AIBU to just let her be? (DD6 night routine related).(213 Posts)
OK deep breath..
AIBU to change DD’s bedtime routine, or should I just leave her be?
Although she’s hit all of her developmental milestones she still goes to bed with a dummy and a Pull-up.
DD is just about to turn 6. She’s happy, confident, has plenty of friends at school and is in the top groups for phonics. She’s also tall, sporty and Neuro-typical. No developmental/behavioural issues that we’re aware of. She’s very well behaved and sleeps soundly.
She’s grown up so quickly it just sort of crept up on us that she’s nearly 6 and still using them.
I abroached the subject with her gently (not wishing to create any traumas by just going cold turkey) and she told me she wants to keep them as they help her to sleep and keep her cozy.
Conflicting advice from parents (cold turkey) and best friend (leave her be).
I’d probably start to try to ease her off of both maybe using a rewards system, so I wouldn’t force her to go the night without either, but if she could manage it then I’d maybe mark it on a chart that we made together and after x amounts of nights there’d be a reward that I knew she really wanted, like a trip somewhere she really wanted to go. That way it wouldn’t be traumatic for her like cold turkey would be, but she might be keen to do it and so hopefully you’d see some success quite quickly?
I would tackle then at separate times. Maybe suggest that Father Christmas will leave her a special extra present if she swaps her dummy for it. We did this with our DS although in his case it was fairies taking it for little babies who need it and leaving him a toy instead (couldn’t wait until Christmas)
Is it affecting her teeth? If not who cares?
When do you need her out of pull ups. For me it was the Yr 3 school trip.
I'm with your friend. She's happy and not stressed - why introduce it.
I don't think it would be at all unreasonable to change her routine - in fact it would be unreasonable not to. Has the dentist not flagged up the dummy issue? The dummy is definitely not age appropriate. As for the pull ups, NHS guidelines say not to seek help until after 7, so although on the late side of night time toilet training, not at all uncommon.
Good luck. Although it may seem a big thing, the transition to it being a thing of the past is quite quick.
You really do need to tackle the dummy. She's far too old for that now, and there's a real risk it will affect her teeth.
The pull up, however, is bit something to worry about just yet. Does she have good runs of dry nights or is she wet every morning? F she's often dry and it's more of a comfort thing then yes do address it. If she's still wetting consistently, give it more time. As the above poster said, you sung really need to worry about it until she's around 7, so you've over a year fir things to improve on their own.
I'd deal with the dummy issue first. Post it to Santa maybe? Or I know there are a few fairy trails near myself that have a 'dummy' tree!
In terms of the pull up. Kids being dry it night is actually a hormonal thing.
I'm pretty laid back with letting things stay with children if it gives them comfort but at 6 I would tackle the dummy. I know they are different ages but we did the dummy fairy book with DD when she turned 3. She was really attached to it and had never slept without it but was obsessed with the book and gave the dummy up no fight or tears in 1 night.
I'd probably look at the pull ups in 6 months.
I’d definitely take the dummy off of her ( and I say that as a mum if a child with SN who had a dummy til he was 7) because there’s a good chance it’s not doing her teeth any good and if she’s NT then she can understand the reason you’re taking it off her now. Just go cold turkey she will be fine.
The pull ups are a judgement call completely though. If you think she can be reliably dry at night then definitely go without but if you don’t think she’s ready I wouldn’t worry too much.
I’d certainly tackle the dummy.
If she’s not dry at night then is there any point taking away the pull ups? I don’t imagine she’s weeing in them on purpose?
I took pull ups away when from mine then they both had dry nappies consistently every night for a week. Didn’t do any ‘training’ or anything. Both were under 3 when they were dry at night but my nearly 6 year old has friends who are still in pull ups at night.
I wouldn't push it. She won't be using them when she's 37.
FWIW I was told that the dummy/teeth thing is a myth by my dentist when DD1 was still using one at 4yrs 2m when she started school. She was also still in a pull-up at night. She phased the pull-up out over the first year at school with only a gentle amount of chat from me and DH about being “a big girl” but the dummies we did send off to Father Christmas that year.
Fine to use pull ups overnight if she is still needing them (not dry overnight) but if she doesn’t really need them it’s just a massive waste surely?
