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to expect mother-in-law to baby sit when...

(51 Posts)
casbie Thu 16-Aug-07 10:05:20

she has bought cinema tickets for my birthday, for me and my hubby?

she just phoned today (tickets are for sat) to say that they are going away on sat and sun and what would hubby like for his birthday? oh, and we can babysit on his birthday!

feel a little like i've been kicked in the teeth.

got till sat to find a babysitter now and feeling quite cross with his parents!

NadineBaggott Thu 16-Aug-07 10:07:16


good grief!

flowerybeanbag Thu 16-Aug-07 10:11:42

Erm, yes YABU!
So she has bought you a treat for your birthday, isn't that lovely of her? Why would you just assume she would babysit and then be cross when she isn't, and why is babysitting for you more important than them having a trip away? Unless she did actually commit to babysitting on that particular day I can't see anything she has done wrong.


GreebosWhiskers Thu 16-Aug-07 10:12:38

Actually I think YANBU - it's not always easy to find a babysitter (especially at short notice). It was nice of mil to buy you the tickets but if you & hubby are going who does she think is going to watch the kids? 'twould have been sensible to include babysitting in the pressie or buy you a voucher for tickets so you can choose when you go & can arrange a sitter accordingly.

MaloryTowersHasManners Thu 16-Aug-07 10:13:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplemonkeydishwasher Thu 16-Aug-07 10:14:33

It seems like it would be a great oppurtunity for her to spend some time with her grandkids.

flowerybeanbag Thu 16-Aug-07 10:16:23

But she is going away for the weekend!

<astonished at people who think grandparents should be on call for free babysitting duties rather than getting on with their own life>

sparklesandwine Thu 16-Aug-07 10:19:08

unless her babysitting was included as part of your pressie then you shouldn't assume that she would babysit and should have made other arrangements so i would therefore say YABU

....but if she said that she would babysit then let you down then YANBU....

i think we'd need to know prior agreeement before we can have her hung drawn and quartered

casbie Thu 16-Aug-07 10:26:01

i'd just assumed because she picked the day, bought two tickets and said ' i hope you have a nice time', that she would.

we have three children and thought they would like it too, spending time with their gran and grandpa.

if she had bought the tickets for the friday, she would have been able to look after them then.

this is part of a call asking me, what paul would like for his birthday and would we like her to look after the kids then.

tactless beyond belief!

daisythedog Thu 16-Aug-07 10:26:54

while i don't think your MIL is obligated to babysit for you the phone call does sound a bit passive-agressive to me.

are your parents able to babysit on your birthday?

fleacircus Thu 16-Aug-07 10:31:26

It wouldn't cross my mind to 'assume' anyone was going to babysit for me just because they'd bought me tickets for a night out.

It's generous of her to offer to babysit on your DH's birthday; I'd be tempted to tell her that that's enough of a present rather than expecting her to buy a gift as well.

DP and I are adults, we've chosen to have a child, we didn't do it as a favour to our parents and I don't see that it entitles us to any favours from them.

twentypence Thu 16-Aug-07 10:31:39

YABU to expect her to baby sit, got her own life, not explicitly offered etc. etc. it's all been said.

However if you had called the thread "to think this is a crap present because the baby sitting will cost more than the present?" I think YANBU.

GreebosWhiskers Thu 16-Aug-07 10:34:09

Thing is tho' if the OP can't get a babysitter for that specific night then the tickets will go to waste & then she won't have had a present at all. Why couldn't mil have got vouchers for tickets so OP could choose when to go rather than deciding on the date for her? Bit strange IMO.

casbie Thu 16-Aug-07 10:34:58


my family live over 200 miles away.

they never offer to look after the children and if we do ask it has to be at least 6 weeks in advance, otherwise no deal. even if it's something as simple as a monthly meeting or dinner with friends (easily cancellable).

and for those remarks about me expecting gran parents to be onn call - i'm not. i'm not expecting them to do childcare 8-6 every day during the summer holidays, but as part of a 'treat' offered by them!

HappyDaddy Thu 16-Aug-07 10:36:34

She's bought tickets for you two and you expect her to babysit, too? The money you save could be used on a babysitter, surely?

NotADragonOfSoup Thu 16-Aug-07 10:37:29

The treat was the tickets. Babysitting was never part of the offer.

flowerybeanbag Thu 16-Aug-07 10:37:57

Is it possible she didn't want to babysit on thus occasion and so bought the tickets for the Saturday when she was away rather than the Friday when she is not to avoid having to actually say no?
If she's going away Saturday she may not want to be babysitting on the Friday night.

flowerybeanbag Thu 16-Aug-07 10:38:40

this occasion.

ProfYaffle Thu 16-Aug-07 10:39:23

I think it's odd for your mil to buy you tickets for a night out when she knew she couldn't babysit without at least talking to you about a convenient date and whether you could get an alternative babysitter. V odd to impose a date on you imho.

daisythedog Thu 16-Aug-07 10:41:23

Given those circumstances, I do think it is very insensitive of your MIL.

I can relate. My family is far away too, and my IL never offer to help me out, even though they know it's impossible for my parents to do so.

lemonaid Thu 16-Aug-07 10:42:49

You shouldn't expect her to babysit.

But buying people with small children tickets for one particular screening of a movie on one particular day is a fairly weird present, IMO, unless you are also throwing in babysitting (given that you could buy cinema vouchers to be used at a time of the recipient's choice).

So I can see how you came to assume that she was giving you a nice present (including babysitting). You should have clarified at the time, though.

casbie Thu 16-Aug-07 10:43:49

it's not about money, it's about offering their time.

i'm upset, because i thought they would be doing me a favour and they're not.

by the way, we didn't know they were going away till this phone call and usually we get told when/where and full printed itinery!!!! so yes, you could call it a surprise!

SueW Thu 16-Aug-07 10:44:53

I'd switch the tickets to DH's birthday evening. Babysitting can be his birthday pressie; tickets yours.

NadineBaggott Thu 16-Aug-07 10:47:26

I think you should stop stamping your feet!

Are they your ONLY babysitters?

morningpaper Thu 16-Aug-07 10:47:55

I have two awful sleepers and no one to babysit - but you have two tickets, so why not leave hubby at home and take a friend instead?

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