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to think that while bringing uninvited children to a party is rude, this mother's response is HARDCORE

(658 Posts)
thedevilwithbarty Sun 03-Nov-19 12:23:57

So there has been a bit of an issue lately at our local primary (the one my kids went to, they're teens now but it's a small community, so we still know a lot of people there) with people bringing additional kids (siblings) to parties and it's perceived as quite cheeky, especially when they're left and hosting parents expected to supervise and feed kids they didn't invite.

There was a whole-class party at a leisure centre last weekend at which the hosting mum had done little lunch boxes for each child with the usual - rolls, fairy cakes, fruit, veg sticks, crisps etc. There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

If I were the hosting parent and I knew this wa likely to happen, I would have either put a note on the invitation that I was catering for the children individually, so please do NOT bring additional children, or brought a few extra boxes of food - I'd be pissed off at the cheekiness, but I wouldn't see a child go hungry.

This mum had brought a little bin with a sign on it saying "Yuck Bin" with a vomiting emoji shock which she passed around for all the children to put the items they didn't like from their food boxes. Then the uninvited siblings were allowed to take food from the Yuck Bin.

I wasn't there, obviously, but I have heard via friends that one of the mothers of the additional children flipped out at the end of the party when she was told by her child about how he was fed. There was a bit of a scene and the birthday child was upset. I can see her point tbh - she's a rude cow for dumping her children wholesale without asking first, but the hosting mum's way of dealing with it was horrible. AIBU to think that nobody has behaved very well here?

Stayawayfromitsmouth Sun 03-Nov-19 12:27:58

shock that is an atrocious way to treat the kids.
If you're understandably pissed off at having the extra kids. Either make it very clear on the invite that there are to be no siblings. They will not be able to participate and no food if left. Any shaming should be aimed at the CF parents.

SylvanianFrenemies Sun 03-Nov-19 12:28:19

I think YABU. If the unwanted food was untouched this is a good solution. I imagine most kids would think the vomiting emoji was funny.

It is so rude to dump your kids at a party they aren't invited to. I can't imagine accommodating it. Don't you just say no? Politely of course.

Passthecherrycoke Sun 03-Nov-19 12:29:33

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Di11y Sun 03-Nov-19 12:30:23

feeding them unwanted food is fine, from a yuck bin not so much. but better to make it clear on the invite first.

Puzzledandpissedoff Sun 03-Nov-19 12:30:55

No, you're not BU; there's no need for downright rudeness, but I can only think she perhaps feels the same? Maybe she's had extras dumped on her once too often and has gone off the deep end?

GiveMeAllTheGin8 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:31:09

Extremely rude to drop off uninvited children. I wouldn’t have taken them tbh
BUT giving them food from a “yuck bin” is so demeaning to the children. I’m actually appalled by it.

ddl1 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:32:22

I think that the 'yuck bin' is a horrible idea and basically bullying. Yes, the parents should not have dumped uninvited children on you, but I actually think it would be better even to give them nothing at all, than the 'yuck bin' - and drawing the vomiting emoji is disgusting. Suppose a child at the party had a phobia about vomiting? - it's not an uncommon phobia.

SylvanianFrenemies Sun 03-Nov-19 12:32:57

Whether it is humiliating or not would depend how it is done. I guess that's unknown and if it was done in a shaming, rather than warm and funny way, then of course that's not on.

ddl1 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:33:15

Sorry - 'should not have dumped uninvited children on the host'; I realize that it's not the OP!

BuffaloCauliflower Sun 03-Nov-19 12:33:15

It was excessive but sometimes excessive is the only way to get things done. Maybe the rude parents leaving uninvited kids will think again next time. The children won’t be scarred by this.

Aderyn19 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:33:47

I think the host mother has actually behaved far worse than the CF who left uninvited kids at the party. It's an absolute fundamental rule that adults should be kind to children. This was beyond shitty behaviour.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:33:49

This is an appalling way to treat children. Essentially feeding them from a slops bucket.

