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Im so worried please help

(547 Posts)
FranticPleaseHelp Thu 07-Nov-19 10:23:40

Posting here for traffic, I'm alone at home and don't know what to do.
I was putting clean washing in DS room this morning and shoved some paperwork in his drawer and my eye caught 2 pages hanging from his drawer. They are basically suicide notes, one to us,his family and one to his best mate.
They are obviously newly written as he mentions things that have only just happened.
Im shaking. What do I do? I've put them back but I cannot ignore them. DS is 22, currently at work sad

MajesticWhine Thu 07-Nov-19 10:27:51

Can you call him? Make sure he is safe right now? Ask him what he plans to do?
He might have hoped you would see them.
You need to get him help, maybe from your local crisis service. Can you google the number and speak to them for advice?

BIWI Thu 07-Nov-19 10:29:18

Can you go and talk to him at work, in his lunch hour perhaps?

If not, then you definitely need to talk to him when he gets home.

Has he been suffering from depression at all, do you know? Does he talk to you much about his feelings, etc?

JustaScratch Thu 07-Nov-19 10:31:29

I'm so sorry OP. Perhaps call the Samaritan’s - they may be able to offer some clear advice.

BlueSuffragette Thu 07-Nov-19 10:31:59

So sorry OP. You must be very shocked as this sounds so unexpected. Has something traumatic happened to him recently? He needs support from professionals regarding his mental health. I'm not sure how you can do that without his consent with him being an adult but other posters will be along soon with much better advice. Just wanted to send you a hug and say how sorry I am. Maybe it's a cry for help, so he will be willing to seek support. Best of luck to you and your son. flowers

Wilmalovescake Thu 07-Nov-19 10:32:19

Make contact with him. Try and get to him at lunch time.

cheesewitheverything Thu 07-Nov-19 10:35:26

I can only hope cho what others have said and advise you to contact him so you at least know he is safe. It's good he lives with you, so you can see him later and talk to him.

slipperywhensparticus Thu 07-Nov-19 10:35:31

Make sure he is at work

Hellofromtheotherside2020 Thu 07-Nov-19 10:36:18

I second the comment about you reaching out to the samiratians for their advice.

OMG you poor thing, hugest hug. I can't even imagine XX

I'm relieved you've found them now however, because it's not too late. Will be thinking of you

FranticPleaseHelp Thu 07-Nov-19 10:41:54

thankyou. He has txt me this morning like he normally does, just general stuff.
He went through a 'down' period about a year ago but seemed to have picked up from that.
He has some good friends but he's a very closed book.His dad is the same , doesn't show his emotions

bobbleb Thu 07-Nov-19 10:53:09

Hello, please find some ways to gently connect with him. So good that he lives with you. Take this opportunity to engage him, support him and talk about what his needs are. Nothing is too big to work through. Encourage him to see or take him to the GP. My family are in the very recent aftermath of a family member taking their life. We wish that there had been opportunities to support them. Praying for you and your son today. X

Yarboosucks Thu 07-Nov-19 10:59:15

I would also recommend phoning the Samaritans and getting their advice.

I would not be able to mask the fact that I had seen the notes and would probably end up mentioning it - this is not necessarily advice but it is my initial reaction.

I have a son of the same age who has had issues with depression BTW

FranticPleaseHelp Thu 07-Nov-19 11:03:28

bobbleb I'm so.sorry your family has gone through this.
This is suddenly very real and I'm very scared. Thanks for the advice. When he was depressed last year he wouldn't go to GP or talk to anyone other than his mate. How can I physically get him help if he refuses?

Happyspud Thu 07-Nov-19 11:07:44

This is a hell of a lot better than the alternative, try to see it like that. Although I can imagine how terrifying this all is. You at least have the opportunity now to help him. I think the Samaritans can advise you but you finding these was very very lucky.

BumbleBeee69 Thu 07-Nov-19 11:08:08

Can you go to his work and just say hello hug him and tell him you love him so much.

I would shower him in open conversation about how much he's needed loved and cherished today tomorrow and every day. You need to find the strength to talk about this, don't delay.

I'm so sorry OP, please try to get him to open up.

Mumof21989 Thu 07-Nov-19 11:08:38

You need to sit him down tonight and talk to him. my cousin killed himself in july and left behind kids, grandkids etc. He was 45 and whilst his family knew he was depressed they thought he was happy enough and his medication was working. He had been planning it for weeks and had signed stuff over to his kids etc. There are charities like calms and mind. You can take him to the gp. I hope everything works out ok for you. I'm so sorry you must be heartbroken xxx

81Byerley Thu 07-Nov-19 11:19:04

Could you ask his friend to talk to him?

hallohallohallo Thu 07-Nov-19 11:19:51

I would not phone your DS and question him about the notes, what if he hung up the phone on you? You'd be questioning where he was, what he was doing. Phone the Samaritans and speak it through with them for advice.

EdinaMonsoon Thu 07-Nov-19 11:29:05

As hard as it is, you must talk to him openly & honestly but without placing any judgement or guilt on either side. It’s good to be calm but direct. Examples might be: Do you have a specific plan? Do you really want to die or do you just want this pain to end? More often than not, the answer to that second question is simply wanting to live without pain. That gives you an opportunity to talk about all the alternatives.

Do the notes indicate any reason?

Whilst the Samaritans will listen to your concerns, they aren’t able to give advice (ex-Sam myself) but will give you the space to explore your options.

There are crisis support services for under-25’s that operate by text. They are entirely confidential (your son’s number won’t appear) & are a good way to explore feelings that we might not be able to say out loud. I’ll pop back with some links in a minute.

My son attempted suicide early this year. Thankfully I found him in time. The thing that struck me the most, & the reason I went to check on him that night, is how calm & quiet he appeared. Quite often, people feel at peace once they have made the decision to end their lives.

EdinaMonsoon Thu 07-Nov-19 11:30:08

I would also urge you not to do this by phone. It needs to be a calm face to face conversation.

EdinaMonsoon Thu 07-Nov-19 11:31:43

youngminds.org.uk/find-help/get-urgent-help/youngminds-crisis-messenger/

EdinaMonsoon Thu 07-Nov-19 11:32:58

hectorshouse.org.uk/

Not a helpline per se but a good source for signposting towards the help & support your son needs.

FranticPleaseHelp Thu 07-Nov-19 11:46:28

Thank you so much.
im sorry for those that have been through it. It does seem prevalent in young men.
Nothing much of reasons in the letters, he said he doesn't want to feel like this anymore.
Im not going to phone him at work but I need to speak to him tonight. I don't want him to go into hiding tho, if he knows I know won't this make things worse?

BIWI Thu 07-Nov-19 11:50:00

Not necessarily - he may feel that he doesn't want to burden you by talking about how he feels, so could have a sense of relief that you know.

But I genuinely don't know how best to advise. Contacting the Samaritans sounds like a good way to go.

theresthepurpleline Thu 07-Nov-19 11:55:44

I agree about you contacting the Samaritans. You could ask them to make a 'third party call' to your son. They could phone your son to say you are concerned about him and talk to him about his feelings (if he wanted to). Samaritans would not be able to disclose what was talked about to you.
Thinking about you and hoping that you both/all get the support you deserve.

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