With the dummy I would personally do the dummy fairy / send it to a baby who doesn’t have a dummy / send it to Father Christmas , and explore different ways of relaxing and getting sleepy with her.
If she doesn't need the pull ups, say to her to try without.
Keep the dummy. Some kids have blankets, some kids have teddies, some kids have dummies.
The dummy thing is not a myth! It completely changes the shape of the palate and the look of the teeth. I’d get rid of that first.
Thank you all for your responses.
I can see that my parents and friend were at the extreme ends of the views on this and there are a variety of views in between!
EleanorShellstrop100 I love your idea of the reward chart. That might get her motivated as she loves things like that and then I will also not be forcing the issue.
Don’t get me wrong- there are times when I do have to put my foot down and say “no” to DD (she’s an only child) but I wouldn’t want to do this if it’s going to mess up her sleep and confidence.
On the teeth issue, her dentist has never asked about dummies and her teeth are fine. She doesn’t have it in the day. She has had a couple of wobbly teeth out recently. Can dummies affect the growth of grown-up teeth?
On the Pull-ups issue, they are wet about four mornings a week on average. Usually the same mornings each week too.
It’s nearly always the mornings after she’s been out at Rainbows and an after school club, and at weekends when she sleeps in longer. I guess it’s because she’s tired herself out and doesn’t wake up.
Soydora, I doubt any child would be weeing themself on purpose but I might just ask her in case this is happening and she’s got the wrong idea.
There can be weeks when she’s wet nearly every night too, or as few as one or two nights in a week, but four is the average.
Given the range of opinions here (all of which are valid, of course , I’m going to take a middle of the road course and try a sticker chart for nights without.
One sticker for doing without the Pull-up or dummy, two for both.
Small toy of her choice if she gets to 20 sound reasonable?
Wish me luck!
I would work on the pull ups, just because it is good to know if this is an issue of 'laziness' (meaning a habit she has learned) or if there are some deeper issues at play. Completely understand that some children are not dry at night until much older, and if you have to put her back in pull ups after 3-6 months, at least you know what you are facing and can speak to the GP about it.
I would take her out to buy her some special new pyjamas and knickers. Maybe with a character she loves on it so she can be excited to wear them at night. This can help her mentally with the transition that she isn't in nappies at night anymore.
As for the dummies, I agree do this at a later stage. Plus when the sleepover stage starts in few years, I bet she will start leaving it.
Re: dummy I agree with PP, this needs to go.
My DD is 6.5 and is only out of pull ups in the past couple of months. I wouldn't be unduly concerned at that yet. Although I did find that without them she would wet far less, probably something about the subconscious knowing that there was no protection any more.
Ah. She still wets overnight.
I’d give it a go with puppy pad things to be sure she’s not wetting out of laziness, but if she’s not ready she’s not ready. On the dummy side I can’t help.
I had two boys who weren’t dry overnight till almost 7, we periodically would try them with no pull up. One of them wasn’t bothered; the other was embarrassed and refused them after a while so sheets/plastic sheets/puppy pads were layered for easy midnight bed stripping. Other child was dry at 3 - go figure!
One thing that helped for us btw was not to restrict liquids but to restrict red liquids - no ribena or summer fruits after 5pm.
Pick one. Pick the dummy. Overnight dryness can't be taught. Christmas is a good time to drop the dummy as she can leave it for Santa to take to a baby who won't get any presents.
If she isnt dry at night you are going to have a lot of disrupted night and washing if you remove the nappy. My son was dry at night by 2.5 years but this was pure luck and down to hormone production. As for the dummy - she really doesn't need it at 6. We went cold Turkey with our son at 2. He never asked for it again x
I would tackle dummy and let her pick out something else that might comfort her but not affect her teeth etc. Novelty and praise will help. After that is sorted you could maybe try lifting her for a second pee on extra activity days and heaping on praise when she's dry (though not making a fuss when she isn't)
Re pull ups: are you sure she isn't just doing a wee first thing in the morning? I found putting a potty in my kids' room (top top floor, so far from the bathroom) did the trick. Turns out they were dry all night and just having a wee while they waited for their groclock to change colour!
Great advice here so I’ll just agree with PP who mentioned layering sheets if you are going to try without the pull ups. We used full plastic sheets layered with normal fitted sheets. If they do we in the night then it’s very easy to just strip the first layers off and have a nice clean bed underneath.
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