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Has anyone ever been to a “bad0 funeral

(305 Posts)
Iamnotagoddess Thu 07-Nov-19 20:15:24

Discussing with a friend who is supporting another friend who has had a close relative die suddenly.

Didn’t want to go to Co-Op felt it was too “cheap” and have gone elsewhere and are spending 8k.

She cannot afford it.

Does it actually make any difference?

I can’t remember going to a funeral and thinking the funeral was shit other than the obvious actual shitness of it.

littlehappyhippo Thu 07-Nov-19 20:19:10

That's a lot!

I want one of those cheapo cremations, like these guys do...

I'll be dead, I won't give a shit. My body will be a pointless shell once I'm gone... Cheapest funeral possible plz! grin

Honeyroar Thu 07-Nov-19 20:19:44

Only once, and only because the deceased's son spike about himself and his life coaching techniques for an hour, and his late mother for ten minutes during the eulogy. Nothing to do with the cost.

Would anyone know whether it was a coop funeral or not?

ChocoChunk1 Thu 07-Nov-19 20:19:59

My uncle passed away a few years ago. My aunt spent a lot of money on his funeral, including a burial plot, but the vicar still got their son's name wrong. shock

ChocoChunk1 Thu 07-Nov-19 20:22:01

Also, I want a direct cremation because I'm not that popular grin and I'd rather my family spent the money on something nice and/or enjoyable.

aLilNonnyMouse Thu 07-Nov-19 20:23:45

I have but it was because there was a full catholic service and lots of preaching about religion. The deceased was atheist and would have hated every single bit of the service. It felt like he was being erased from a day that was meant to be all about him.

Windygate Thu 07-Nov-19 20:25:37

At my aunt's funeral the vicar got her name wrong. She was a weekly attender and on the flower rota.
At my father's the officiant kept getting my name wrong. Turns out he had one standard script and forgot change the names.
Crap funerals exist.

littlepaddypaws Thu 07-Nov-19 20:28:07

dh and me are with the co-op, as long as it does the job and we go up in smoke we don't care.
don't believe in expensive weddings or funerals

Iamnotagoddess Thu 07-Nov-19 20:28:33

But none of these are to do with the actual funeral parlour....

flashingbeacon Thu 07-Nov-19 20:29:20

It’s totally depend on the officiant I’d say (vested interest though).

Church ministers can be great or terrible. Humanists can be great or terrible. I’d try and get a recommendation or if you’ve seen another funeral (or wedding or whatever) ask for contact details. Not always easy to plan though.

Generally I think the money spent doesn’t matter a jot as long as the family (or whomever) feels it appropriate.

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom Thu 07-Nov-19 20:29:38

Not personally but my dad went to a funeral of a friend's mother (that he knew too) and the priest and not just any priest but the deceased's priest got her name wrong and my dads friend was deeply hurt that a man who had known her mother for something like 20+ years could do that at her funeral.

WhenISnappedAndFarted Thu 07-Nov-19 20:30:09

At my Gran's funeral my great Aunt started taking pictures during the service and in the wake.

Chesntoots Thu 07-Nov-19 20:30:39

We didn't have a vicar at my dad's funeral, I've only ever been to one where they got all the names right!!

Don't they even check with the family before they read that shit out? Luckily it's only caused amusement at the funerals I've been to, but I can see it causing great upset for some people.

SabineUndine Thu 07-Nov-19 20:33:26

Tell your friend (unless it's too late) that if you go with the Co-Op you get to choose how much you spend. Eg you can have an oak veneer coffin rather than a pine one, you can spend masses on flowers if you want, and on the order of service. Both my parents had funerals from the Co-Op and they were fine. For the eulogy, you speak to the vicar or whoever is officiating, or even write it yourself if you want to.

Goawayquickly Thu 07-Nov-19 20:34:06

It makes no difference and is just wasted money in my opinion. I’ve been to more funerals than I can count unfortunately and the ones with handpicked garden flowers and cheaper coffins are as special (if that’s the right word) as the fancy ones, and actually feel more personal.

I think the right person to lead the service, a well catered wake be that tea and cake or boozy buffet, and well chosen words are important not a posh, highly polished box and flashy cars.

Queenie8 Thu 07-Nov-19 20:34:31

The pall bearers nearly dropped my grandad coming into the church, one tripped coming up the steps.....

WhatsInAName19 Thu 07-Nov-19 20:35:32

Like any business there are good and bad, and yes it can definitely make a difference. If not to the service then certainly to the experience of the relative(s) responsible for organising the whole thing. Imagine trying to organise a funeral with a director who is unprofessional, uncaring, not punctual, difficult to get hold of, doesn't listen to your requests, isn't respectful, makes mistakes etc. It could be absolute hell on earth. It's like anything really, price isn't the only indicator of quality but the cheapest is rarely the best.

I don't know whether Co-op are cheap or not because I've only organised one funeral and my relative had specified that they wanted Co-op to do it so I didn't bother looking elsewhere. Our local branch were brilliant and made a very traumatic time slightly more bearable and an awful lot simpler.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 07-Nov-19 20:36:42

Scottish Irish family here and as long as there's enough tea, whiskey and food, no one has cared about anything else.

makingmammaries Thu 07-Nov-19 20:37:46

If you live in Geneva you can get a free funeral. Whoopee. Cremation or a burial plot in a random row of strangers. The ‘service’ consists of recorded music of your choice for 20 minutes while you stare at the coffin. It’s not exactly memorable.

MidniteScribbler Thu 07-Nov-19 20:38:43

It costs $50 here for your funeral. Locals do everything - dig the grave, organise the flowers, put on food in the local hall afterwards. It's all very lovely and community based. I'd rather they toss me in the ocean for shark food than pay thousands of dollars for a party after I'm already dead.

Unshriven Thu 07-Nov-19 20:39:48

What is a 'bad0' funeral?

Nextphonewontbesamsung Thu 07-Nov-19 20:41:17

Sadly I have. My father's funeral was pretty bad.

If the family want to splash out a bit, then let them. Funerals are really for the people left behind aren't they?

TerribleCustomerCervix Thu 07-Nov-19 20:41:46

I’ve been to big, well attended funerals and straight to cremation services.

Honestly, I prefer the straight to cremation ones as they tend to be more about the person and their life without having to shoehorn in a mass or depressing hymns.

TwattingDog Thu 07-Nov-19 20:42:22

Co-op areal highly respected in the funeral trade. That's where I'd head.

Same as others, I want a cremation, so as cheap as possible.

I've been to a funeral of a chap who was a member of the Masons. The place was packed with them, but not one of them greeted his bereaved wife and they had all refused to do a speech despite him being a member for over 40yrs. It was a very strange atmosphere.

tabulahrasa Thu 07-Nov-19 20:42:22

Yes, but nothing to do with cost, just bad celebrants... nobody’s there going, ooh that coffin is nice/not nice...

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