Yes, of course siblings shouldn't just be left at parties without prior agreement but the poor behaviour of the parent should not impact on the child.

I have hosted parties where siblings have been dropped too. I make up extra party bags and over-cater just in case. If I wasn't prepared to do that, I'd just make sure the siblings were not left in my care. I wouldn't treat them like shit to teach their parents some manners.

Greatnorthwoods Sun 03-Nov-19 12:33:58

I doubt the kids cared, for most kids, food is food.

Icecreamsoda99 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:34:22

I'm not sure why she couldn't tell the parents at drop off that she had done individual lunch boxes and if they had to stay they would have to share a box with their siblings as no spare food. The yuck bin sounds gross but I can't totally understand her being peed off!

usernamerisnotavailable Sun 03-Nov-19 12:34:56

fair play to her. the uninvited children's mum was incredibly rude and hopefully has learned her lesson. am sure the children were fine.

MargotLovedTom1 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:35:13

If she was that hard-core then surely she would have said at the very start, "Nope, you'll have to take little Timmy with you, the invitation was just for Tommy." Repeat for every other arsehole parent trying to dump extra children.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:35:21

@Greatnorthwoods my kids would absolutely care about being fed cast off items from a bin.

Samcro Sun 03-Nov-19 12:36:10

the parent who dumped her kids there is in the wrong.
at leat party mum gave them something.

Puzzledandpissedoff Sun 03-Nov-19 12:36:17

FWIW I agree about making it clear on the invites, but to real CFs it makes no difference; it was like this when my own DS was small and young friends tell it it's just got worse

The worst always claim a "childcare emergency" when actually they do it all the time, which is why I admire a pal who simply refuses to let extras in. She's managed to get rid of the real CFs, and funnily enough her parties are among the most popular now

SylvanianFrenemies Sun 03-Nov-19 12:36:45

Slops bucket? I am sure the OP would have mentioned if this was in use. Is it not more likely it was a tub of crisp bags, cereal bars and fruit.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:36:54

@MargotLovedTom1 Exactly. This was actually an incredibly cowardly and PA way to deal with the situation.

Halo1234 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:36:59

That's awful. The hosting mum should have just said at drop off or on invite..sorry no siblings.

thedevilwithbarty Sun 03-Nov-19 12:37:39

So it is as shocking as I thought it was! I would have rolled my eyes at the rudeness of dumping extra children, but I would probably have just brought extra food boxes and if they weren't needed DH and I would have eaten them.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:38:17

It was a bin with a vomit emoji on it. Likely full of carrot and cucumber sticks if the discarded food at parties I've attended is anything to go by.

bookmum08 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:38:55

What's the point of making up lunch boxes but telling the children to take out what they don't like to put in a bin. Weird.
(I have only ever done small parties at home and a couple of extra siblings have never bothered me)

recrudescence Sun 03-Nov-19 12:39:03

Essentially feeding them from a slops bucket.

It’s absolutely, totally nothing like that. You win the ridiculous comment of 2019 prize.

Passthecherrycoke Sun 03-Nov-19 12:39:49

It’s also rather sinister that she went to all the trouble of making and printing a “bin label” and coming up with the concept in the first place. You would have to be weirdly obsessed with uninvited siblings to be so prepared

Merryoldgoat Sun 03-Nov-19 12:39:53

The hosting mother has displayed an astonishing lack of any kind of class frankly. That’s vile.

If she wanted to make a point she could’ve not fed them at all. Her behaviour was premeditated (she was obviously prepared for the eventuality) and decided to make a point at the expense of the children.

The other mother was absolutely out of line but the host mother relinquished the high ground with her behaviour.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 03-Nov-19 12:40:49

The parents dumping all of their children are CFs but the mother feeding the children from a bin is horrendous.

I’ve hosted parties for DD and there have been extra children arrive. At DD’s 4th birthday, siblings came but parents didn’t leave. I told them all to sit down as there was plenty of food. I cannot find it in myself to see a child going hungry or missing out whilst others get something. It’s not their fault they’ve been dragged along.

