mine.

I told my inlaws very early on, that we choose to have our holidays by ourselves because we really value being able to spend some time alone together as a family. If they mention it now I just say "No, we want to have the time by ourselves." If it honestly hurts their feelings to know that a young couple don't really want them tagging along on their holiday, then I'm afraid I don't actually give a monkeys.

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo Sat 18-Aug-07 17:41:25

No, I have had enough with my MIL that the moment he disrespects his wife to please me I will boot him out!

Tommy Sat 18-Aug-07 17:42:03

agree Isabel - my DH is just like that and yet normal in other ways

we went on hols with the ILs once but fortunately even DH didn't enjoy it so we don't have to do it again

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo Sat 18-Aug-07 17:45:28

We had the stupid idea of joining MIL and my parents for a holiday! It was a nightmare! I was either stressing or fuming at at my mum's or mil's verbal diaorrea. Was horrible, not enjoyable and very very stressful.

Tamdin Sat 18-Aug-07 17:47:44

YANBU. if they are hurt or annoyed unlucky!

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