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to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

(658 Posts)
thedevilwithbarty Sun 03-Nov-19 12:23:57

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

bookmum08 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:38:55

What's the point of making up lunch boxes but telling the children to take out what they don't like to put in a bin. Weird.
(I have only ever done small parties at home and a couple of extra siblings have never bothered me)

recrudescence Sun 03-Nov-19 12:39:03

Essentially feeding them from a slops bucket.

It’s absolutely, totally nothing like that. You win the ridiculous comment of 2019 prize.

Passthecherrycoke Sun 03-Nov-19 12:39:49

It’s also rather sinister that she went to all the trouble of making and printing a “bin label” and coming up with the concept in the first place. You would have to be weirdly obsessed with uninvited siblings to be so prepared

Merryoldgoat Sun 03-Nov-19 12:39:53

The hosting mother has displayed an astonishing lack of any kind of class frankly. That’s vile.

If she wanted to make a point she could’ve not fed them at all. Her behaviour was premeditated (she was obviously prepared for the eventuality) and decided to make a point at the expense of the children.

The other mother was absolutely out of line but the host mother relinquished the high ground with her behaviour.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 03-Nov-19 12:40:49

The parents dumping all of their children are CFs but the mother feeding the children from a bin is horrendous.

I’ve hosted parties for DD and there have been extra children arrive. At DD’s 4th birthday, siblings came but parents didn’t leave. I told them all to sit down as there was plenty of food. I cannot find it in myself to see a child going hungry or missing out whilst others get something. It’s not their fault they’ve been dragged along.

WelshCake2019 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:40:53

Id have just turned them away at the door....or called parents demanding to pick them up....

Brazenhussy0 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:41:45

I think the party Mum is a bloody genius. Found a way to use any food that would have been wasted, made it a fun joke, and sent a clear message to CF parents leaving uninvited siblings.
It’s a slam dunk really innit. Good for her. I’m sure the ‘yuck bin’ kids will survive the trauma... hmm

CatToddlerUprising Sun 03-Nov-19 12:41:55

To be honest if hosting parents don’t say anything at the time about unexpected extras and just cater for them and bitch about it later, how is it any better?

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:42:07

Ok, fine.

Then essentially it's saying 'here kids, put all the crap you don't like in here and these B-listers can pick over it'.

Either way, it's not a way I'd treat a guest at a party. And when you allow a child to stay, they become a guest.

Disclaimer: I am an events organiser by trade so my professional standards may be colouring my view here.

SylvanianFrenemies Sun 03-Nov-19 12:42:22

Is everyone on this thread so meek they can't say "sorry, Jimmy can't stay, it is so hectic here we wouldn't be able to watch him too/we've only booked f or 20 and the venue won't let us add on more"? I'm a real people pleaser and I know I could manage that. Though in 5 years of kids parties I've never had kids dumped on.me, or known it to happen to anyone e lse.....

Greenkit Sun 03-Nov-19 12:44:15

An invite to 'childs name' doesn't mean bring your uninvited brat to the party.

I wouldn't have fed them at all, and turned them away at the door

CF

WillLokireturn Sun 03-Nov-19 12:44:39

Hosting mother could have done it better as a 'spare food' tray. But totally agree with her stance, if the other CF Parents dumped extra uninvited children and just ran, I'd have wanted to ring them and say, you forgot your other child, please come collect. At least she fed them!!! It annoyed me no end when CF parents did this including at pay per head parties. I was once left 2 littlies on a pony party that the mum expected me to entertain as well as host DDs party . You can hardly leave 3&4 year olds to run loose around stables!

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 03-Nov-19 12:45:52

It’s the fact that it’s called the yuck bin that makes it seem worse than it is.
A different name and it wouldn’t have been a problem.
If the food was covered flies that’d be entirely different but If it was just food that other kids didn’t want I’m sorry but I can’t see the issue.
What was she supposed to do let the kids go hungry. Then she’d have been a cunt that way. People have to win somehow.
It’s all very well over cater, but Where do you draw the line at that.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:46:22

@Passthecherrycoke This is it; she's quite obviously preempted the issue arising, so why not just state on the invite that capacity is limited so unfortunately siblings can't be accommodated?

As another PP has said above, she's surrendered the moral high ground here, plus when word gets around there may not be quite so many RSVPs next year.

Funny joke.

cstaff Sun 03-Nov-19 12:46:34

I think the hosting mother was dead right especially if this is a regular occurrence. Genius if I'm honest. As for the CF mum, well she might not be so quick to look for free babysitting again in a hurry.

