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to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

(658 Posts)
thedevilwithbarty Sun 03-Nov-19 12:23:57

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

Stayawayfromitsmouth Sun 03-Nov-19 12:27:58

shock that is an atrocious way to treat the kids.
If you're understandably pissed off at having the extra kids. Either make it very clear on the invite that there are to be no siblings. They will not be able to participate and no food if left. Any shaming should be aimed at the CF parents.

SylvanianFrenemies Sun 03-Nov-19 12:28:19

I think YABU. If the unwanted food was untouched this is a good solution. I imagine most kids would think the vomiting emoji was funny.

It is so rude to dump your kids at a party they aren't invited to. I can't imagine accommodating it. Don't you just say no? Politely of course.

Passthecherrycoke Sun 03-Nov-19 12:29:33

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Di11y Sun 03-Nov-19 12:30:23

feeding them unwanted food is fine, from a yuck bin not so much. but better to make it clear on the invite first.

Puzzledandpissedoff Sun 03-Nov-19 12:30:55

No, you're not BU; there's no need for downright rudeness, but I can only think she perhaps feels the same? Maybe she's had extras dumped on her once too often and has gone off the deep end?

GiveMeAllTheGin8 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:31:09

Extremely rude to drop off uninvited children. I wouldn’t have taken them tbh
BUT giving them food from a “yuck bin” is so demeaning to the children. I’m actually appalled by it.

ddl1 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:32:22

I think that the 'yuck bin' is a horrible idea and basically bullying. Yes, the parents should not have dumped uninvited children on you, but I actually think it would be better even to give them nothing at all, than the 'yuck bin' - and drawing the vomiting emoji is disgusting. Suppose a child at the party had a phobia about vomiting? - it's not an uncommon phobia.

SylvanianFrenemies Sun 03-Nov-19 12:32:57

Whether it is humiliating or not would depend how it is done. I guess that's unknown and if it was done in a shaming, rather than warm and funny way, then of course that's not on.

ddl1 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:33:15

Sorry - 'should not have dumped uninvited children on the host'; I realize that it's not the OP!

BuffaloCauliflower Sun 03-Nov-19 12:33:15

It was excessive but sometimes excessive is the only way to get things done. Maybe the rude parents leaving uninvited kids will think again next time. The children won’t be scarred by this.

Aderyn19 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:33:47

I think the host mother has actually behaved far worse than the CF who left uninvited kids at the party. It's an absolute fundamental rule that adults should be kind to children. This was beyond shitty behaviour.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:33:49

This is an appalling way to treat children. Essentially feeding them from a slops bucket.

Yes, of course siblings shouldn't just be left at parties without prior agreement but the poor behaviour of the parent should not impact on the child.

I have hosted parties where siblings have been dropped too. I make up extra party bags and over-cater just in case. If I wasn't prepared to do that, I'd just make sure the siblings were not left in my care. I wouldn't treat them like shit to teach their parents some manners.

Greatnorthwoods Sun 03-Nov-19 12:33:58

I doubt the kids cared, for most kids, food is food.

Icecreamsoda99 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:34:22

I'm not sure why she couldn't tell the parents at drop off that she had done individual lunch boxes and if they had to stay they would have to share a box with their siblings as no spare food. The yuck bin sounds gross but I can't totally understand her being peed off!

usernamerisnotavailable Sun 03-Nov-19 12:34:56

fair play to her. the uninvited children's mum was incredibly rude and hopefully has learned her lesson. am sure the children were fine.

MargotLovedTom1 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:35:13

If she was that hard-core then surely she would have said at the very start, "Nope, you'll have to take little Timmy with you, the invitation was just for Tommy." Repeat for every other arsehole parent trying to dump extra children.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:35:21

@Greatnorthwoods my kids would absolutely care about being fed cast off items from a bin.

Samcro Sun 03-Nov-19 12:36:10

the parent who dumped her kids there is in the wrong.
at leat party mum gave them something.

Puzzledandpissedoff Sun 03-Nov-19 12:36:17

FWIW I agree about making it clear on the invites, but to real CFs it makes no difference; it was like this when my own DS was small and young friends tell it it's just got worse

The worst always claim a "childcare emergency" when actually they do it all the time, which is why I admire a pal who simply refuses to let extras in. She's managed to get rid of the real CFs, and funnily enough her parties are among the most popular now

SylvanianFrenemies Sun 03-Nov-19 12:36:45

Slops bucket? I am sure the OP would have mentioned if this was in use. Is it not more likely it was a tub of crisp bags, cereal bars and fruit.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:36:54

@MargotLovedTom1 Exactly. This was actually an incredibly cowardly and PA way to deal with the situation.

Halo1234 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:36:59

That's awful. The hosting mum should have just said at drop off or on invite..sorry no siblings.

thedevilwithbarty Sun 03-Nov-19 12:37:39

So it is as shocking as I thought it was! I would have rolled my eyes at the rudeness of dumping extra children, but I would probably have just brought extra food boxes and if they weren't needed DH and I would have eaten them.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:38:17

It was a bin with a vomit emoji on it. Likely full of carrot and cucumber sticks if the discarded food at parties I've attended is anything to go by.

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