WelshCake2019 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:40:53

Id have just turned them away at the door....or called parents demanding to pick them up....

Brazenhussy0 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:41:45

I think the party Mum is a bloody genius. Found a way to use any food that would have been wasted, made it a fun joke, and sent a clear message to CF parents leaving uninvited siblings.
It’s a slam dunk really innit. Good for her. I’m sure the ‘yuck bin’ kids will survive the trauma... hmm

CatToddlerUprising Sun 03-Nov-19 12:41:55

To be honest if hosting parents don’t say anything at the time about unexpected extras and just cater for them and bitch about it later, how is it any better?

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:42:07

Ok, fine.

Then essentially it's saying 'here kids, put all the crap you don't like in here and these B-listers can pick over it'.

Either way, it's not a way I'd treat a guest at a party. And when you allow a child to stay, they become a guest.

Disclaimer: I am an events organiser by trade so my professional standards may be colouring my view here.

SylvanianFrenemies Sun 03-Nov-19 12:42:22

Is everyone on this thread so meek they can't say "sorry, Jimmy can't stay, it is so hectic here we wouldn't be able to watch him too/we've only booked f or 20 and the venue won't let us add on more"? I'm a real people pleaser and I know I could manage that. Though in 5 years of kids parties I've never had kids dumped, or known it to happen to anyone e lse.....

Greenkit Sun 03-Nov-19 12:44:15

An invite to 'childs name' doesn't mean bring your uninvited brat to the party.

I wouldn't have fed them at all, and turned them away at the door


WillLokireturn Sun 03-Nov-19 12:44:39

Hosting mother could have done it better as a 'spare food' tray. But totally agree with her stance, if the other CF Parents dumped extra uninvited children and just ran, I'd have wanted to ring them and say, you forgot your other child, please come collect. At least she fed them!!! It annoyed me no end when CF parents did this including at pay per head parties. I was once left 2 littlies on a pony party that the mum expected me to entertain as well as host DDs party . You can hardly leave 3&4 year olds to run loose around stables!

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 03-Nov-19 12:45:52

It’s the fact that it’s called the yuck bin that makes it seem worse than it is.
A different name and it wouldn’t have been a problem.
If the food was covered flies that’d be entirely different but If it was just food that other kids didn’t want I’m sorry but I can’t see the issue.
What was she supposed to do let the kids go hungry. Then she’d have been a cunt that way. People have to win somehow.
It’s all very well over cater, but Where do you draw the line at that.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:46:22

@Passthecherrycoke This is it; she's quite obviously preempted the issue arising, so why not just state on the invite that capacity is limited so unfortunately siblings can't be accommodated?

As another PP has said above, she's surrendered the moral high ground here, plus when word gets around there may not be quite so many RSVPs next year.

Funny joke.

cstaff Sun 03-Nov-19 12:46:34

I think the hosting mother was dead right especially if this is a regular occurrence. Genius if I'm honest. As for the CF mum, well she might not be so quick to look for free babysitting again in a hurry.

P1nkHeartLovesCake Sun 03-Nov-19 12:47:59

It’s not a nice way to treat children but if the cheeky fucker parent hadn’t took them to party they weren’t invited too it wouldn’t of happened....The parents are the ones responsible.

I completely agree with her point and giving them unwanted food (as long as it wasn’t sandwiches with a bite taken)

Tistheseason17 Sun 03-Nov-19 12:48:16

OMG - my first instinct was to laugh at this! Fair play for the mum for making a point to the CF parents for dumping their kids, but prob not the best way of labelling the food!

She should have gone with "Food for kids of CFs" - where obviously, CF means caring families..... who dumped their uninvited kids

CuriousaboutSamphire Sun 03-Nov-19 12:48:53

Then essentially it's saying 'here kids, put all the crap you don't like in here and these B-listers can pick over it'. No no no no!

They were NONE LISTERS, they weren't invited!

