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to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

(658 Posts)
thedevilwithbarty Sun 03-Nov-19 12:23:57

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

MulticolourMophead Tue 12-Nov-19 09:13:56

I have checked back through the OP's posts and can't see anywhere that she states that the host mum deliberately did this to humiliate the kids.

I agree. I still think the mum was just trying to ensure the kids had food, and the label on the bin wasn't at the top of her priorities.

OP, instead of making assumptions about what happened, why don't you go and have a chat with the party mum, and find out what really went on. I doubt your friend was present for the whole thing, so won't have the whole story.

Violetparis Mon 11-Nov-19 21:34:39

I would have asked the kids with siblings to share their food with their siblings. If they didn't want to I'd let the parent who dumped their uninvited kids on me deal with any fallout at pick up.

torain6319 Mon 11-Nov-19 21:27:13

I’ve actually done something similar. Bin was NOT meant for uninvited siblings! It was simply for the things kids didn’t like. As party food was mostly chosen by my dc, any leftovers were simply eaten by dc later and not thrown away. Host mom probably did same and made into a game. And yes I did have 1 older and 1 younger sibling from same family uninvited who ate from the “yuck bin” and quite happily as there was no slop involved. Host probably patted self on back for brilliant plan to save food actually served an even better purpose and then gets jumped☹️. I’d have quietly told other mom to fuck off & never invited any of her children again.

Wineislifex Mon 11-Nov-19 17:50:31

Uninvited bloody autocorrect!

Wineislifex Mon 11-Nov-19 17:49:43

I think the ones who are claiming the mother acted intentionally rude and cruel and threw words around such as bullying and abuse are the parents that have and/or do dump invited siblings at parties 🤣🤣 CFers let this be a warning to you, the bin is waiting!

ddl1 Sun 10-Nov-19 21:00:38

I think it is rude to bring uninvited children, and I wouldn't blame the mother for giving them leftovers or even nothing at all except drinks of water; it is the use of the bin with a vomit emoji that I find objectionable.

FrancisCrawford Sat 09-Nov-19 17:36:12

For “bing” read bin

If she had forced the gatecrashers to eat out of a bing, that would have been unreasonable!

And dirty.

FrancisCrawford Sat 09-Nov-19 17:34:49

*run with the undertone of the OP posts and the implications coming from use of language such as being ‘made’ to eat out of the bing

Very true about the undertone. There was a dist8nct impression given that OP was “on the side of” CF mum, at the very least

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 09-Nov-19 15:06:07

Yes, I agree with you that the undertone is coming from the OP's posts, which are definitely judgemental against the host mum.

Winesalot Sat 09-Nov-19 15:03:27

In saying that @ThumbWitchesAbroad - I think we are both agreed that the host mum probably did not do it intentionally.

And that while I would be rolling my eyes at the yuck bin, it certainly was not aimed at parents as you and I have both said earlier in the thread I think.

Winesalot Sat 09-Nov-19 14:59:09

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

She has not said specifically that it was deliberate. However, the press have definitely picked up and run with the undertone of the OP posts and the implications coming from use of language such as being ‘made’ to eat out of the bin.

Plus, she has only ever had the story relayed via a reliable source. And now it has been published in at least three countries when I last looked a few days ago.

OP has also never allowed for the fact that this host mum simply made an error in judgement that myself, and others here, could have easily made by being fully occupied doing the things that you need to keep a party going.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 09-Nov-19 14:08:15

Winesalot - I have checked back through the OP's posts and can't see anywhere that she states that the host mum deliberately did this to humiliate the kids. Creating the bin would of course have been deliberate, and probably with humorous intent; but I doubt very much that the host mum did it with the intention of humiliating uninvited siblings - she just had a collection of unwanted food to offer them, which she did.

Sure, she could have taken the label off but all the kids would have seen it by then. She could have taken the food out and put it on the plates, but probably they would all have seen that too. Waste of energy and time at a party with so many children (plus unwanted extras!) to deal with.

It's still a simple enough equation - if you want your children to be treated equally to invited guests, then don't dump them where they haven't been invited. CF mum should be grateful there was any food at all for her gatecrashing sprog - and s/he should have been grateful to get anything!

Winesalot Thu 07-Nov-19 20:04:53

Loyalty. That has been proposed quite a few times. But the OP has stated that it was completely deliberate so she must have some other information that she is not sharing.

Although, obviously if the name of said bin has not been changed, the host mum will certainly know someone from the party has been talking and that she is now branded as an inhumane bully in multiple countries.

