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to expect my mum to have boundries for my dd when she visits there

(9 Posts)
mummytoamonkey Fri 17-Aug-07 15:16:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NineUnlikelyTales Fri 17-Aug-07 15:29:23

If you think it is definitely the way she is being treated at your mum's house that causes this behaviour then you have three options as I see it:

1) Speak to your mum about the impact these weekends have on your DD behaviour generally and ask her to modify her own actions somewhat
2) Stop the visits or reduce their frequency
3) Speak to your DD about how grandmas and mums have different rules in their houses and how going to grandmas once a month means that she can have more treats and do things differently for a short while, but that they have to be the same as usual at home

Maybe an approach including all three?

squiffy Fri 17-Aug-07 15:45:54

I'd concentrate on option no 3, and make sure that your own boundaries are watertight... my DS gets spoiled rotten by my mum & dad but he knows that I will just laugh if he asks me for chocolates/crisps/sweeties and so on, so he just doesn't bother (he is nearly 4).

Even though the thought of some of the stuff he eats when he is there makes me shudder, I think it is really healthy that children get treated differently by different groups of people - I think what your mum is doing will give her a good grounding for appreciating that people are different and learning how to adjust her actions to suit (or alternatively, she'll become a dab hand at manipulation )

I'd just get through this awkward stage with gritted teeth and lots of reminders to self that a mum who will let you have a break once in a while is like golddust and needs proper worshipping. Criticising, or setting our rules to your mum either won't actually change what your mum does and will just make her feel guilty about it, or else she might constantly fret about whther she's doing things 'right' or 'wrong' according to your rules. It might even lead to a showdown on the line sof "I go out of my way to be involved and give her a break and this is the thanks I get" ... not worth the trouble IMO.

mummytoamonkey Fri 17-Aug-07 15:46:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squiffy Fri 17-Aug-07 15:47:19

....mind you, I wasn't feeling quite so charitable a few nights ago when DS didn't get to sleep until 10.45pm, on account of my mum letting him have a lunchtime nap....

NineUnlikelyTales Fri 17-Aug-07 16:47:33

I think your mum is setting herself up for some very difficult behaviour later on! No rules, ha

HonoriaGlossop Fri 17-Aug-07 17:03:46

I think you need to show your mum just how difficult she's making it for you. Say to her that you'll have to make the visits once every two months from now on so that you've got time to address her behaviour in between and get her back into good habits.

NO rules is just silly. And not doing your dd any favours at all.

mummytoamonkey Sat 18-Aug-07 11:51:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PippiLangstrump Sat 18-Aug-07 12:04:36

I agree that rules should be relaxed at granparents places. once because it is beneficial for everyone to have a break now and again - even little kids. twice because other people do things in different ways and it will be impossible to make them be a copy of ourselves and not healthy either.

Havinf said all that I said RELAXED RULES, not NO RULES which IMO will just create disasters.

DD gets away with murder at both her nannies, in terms of food and bossiness and pressies but that's what they are there for and I wish I had them when I was her age. There are certain things though that stays the same everywhere - politness (sp?), manner, dangerous situation, unreasonable behaviour.

A trip to nanna should be a pleasure for all aprties involved: you because you get a break, nanna because she gets to enjoy her princess and the princess because she gets treated like one. It should not in any way make the rest of your week a hell though!

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