I think it was a great idea. Harsh, but I couldn't have sympathy for the mother of a child who was fed from the Yuk Bin. For the child yes, that child has an emotionally detached parent - or they wouldn't have been dumped at a party they weren't invited to!

It is almost impossible for anything the hosting mother did to be worse than a parent abandoning an uninvited child anywhere Why would anyone do that?

honeylulu Sun 03-Nov-19 12:48:58

I think it's going a bit far, only because it's horrible for the "dumped" siblings to eat from a bin!!!

But the parents doing the dumping of unwanted siblings are so, so, rude, entitled and presumptuous. I've had this happen at leisure centre parties where you pay per child and they get an individual "lunch box" tea so it works have been awkward and/or costly (luckily on each occasion there were last minute drop outs).

My kids are 14 and 5 so I'm now on the second round and the same things are happening. There are two sets of parents who always come as a unit of four, one family has an older sibling, one a younger one. I really don't get this. If there were genuine child care reasons (one parent at work) it would be more understandable but when BOTH parents rock up as well WTF?

On one occasion at a soft play party the parents were told firmly that the older sister wasn't included and they had to pay her entrance fee. But then during the party tea, instead of taking older child to the cafe, the parents and sister sat mournfully at the side of the party room making loud comments about how hungry sibling was.

Yesterday I took youngest to a swimming party. The other family rocked up as a four with younger sibling in tow, complete with swimming gear. The really cheeky thing was that the host parents had asked for a certain number of guest parents to swim as they needed a 1:2 ratio. But despite bringing TWO kids (one uninvited) neither of the parents volunteered to swim! Fortunately there were just enough of us in the water but I was seething a bit. Getting my kit off in front of the school mums and dads isn't exactly my idea of fun either!

TSSDNCOP Sun 03-Nov-19 12:49:03

Party mum was stupid as it was ultimately her own child that was upset at their party.

I sort of see her point though. I’ve been out of pocket many times as a result of the extra sibling scenario. We are seen as an easy mark I think as DC is an only so of course hmm we’ve got extra money swishing about.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:49:39

@SylvanianFrenemies I genuinely don't mind having siblings stay. I often invite them to because I think it's a bit sad for them to see the fun of the party and then go home. But I'm a soft touch and very much of the 'more the merrier' school of thought.

If I wasn't I'd just say no to the parent. I wouldn't act like a prick to a little kid.

WomensRightsAreContraversial Sun 03-Nov-19 12:50:01

You'e right nobody has behaved with decorum here.

Host mother could have made a polite point in the invitations of "sorry, no siblings!" Or "<child name> is invited to our party, blah blah blah, by named invite only" and had much less drama.

satanstoenailsandwich Sun 03-Nov-19 12:50:37

But presumably she didn't create the yuck bin for this purpose? She was always going to gather up the unwanted food as presumably she didn't want a load of waste. It's not like she fed them from an actual bin.

thedevilwithbarty Sun 03-Nov-19 12:50:48

I agree the dump-and-run mum was a CFI just think it's vindictive to take it out on children. At least one of them was upset by it, that's why he told his mum when she picked him up and she lost her shit. I wouldn't want to be offered food out of a bin with a vomiting emoji on it. And if it was anything like my kids' parties, it would have been all carrot sticks and cheese and onion crisps. I doubt the Yuck Bin kids got any cake sad

billybagpuss Sun 03-Nov-19 12:51:31

It’s not like feeding them from the school dinner slop bin, I assume this is all untouched, sealed items of food, so if a kid didn’t like cheese and onion crisps into the yuck bin it went. You can’t expect to drop an uninvited child off, benefit from free child care and expect to be catered for as well.

WorraLiberty Sun 03-Nov-19 12:52:47

There were unfortunately several uninvited siblings dumped by their parents at the start of the party.

This ^^ is what I don't understand.

How did several people manage to dump their kids without the host or anyone of the helpers noticing? confused

And why did the host not have the parent's phone numbers?

If I had been put in that position, I would've rang the parents immediately (if I hadn't noticed what they'd done) and told them they appear to have accidentally left a child behind.

