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To feel differently about R.Kelly after finding out he was sexually abused?

(81 Posts)
TwistedBirkenstockBlister Mon 28-Oct-19 16:10:42

I am not defending him AT ALL. However I saw the first documentary and thought 'what an absolute creep' but when I saw the second Netflix documentary I felt disgusted at his actions but after hearing that he was molested from 7 until 12, I saw more of a full picture. Sexual abuse destroys people, and there are a lot of different outcomes. With men, I think you see a lot of that cycle of abuse repeating itself. Women self harm, men harm others.

LittleAndOften Mon 28-Oct-19 16:13:15

Nope. If you use that argument you can excuse anything.

MissBax Mon 28-Oct-19 16:14:02


Alicia9999 Mon 28-Oct-19 16:15:55

YABU, it's sad but no excuse.

Hedgehogblues Mon 28-Oct-19 16:16:13

YABU he could still have chosen not to hurt anyone else

Venger Mon 28-Oct-19 16:18:23

While its awful that he was abused and more should have been done to help him, it's no excuse. Many people are abused and manage to not become abusers themselves, there is still a choice of whether to go down that path and if you do find yourself going down it then there are therapies and interventions - all of which he would have been able to access given his financial privilege.

Happityhap Mon 28-Oct-19 16:18:40

He's an adult now.

GruciusMalfoy Mon 28-Oct-19 16:19:56

It's awful he went through that, but it doesnt make me feel any differently about him. He has (allegedly I suppose) ruined lives of many, many girls.

Ponoka7 Mon 28-Oct-19 16:20:05

"Women self harm, men harm others."

I think men have been given that get out of jail free card, for too long.

TowelNumber42 Mon 28-Oct-19 16:21:19

YABU. His experience meant he knew how damaging it would be. It makes it worse in my opinion.

PositiveVibez Mon 28-Oct-19 16:22:12

It is appalling that happened to him, but no. It does not excuse his peadophillic and controlling, coercive, abusive behaviour towards a lot of women.

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange Mon 28-Oct-19 16:22:13

If "the abused becomes the abuser" were true, then the majority of adult sexual abusers would be female.

BobTheZombie Mon 28-Oct-19 16:25:29

You are defending him though. Your post appears to be saying his past excuses his adult behaviour which it does not. YANBU to feel sorrow for the child he was. YABU to feel differently about the adult he has become.

BobTheZombie Mon 28-Oct-19 16:28:13

Sorry - hadn't finished. I have been the adult victim of a male abuser who was himself abused in childhood. When people want to discuss his past and how it may have affected his actions towards me, frankly it feels like a kick in the face, like he is being excused. And I was an adult, I imagine that that feeling would be massively amplified if I'd been a child.

PrincessScarlett Mon 28-Oct-19 16:28:44

R Kelly is trying to mitigate what he has done. Many offenders claim they were abused as a child but it shouldn't mean their crimes are any less of a crime.

Gingernaut Mon 28-Oct-19 16:29:14


He was in a position to seek the very best of help and he decided no to.

Slave2theGrind Mon 28-Oct-19 16:30:26

There's a massive difference in being an adult and fully aware of what is right or wrong!

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 28-Oct-19 16:32:33

RKelly has been abusing girls and women on a massive scale for a really long time. I knew about it in the 90s. The documentary you watched sounds like Psychopath Continues To Be A Psychopathic Abuser.🤷‍♀️

TwistedBirkenstockBlister Mon 28-Oct-19 16:32:41

I didn't want any of my post to come across as excusing, maybe I didn't put it quite right. It gave me a different angle on what he did. As this documentary goes on I feel less and less of that empathy that I had towards abused 'Robert' and absolute hatred towards R. Jelly, the abuser.

CuriousaboutSamphire Mon 28-Oct-19 16:35:44

I see what you mean.

It is possible to feel sympathy and shock for the child he was when being abused whilst still feeling his adult behaviour is utterly abhorrent.

Idontwanttotalk Mon 28-Oct-19 16:36:04

I understand where you are coming from but it's a difficult one. I haven't see the documentary as I can't bear the subject because I have wider family members who were victims of sexual abuse...and one of them self-harmed.

Part of me believes that an abused child, as they grow up, still has personal responsibility and can decide never to inflict the vile abuse they suffered on others buy maybe some children are so damaged and angry that they inflict it on others as a way of being in control. I don't know. I just think it's an horrific crime which destroys people's lives.

SanFranBear Mon 28-Oct-19 16:37:31

YAB horribly U.. do you think any of his victims have gone on to abuse? Or, as was evidenced at the end of Surviving R Kelly, have most used their experience to help others recover from the same trauma..

He is a paedophile and a text book domestic abuser who, whilst deserving of sympathy for his past, should finally be made to face justice. He has got away with this his entire life - No More!

wheresmymojo Mon 28-Oct-19 16:43:38

I can feel sad for the child that he once was who was being abused.

However I don't believe that gives any justification or explanation for being an abuser as an adult.

As an adult he has chosen to put other people through pain he himself has experienced. He could have made other choices like many others who have been abused make every day.

It's sad that he went through the pain of abuse but he has chosen to be the kind of character that takes that pain out on other people rather than dealing with it (which he had every resource available to him to do given his wealth).

BlueEyedBengal Mon 28-Oct-19 16:52:02

Y a b r u op and I say that as this man has no excuse that he was abused therefore he abuses. This man or so called man is a predator and took advantage on poor mouldable impressionable immature youngsters. He wasn't man enough to try it on anyone strong, he sensed weakness and took over them like some cult leader. Taking all their free will off them making them rely on him and removed any family from their lives. He's a dirty rotten women hater nothing more nothing less. angry

SlideyFuckers Mon 28-Oct-19 16:52:29

My brother and I were both sexually abused by our stepfather. Neither of us abuses ours or anyone elses kids.

Stop making excuses for him.

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