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AIBU?

AIBU to ignore 'D'Sis

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SleeplessInSwords · 24/10/2019 04:50

NC for this one as I don't want her finding my other posts.
Irish family. We all scattered a few years ago but we've always gone back for Xmas/Easter and stay in touch.
I've been in Greece the past couple of years. When I came back, I was pregnant and trying to find a house to rent which in Dublin area is like hen's teeth with no references/job.
DSis1 invited me to visit when I got back. After I'd made the long, expensive journey to see her, she text me the day of the visit to say she couldn't see me as she had gone bowling with a friend. I went to visit a couple of my own friends over there, and hightailed it back to Dublin to keep looking for houses in my price range, feeling quite a bit miffed.
The next thing I knew, she invited herself to my (nonexistent) home for two weeks so we could have a "girly trip" in Dublin. She thinks everything is an appointment and she invited herself right before my due date, even telling me "but you said you weren't due until [date]" when I turned her down (I felt terrible about it). She immediately said she had some holiday in September and would come then instead. I felt like she was being a bit of a CF inviting herself over, but she's my sister so I said "great, let me know what date you decide". She never replied. The message definitely sent.
That week I settled on a house out in Louth (a bit rural) where I don't get much phone coverage for calls but I always get texts eventually.
The next thing I know, DM was texting me asking why I'd told DSis1 she couldn't visit, then suggesting I invite her asap, and saying DSis1 could help me and DH with the new baby (DSis1 is childless and I've seen her being pretty careless with DSis2's baby at Easter/Christmas, but she's the sort to tell people how to parent even though she doesn't know what she's talking about).
So DSis1 blatantly went to DM and basically said I wouldn't let her visit when really I'd told her that her suggestion of September was fine and all she had to do was tell me when she was coming, then show up. I know I'm being cynical, but I feel like she's less inclined now my house isn't close enough to the centre of Dublin for her to use as a free hotel. She has no interest in the baby who is my world.
Yesterday, she sent me a text saying "I have decided I'm at a point in life where textings too childish for me, which day this week can you call?"
I thought, what on Earth?! Such a strange text to get out of the blue and I didn't know how to answer it. I worried very late last night and lost sleep as I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to foot the bill for a long international rate call and my baby is very ill with an ongoing condition, so I don't have the time or energy to faff around driving somewhere with a phone signal. Anyway, why should I, when she's first gone bowling after I made a special trip to see her (at her request) and then she's gone and told DM some lies about me? She has form for stirring but usually she leaves a grain of truth in it.
So her next text, today, was, "I am here when you're ready to talk" and I just don't know what on Earth she's on about, it sounds like she thinks I have something I need to get off my chest. DSis1 oscillates between being super friendly and stabbing me in the back or spreading exaggerations about me to make me look bad to DM and DSis2, and I usually try really hard to accommodate her because she's my sister but since DD was born I just can't bring myself to go along with the nonsense. She didn't even congratulate me or send a card or anything.
I'm dreading the comeback from DM when DSis tells her the next load of nonsense. AIBU to just ignore DSis/only give her the bare minimum reply so she can't tell DM I'm not replying? I currently have nothing nice to say to her and don't want to start an argument as she'd love that.

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surlycurly · 24/10/2019 05:05

Just message her back and say that a call is really difficult because if the baby just now and you want to give her your full attention so until the baby is better the call will have to go on hold. In the interim you're happy to text as you don't think it's childish, just practical. Don't invite her to stay. Use the baby as an excuse. Tell you mother why you're not inviting her and ask her to respect your decision, stating that you're sure she remembers what it was like to be a young mum and how you need to do the right thing for your LO and not your DS. How she'll obviously agree with that because it's the only reasonable thing to do at the moment. Also tell her that you all need to establish some healthy boundaries moving forwards. If she tries to put you into your place and treat you like you're five, remind her again that although you love her, you're not a child. She sounds like she's coming out to bat for your sister when she's being unreasonable and getting mixed up in all of this by pulling rank as the maw. You need to push these people back a bit and make some decisions that are best for you just now. Not be dominated by two women who don't have your best interests at heart.