TSSDNCOP Sun 03-Nov-19 12:53:31

Sylvanian in any other scenario I’d be the first in line to tell a CF to fuck right off.

My Achilles is my child’s birthday party. I’ve paid for 4 extra children to participate on the day rather than get into it at the start of a party.

I look back and can’t believe I did it. My friends and DH can’t believe I did it.

LightDrizzle Sun 03-Nov-19 12:55:33

The “Yuk Bin” was a jokey and rather creative way of avoiding the usual thing of finding discarded food scattered around the premises, it wasn’t planned as an insult to siblings she couldn’t know were coming. I’m sure partially eaten food was binned, -leftovers, rather than rejected items.
How old were the children? Most love that kind of thing at Primary.
I’d happily eat a mini baby bel or a Jacob’s Club from a “Yuk Bin”, but not a bin, bin obviously.
Sounds like she improvised when faced with letting them go without. Would that have been better than offering them a variety of food rejected by the guests from their selection? Just because it wasn’t plated or in a box she didn’t have?
Poor woman, sounds like there’s a witch-hunt now, which the pushy mums who dumped their kids on her will win because they are the kind of people who just push and push and don’t care about others. Presumably none of their children ate chocolate “eyeballs” or other scary sweets from a spooky bucket on Thursday either. They were sat at the table at home with a damask napkin on their laps.

MidnightMystery Sun 03-Nov-19 12:55:33

Both parents are acting like children.

Amibeingnaive Sun 03-Nov-19 12:55:33

I appreciate the siblings weren't invited but it is my view that if you allow them to stay at your party, you accept them as a guest and treat them as you would any other.

If finances/logistics don't allow, then you don't let them stay. It's not hard.

TSSDNCOP Sun 03-Nov-19 12:55:41

Worra honestly its not that easy to explain. If you met me, you’d think I wouldn’t lie down for it. But I have on several occasions. Baffles me even now.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 03-Nov-19 12:56:13

The mother lost her shit. She sounds like a CEF to me (Cheeky entitled fucker)
If she’d have kept her uninvited child with her instead of going home to sit on her arse or have a quick shag or whatever. She wouldn’t have had any cause to “lose her shit”, would she. thlangry

Frenchw1fe Sun 03-Nov-19 12:57:54

If I had the cheek to dump an uninvited child at a party and they got fed from the 'yuk' bin I would be blaming myself.
However I suspect the hosting mum knew full well what she was doing and that it was passive aggressive on her part too.
She should have put the 'extra ' food on a table and allowed the children to help themselves.
But first and foremost the cf mother is to blame.

BarbarAnna Sun 03-Nov-19 12:59:34

The overreaction on this thread is hilarious. Am sure all the kids took it as a joke. Makes sense to pass around something for this bits in a party lunchbox that people don’t like. Usually people wrap everything in those lunch boxes.

It can be hard to keep track of all the kids and turn people away when you are hosting a party. I don’t know all of my kids mates so wouldn’t know who was and wasn’t invited.

Lookingsparkly Sun 03-Nov-19 13:00:08

People REALLY should not bring uninvited siblings!

MrsLinManuelMiranda Sun 03-Nov-19 13:00:29

A mother was outraged because her child who gate crashed a party was only given food that others didn't want? I am sure the host did not actually bring a used bin, probably more like a clean receptacle, but I can't say for sure as I wasn't actually there- just like the OP.

zoflirter Sun 03-Nov-19 13:00:45

YABU it was a good solution... she'd realised people would drop off extra kids and made provisions for them without waste.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 03-Nov-19 13:00:56

Not only is down right liberty taking. More importantly it’s a serious safe guarding issue. Supposing one of the extra Kids had got out, and The host had known nothing about it or Heaven forbid if there had been a fire. No one would have been looking for the them as no one would have known they were there.

Cohle Sun 03-Nov-19 13:01:59

I think not catering for extra kids is fine, but encouraging them to eat from the bin crosses the line.