P1nkHeartLovesCake Sun 03-Nov-19 12:47:59

It’s not a nice way to treat children but if the cheeky fucker parent hadn’t took them to party they weren’t invited too it wouldn’t of happened....The parents are the ones responsible.

I completely agree with her point and giving them unwanted food (as long as it wasn’t sandwiches with a bite taken)

Tistheseason17 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:48:16

OMG - my first instinct was to laugh at this! Fair play for the mum for making a point to the CF parents for dumping their kids, but prob not the best way of labelling the food!

She should have gone with "Food for kids of CFs" - where obviously, CF means caring families..... who dumped their uninvited kids

CuriousaboutSamphire Sun 03-Nov-19 12:48:53

Then essentially it's saying 'here kids, put all the crap you don't like in here and these B-listers can pick over it'. No no no no!

They were NONE LISTERS, they weren't invited!

I think it was a great idea. Harsh, but I couldn't have sympathy for the mother of a child who was fed from the Yuk Bin. For the child yes, that child has an emotionally detached parent - or they wouldn't have been dumped at a party they weren't invited to!

It is almost impossible for anything the hosting mother did to be worse than a parent abandoning an uninvited child anywhere Why would anyone do that?

honeylulu Sun 03-Nov-19 12:48:58

I think it's going a bit far, only because it's horrible for the "dumped" siblings to eat from a bin!!!

But the parents doing the dumping of unwanted siblings are so, so, rude, entitled and presumptuous. I've had this happen at leisure centre parties where you pay per child and they get an individual "lunch box" tea so it works have been awkward and/or costly (luckily on each occasion there were last minute drop outs).

My kids are 14 and 5 so I'm now on the second round and the same things are happening. There are two sets of parents who always come as a unit of four, one family has an older sibling, one a younger one. I really don't get this. If there were genuine child care reasons (one parent at work) it would be more understandable but when BOTH parents rock up as well WTF?

On one occasion at a soft play party the parents were told firmly that the older sister wasn't included and they had to pay her entrance fee. But then during the party tea, instead of taking older child to the cafe, the parents and sister sat mournfully at the side of the party room making loud comments about how hungry sibling was.

Yesterday I took youngest to a swimming party. The other family rocked up as a four with younger sibling in tow, complete with swimming gear. The really cheeky thing was that the host parents had asked for a certain number of guest parents to swim as they needed a 1:2 ratio. But despite bringing TWO kids (one uninvited) neither of the parents volunteered to swim! Fortunately there were just enough of us in the water but I was seething a bit. Getting my kit off in front of the school mums and dads isn't exactly my idea of fun either!

TSSDNCOP Sun 03-Nov-19 12:49:03

Party mum was stupid as it was ultimately her own child that was upset at their party.

I sort of see her point though. I’ve been out of pocket many times as a result of the extra sibling scenario. We are seen as an easy mark I think as DC is an only so of course hmm we’ve got extra money swishing about.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:49:39

@SylvanianFrenemies I genuinely don't mind having siblings stay. I often invite them to because I think it's a bit sad for them to see the fun of the party and then go home. But I'm a soft touch and very much of the 'more the merrier' school of thought.

If I wasn't I'd just say no to the parent. I wouldn't act like a prick to a little kid.

WomensRightsAreContraversial Sun 03-Nov-19 12:50:01

You'e right nobody has behaved with decorum here.

Host mother could have made a polite point in the invitations of "sorry, no siblings!" Or "<child name> is invited to our party, blah blah blah, by named invite only" and had much less drama.

satanstoenailsandwich Sun 03-Nov-19 12:50:37

But presumably she didn't create the yuck bin for this purpose? She was always going to gather up the unwanted food as presumably she didn't want a load of waste. It's not like she fed them from an actual bin.

thedevilwithbarty Sun 03-Nov-19 12:50:48

I agree the dump-and-run mum was a CFI just think it's vindictive to take it out on children. At least one of them was upset by it, that's why he told his mum when she picked him up and she lost her shit. I wouldn't want to be offered food out of a bin with a vomiting emoji on it. And if it was anything like my kids' parties, it would have been all carrot sticks and cheese and onion crisps. I doubt the Yuck Bin kids got any cake sad

billybagpuss Sun 03-Nov-19 12:51:31

It’s not like feeding them from the school dinner slop bin, I assume this is all untouched, sealed items of food, so if a kid didn’t like cheese and onion crisps into the yuck bin it went. You can’t expect to drop an uninvited child off, benefit from free child care and expect to be catered for as well.

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