LoyaltyBonus Thu 07-Nov-19 19:43:53

I've come to this late and haven't rtt but surely the "yuk box" was a light hearted way to collect in food children didn't want, avoiding mess and waste. Then when she realised she had unexpected children, that was all she had to offer them. She didn't create the yuk box especially to offer it to the gatecrashers

magratvonlipwig Thu 07-Nov-19 19:38:02

Disagree with those of you who feel inviting mum should have said no siblings. Why should she have to list whos not invited?.
Uninvited kids dumped at party of kids they arent friends with is just bloody rude and the other parents should be ashamed. They shouldnt expect to be fed either. Anything they got was a bonus. This may teach the cheeky scrounging parents a lesson

FrancisCrawford Thu 07-Nov-19 18:19:34

making them a focus of ridicule - eating from a "yuck bin" - is worse

You’ve made that up.
You are putting your own interpretation on it, and inventing wildly. Yo7 have zero knowledge that the CF kids were made a focus of anything, far less ridicule. In fact you’ve had several posters say their kids would find the whole thing hilarious.

And remember - the CF kids didn’t actually need to eat. They wouldn’t starve in the space of a couple of hours. The most they would be is a bit peckish.

Never mind, I’m sure the village gossip is now focusing on who the clype is.

BloggersBlog Thu 07-Nov-19 09:54:45

You say "everyone" is talking about it - what is the response to the fact it is in the paper now? CF must surely know and now seen this thread!

phoenixrosehere Thu 07-Nov-19 09:28:53

* don't this thread is any more clickbaity than any other thread on MN, and I'm not responsibe for the gutter journalists who trawl for filler material rather than working for a living. There are no names or locations mentioned and "splashed around the world" is a tad hyperbolic for two articles which won't interest the majority of people.*

Are you new here OP? Or new to technology?

It has happen countless times that threads on mumsnet end up in the news or on social media.

You are partly responsible whether you like to think so or not because you posted it looking to criticise. What’s even worse you weren’t even there so only know from a secondhand source yet have the gall to think you’re innocent in this. You already had your mind made up over something you heard and wasn’t even there for. Your own words in the OP already suggested you thought host mum did it intentionally saying in your village that there was parents who often did this at the beginning of your post. You rather believe she did this intentionally than that she did some quick thinking to provide food for uninvited guests. You said yourself you wouldn’t let children go hungry yet you keep acting as if the host mum did just that or didn’t do enough for them and it’s her fault for not providing more than she already had for children who weren’t invited in the first place.

Reading this thread has made me never want to have a class party ever. I’ll just let my sons invite a few of their mates and take them somewhere. The politics and the cheekiness of some parents is not worth it.

Winesalot Thu 07-Nov-19 06:59:52

Actually OP, it has started spreading around the world. At least some of the newer rewrites also make it very clear that this story has been relayed by someone who wasn’t there and heard it from friends . But they all pretty much start with the fact that it was ‘premeditated.’

I would like to ask you why you believe this to be true? Do you speak to the host mum regularly enough to know her very well and has she told you this yourself? You must have great confidence that this was intentional rather than a slip up.

OneTwoThreeDoeRayMe Thu 07-Nov-19 02:54:53

* I couldn't treat ANY child like that* confused

Oh you really are a piece of work, OP.

And now you've managed to get the story in the papers - love your shockshockshock faces.

Summerlovin24 Thu 07-Nov-19 01:47:55

I wouldn’t have dreamt of leaving an uninvited child at a party. It is rude and I would have been concerned about that child if it wasn’t their year group- would have felt left out

Nerfballs Thu 07-Nov-19 01:39:09

Anyway regardless, you clearly have your mind made up. Hopefully host mum and birthday child are OK. I'm sure the atmosphere is pretty poisonous around both of them at the moment, not particularly deserved and certainly not the birthday child's fault either. Sounds like the town has played right into CF mum's drama queen entitlement - mountain made out of a molehill, check.

BellyButton85 Thu 07-Nov-19 01:30:28

This also reminds me why I don't want to be a weird village person

Nerfballs Thu 07-Nov-19 01:29:44

What is relevant is there was nothing more than words exchanged between two adults in a carpark and the police had resources to do a wellbeing check within the hour. So an abandoned child at a party centre? Yeah I'm thinking they'd respond.

Nerfballs Thu 07-Nov-19 01:28:00

No I suppose you're not 'responsible' for gutter journalists but they're your words they're quoting - which are heresay and slanted very clearly to what you think happened. Not what actually happened. You weren't a witness or involved at all. And you don't know the mum's intent. Happy to throw her to the wolves though, which does make me wonder about your motives.

You're right about police and a home party. A kid at the bowling alley/hot pools/cinema /theme park who is not my responsibility, not paid for and not allowed in? That's abandonment and dangerous as anything could happen to them.

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