Wonkybanana Sun 03-Nov-19 13:03:37

The problem with the idea of making extra food boxes because you know what will happen, or yes it's rude of the parents but we can't take it out on the children, is that there's never any consequence for the CFs so it's becoming more and more common.

The party mum may have reached the end of her tether, and it wasn't a good way to make her point, but more people have to have the guts to say no, the extras weren't invited and can't stay. Or even (harsh I know) stop inviting the kids whose parents are known to do this.

OtraCosaMariposa Sun 03-Nov-19 13:03:44

I think that's awesome! Well done to the mum for coming up with a decent way of dealing with the cheeky fuckers. The mother of the uninvited children is just pissed off because she's been caught out in her cheeky fuckery.

Merryoldgoat Sun 03-Nov-19 13:03:45


I also include siblings at things like soft play parties or home parties. I cater loads and expect extras but that’s how I was brought up - we had no concept of ‘not invited’ to something like a child’s birthday party.

However if I had a type of party which was not suitable for siblings I’d be perfectly able to say ‘sorry, I’m not able to keep Bobby for the party, we’ve got limited spaces and they’re only for [DS’s] friends - pick up is at 4pm so you’ve got some time to do something fun’

Elbowedout Sun 03-Nov-19 13:04:50

Using the unwanted items to feed the extra kids is perfectly sensible. Calling it a yuk bin is unkind and childish. Expecting a party host to take care of uninvited children is spectacularly ill mannered.
You had it right first time OP - nobody covered themselves in glory in this incident. I wouldn't want to be friends with any of these people!

DBML Sun 03-Nov-19 13:05:46

I would never dream of leaving siblings at a party my child was invited to. Who even does that? When I held a party for ds’s 5th birthday, parents brought siblings along and paid for them to play in the soft play area too. When my child’s party started, mums and dads allowed the siblings to either keep playing or brought them back to tables and got them chips. I brought extra party bags and cake for siblings anyway. Never can I imagine a parent sneaking off and leaving siblings as well! I mean, in that situation I think the CF parent is completely in the wrong.

ittooshallpass Sun 03-Nov-19 13:06:27

I don’t think the mum who created the ‘yuk’ bin did anything wrong. In fact I think it’s a funny and creative way to stop wasting food.

CF mum can take a running jump. I was dropping my DD off at a party recently, which was an expensive cost per child activity, and witnessed a CF trying to push her two extra kids in. Party mum clocked what she was up to and very firmly said no. It’s a downright rude thing to do.

CF mums get what they deserve.

AwdBovril Sun 03-Nov-19 13:07:19

The CF parents were BU, because CF.
The party host mum was BU, (although inventive - it could have been a joke that went wrong?)
The kids that got left are the ones that were made to feel bad. They didn't cause this.

So, I voted YANBU. No-one behaved very well here.

dontalltalkatonce Sun 03-Nov-19 13:08:26

I'm so glad these days are behind me. Even if you put 'Sorry, no siblings' on the invitation, people still try to dump and run. I always acted as gatekeeper at the door and if they tried simply would not take them and after a couple of parties, the CFs didn't try it on. But personally, I don't blame the host for getting ragey.

Drum2018 Sun 03-Nov-19 13:08:32

Host mother deserves a medal. It might just teach the CF parents a lesson about thinking they can dump their kids on someone else. Though why she didn't just contact the parents and tell them to come back and get their uninvited children is beyond me.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Sun 03-Nov-19 13:08:45

Rude but she’s likely fed up of others being rude and wanted to make a point.

It’s very rude to take along uninvited children, we switched to private parties to stop it happening as it’s unfair on the birthday child to have several gatecrashers. I wouldn’t have done the bin thing but would have told the parent the additional uninvited children couldn’t stay.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe Sun 03-Nov-19 13:09:43

Well there is proving a point and proving a point! It all sounds unsavory to me! No one was covered in glory.A yuck bucket??? and Cheeky parents...You are spot on with your analysis of the situation OP.

MoltoAgitato Sun 03-Nov-19 13:09:48

I dislike the “can’t expect children to be disadvantaged because of CF/crap adults” angle. Absolutely yes when talking about big issues - health, education- but there would be a damn sight fewer CFs if their kid missed out on a Club biscuit and was made to feel a bit crap IMO.

And the uninvited children didn’t lose out - they got a free party!

GleamInYourEyes Sun 03-Nov-19 13:10:44

The yuk bin is really odd!

But when I do parties I do food boxes and party bags only for the children who have confirmed they are coming so uninvited siblings would get nothing.

Saddler Sun 03-Nov-19 13:13:08

Morale of the story, don't use a children's party as a babysitter for the rest of the kids

Pieceofpurplesky Sun 03-Nov-19 13:13:57

I have been to parties where there has been a tray for kids to put unwanted food and extra kids have eaten from there. Nobody moaned. I imagine everything in the box was wrapped - so not like a vom bucket of pigswill

Rivergreen Sun 03-Nov-19 13:14:18

Well done that mum!

Calling it vindictive and using sad face emojis because "they probably didn't get any cake either" is ridiculous OP. I dispair of society if we are raising a group of children who can't cope with the idea that sometimes siblings will get something they don't. Be that party invites or cake. At least they weren't left hungry.

pigsDOfly Sun 03-Nov-19 13:15:39

It's a very long time since I've hosted a children's party - youngest is 32 - and never knew anyone try to dump their uninvited children at a party.

I'm afraid I would have turned the extra children away at the door. I've never been great at dealing with confrontation but there's no way I'd just accept being used as an unpaid baby sitter.

bridgetreilly Sun 03-Nov-19 13:16:25

I think the host mother has actually behaved far worse than the CF who left uninvited kids at the party. It's an absolute fundamental rule that adults should be kind to children.

It's not kind to dump your children with no adults who have a responsibility to look after them. The parents who do that are absolutely to blame here.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis Sun 03-Nov-19 13:16:46

IMO She had thought up the "yuck bin" as a way to deal with the leftovers/unwanted Frazzles.

I bet she didn't go round saying "you weren't invited you can only eat scraps". The only way she could feed the uninvited guests was to use the leftover food, improvising in the moment. She could have taken the sign off.

The mother who kicked off is a massive CF should have been ashamed, spoiling another child's party. She hadn't herself provided lunch and had dumped an uninvited child without the courtesy of asking.

It's hard to turn uninvited kids away when they rack up, not because of the little sad faces but because when 18 people turn up at once you can't really tell or deal with issues like that.

And to whichever pp upthread to says this was "bullying" - it isn't. Bullying is systematically, deliberately and repeatedly singling out someone for abuse. Which this was not. Don't bandy the word around.

EssentialHummus Sun 03-Nov-19 13:17:00

It's just not the right way to handle it. Surely if this is a known problem you put "No siblings" on the invite and have someone on the door to reinforce that - you don't take it out on the siblings.

wineisnecessary Sun 03-Nov-19 13:17:25

People must be getting right cf's these days as my youngest is in teens and I don't remember anyone bringing uninvited kids to a party nor did I . I would say I haven't any leftover food for your child especially if it was a few extra , 1 maybe ok but not if they don't even ask .
I agree no one has behaved well and tbh the host is worse because she has anticipated this situation and has come up with a quite a nasty plan . The cf parents are more thoughtless and busy so think wrongly it's ok .

C8H10N4O2 Sun 03-Nov-19 13:17:51

You actually saw this OP or are you relying on second hand accounts?

Either way, it's not a way I'd treat a guest at a party. And when you allow a child to stay, they become a guest

They were not guests, they were not allowed to stay, they were gatecrashers which at most professional events would be removed by security.

Aragog Sun 03-Nov-19 13:18:14

Feeding them the unwanted food - fine
Putting them in the labelled box in this way - unkind

However - even more at fault is all these parents leaving uninvited parents at a party. I think more of the local parents need to make a stand on this. Have someone at the door and only accept the invited child and no one else, and write on the invitation that the party is only for the child named and siblings cannot be accommodated. Bad enough to just take invited siblings to any party, but to actually leave them there and disappear is really rude!

Fortunately this didn't happen at the parties we hosted, or went to, when DD was small. If these was a sibling issue the parents spoke to the hosts, but weren't offended if someone said no.

MsTSwift Sun 03-Nov-19 13:20:39

Like the friend of friend who had a mother ring up because her little precious hadn’t got a party bag her response “that was intentional his behaviour was appalling good day” phone down. She was leaving the school so not bothered by bridges burnt!

tabulahrasa Sun 03-Nov-19 13:21:33

You’d assume though... that the bin was to collect unopened food, to save it being put in the actual bin with leftovers and then because there were uninvited uncatered for children they’ve been offered it as it’s going spare?

Rather than some weird passive aggressive pre-planned way to deal with uninvited children...

WorraLiberty Sun 03-Nov-19 13:22:51

Something else I can't understand is why the leisure centre didn't have a problem with there being more kids at a party, than there should've been confused

Otherwise, why charge by the amount of children and why have limits at all?

And yes to Awwlookatmybabyspider who said it's a safeguarding issue. People need to know how many kids are actually there.

C8H10N4O2 Sun 03-Nov-19 13:23:58

People must be getting right cf's these days as my youngest is in teens and I don't remember anyone bringing uninvited kids to a party nor did I

Yes I agree. I don't recall it when mine were little and I don't hear about it from amongst my DCs' friends or the DGC generation. Perhaps its just this one small community which is the oddity.

Aragog Sun 03-Nov-19 13:24:46

I think a better way to address it would have been to ask the uninvited children to share with their invited sibling. Or at the very least just put the unwanted food items on a tray or platter, rather than a labelled box. If the child wanted cake or sweets, and there were none of the platter, then they share their siblings or do without. They parents can always buy them a sweet treat when they deign to collect them.

I used to do individual food boxes, but would only make one or two food items spare, not extra boxes. Why would I make extra food which could get wasted??

GrimalkinsCrone Sun 03-Nov-19 13:25:25

My children are a bit younger than yours PigsDOfly and I agree that 15/20 years ago, this was never an issue at any party I either hosted or attended. When did it become a thing that gatecrashers were sympathised with, catered for and people worried about them not having cake? Or parents thought the invitation covered a family?
I’d have turned them away, and if that wasn’t ok, they’d have to remove the invited child as well.

Durgasarrow Sun 03-Nov-19 13:26:08

I think it's meanspirited and brilliant. No one is going to do this bullshit to her again.

V1daw1inter Sun 03-Nov-19 13:26:14

I think the mum hosting did nothing wrong. I’ve done those boxes to avoid waste. Only ever made the amount who were invited.

If you turn up anywhere uninvited you need to accept that you probably won’t be catered for.

I certainly wouldn’t be paying for extra food we didn’t need for people not invited. That is so entitled to expect that.

Aragog Sun 03-Nov-19 13:26:18

Otherwise, why charge by the amount of children and why have limits at all?

Round here those kind of venues often charged up to a maximum number rather than by headcount.

WorraLiberty Sun 03-Nov-19 13:29:43

Round here those kind of venues often charged up to a maximum number rather than by headcount.

Yes, so let's say the maximum number has been reached.

The OP said there were 'several' uninvited siblings there.

Part of me wonders if she was the sort to just agree and then get annoyed later.

I find it difficult to believe she didn't spot several random children being dumped and that she had no way of contacting their parents.

Pasithea Sun 03-Nov-19 13:30:43


V1daw1inter Sun 03-Nov-19 13:31:05

At the end of the day it is the rude mother’s fault. She should have appreciated that there was a big risk her child would go hungry or have left overs. Not fair to put him/her in that position. Mortifying.

SpagBowl99 Sun 03-Nov-19 13:31:16

1. The children were not invited (Their parents were rude to leave them there).
2. The children probably had a nice time at the party and ate something

Why is anyone worrying about this?

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