AIBU to remove DD from nursery?

[Midlandsmummy29]

My 3 year old DD started nursery attached to the local primary school. She’ll have two years there before starting school.

We’ve not had a great first impression. She doesn’t have a key worker as they are understaffed. On collecting her after her first day we were buzzed into the building but not one member of staff spoke to us. We wandered the room and couldn’t find her, told a member of staff and she muttered “she’ll be in here somewhere” whilst typing on her laptop keeping her eyes fixed to the screen. We could have been anyone, it didn’t feel very security conscious. After finding DD, we asked staff for feedback on her first day, the response was “yeah fine”- no other info, it was as if we were an inconvenience for asking.

I’m not expecting a detailed account but a quick indication of if she’d settled okay, had she eaten, played etc, but we got nothing. It’s not been much better on other days when collecting her- I asked if there was a handover process and was told no, I can ask questions on collection but they won’t give me any information unless I ask but they have parents evening once per year so can give me feedback then?!

The sessions last 5 hours and I was informed that apart from 20 minutes in a group, the rest is free play. The kids just seem to be wandering about lost.

The place doesn’t look very clean. They told me today that they thought DD had an allergic reaction but turned out her face was covered in berries- why not help clean it off? I know they are encouraging independence but why leave a child with a face so dirty they thought it was an allergic reaction?

To top it off, she’s been up half the night being sick.

We’re not new to nursery, DD attended one since 10 months old. We moved her here as it’s attached to the school she’ll be attending but she could do pre school at her old one. DH wants to remove her, I feel like we should give it a few weeks but this first impression has made me uncomfortable. WWYD?

[Daffodil2018]

I'd pull her out. Gut instinct is usually right in my opinion.

[ParkLife123]

It does sound concerning. I’d be most worried about it not being very secure. No real structure to their day too. At pre-school, especially one attached to the school, you’d expect them to be doing things to prepare them for school life. And even though reception year is a whole lot of playing, letting children just aimlessly wander around for almost five hours wouldn’t impress me. None of mine went to the pre-school attached to the school and did just fine. Do consider moving her back to her old nursery if you see these red flags continuing for another week.

[Italiangreyhound]

I'd move her.

How long did it take them go work out the berry juice wasn't an allergic reaction?!

[Elllicam]

I’d pull her out. We had a similar experience with my oldest son, big chaotic nursery, no key worker available. We toughed it out until one day we turned up to find him sitting alone in the corridor with everyone else outside, two locked doors away. They had forgotten him.

[Vampyress]

I wouldn't accept that, there should be a handover process where they say what your child had been doing that day, what they have eaten. They should be keeping a log book of naps, foods eaten, nappies changed including content of said nappies. They should also be engaging the children in sensory play and monitored independent play. I have had my children in 2 different nurseries and they both followed the same policies and certainly weren't high end nurseries either. However my boys nursery isn't attached to a school so that might be the difference, based on posts I have read here and stories from friends I think I will keep my sons in nursery until they start school at 4.

[Midlandsmummy29]

My main concern is about her missing out on friendships forming with local children. But my DH pointed out that she’s only 3, she’ll easily form friendships when she’s at primary school.

I know that there’s a settling process, but her previous nursery supported both her and us during this, I feel like with this one there’s nothing.

[NakedAndAfraid]

What is DD and DH?

[Theresnobslikeshowbs]

Your DH is right, you need to remove DD and put her back in her old one. Mine had structure to their day at their age.

[kateandme]

thats sooooo many nos from me op.that isnt just a few niggles.there are so many red flags of lack of care and safety and security and structure!if i was in your shoes and had any other option my dd would be straight out of there now...plus your writing on here that tells me you gut is going,and you should trust it.
plus if her face looked so bad that it was the tain of coloured brries and they thoguht this was an allergic reaction this is at anaphylactic stage.

[BrutusMcDogface]

Elli- I hope you reported that to ofsted? It’s appalling!!

Op- take her out! It sounds awful!

[SeaToSki]

They thought she might be having an allergic reaction, and they didnt have her one on one with a first aid trained staffer, hadnt given antihistamines, called you or started to look at what she had eaten in case it progressed and she needed to go to hospital. I hate to think what would happen if she did have an allergic reaction, or an accident.

If you have a choice, vote with your feet and walk out the door.

[yoursworried]

Take her out, there are loads of nurseries and pre schools and this one sounds crap. She has plenty of time to make friends once she gets to school

[HappyAtWork]

That sounds terrible.

How many children are there? And staff? Do you know the main teacher who runs it?

[TulipCat]

Another concern I would have is that if this is the nursery of the primary school you intend to send your daughter to, what is the rest of the school like? If the nursery is badly run, what about Reception?

[MyOtherProfile]

If it's a school nursery I would make an appointment to see the head of the school and express your concerns. Then if things persist I would move. Friendships will be formed in reception anyway and your DC won't be the only one not coming from the school nursery.

Some things are not a problem - I ran a school nursery for a while and we didn't run a key worker system because of the ratios. There was only 2 of us to 26 children, with some extra TA support sometimes. Magically, if you have a qualified teacher in the room you only need 1 to 13.

The rest of it is pretty concerning!

[lottelupin]

That free play rubbish is an excuse just to let the kids mill around with no direction. It can be v distressing as there are all sorts of Lord of the Flies situations and my son had an awful time in a nursery like that. Same problem with the feedback, etc. I would take her out ASAP. Would any of us want to be little and locked in there for hours on end? I doubt it.

[LeftoverPizza]

Definitely take her out it sounds awful!. Can you report it to the school?

[MyOtherProfile]

Free play isn't necessarily rubbish so long as you have a good setting and staff who move around and engage with the children.

[VashtaNerada]

Yes, ‘free play’ can mean lots of different things. How different does the room look each day? If there are a range of targeted activities which change daily and support learning across the EYFS, that’s exactly what should be happening. If it’s just a bunch of toys with little thought behind them that’s very different. I would ask for a meeting with the head of Early Years to discuss the settling process and their approach to learning in general. And if it still seems off, leave (& have a serious think if this is the right school for your child when they’re older).

[Canyousewcushions]

We found that handover was far more perfunctory at school nursery than at private ones- that was a bit if a shock at first. The staff are happy to talk about the kids if there is something that needs to be discussed though.

Some of the stuff in your post is more concerning though....

We found that meeting the school cohort in nursery was really good for settling at school but I've got a quiet and reserved child who benefited from knowing others. Child 2 is a different kettle of fish and she'd be fine regardless- any benefits depend so much on the characters involved!!

[Hellofromtheotherside2020]

Trust your instincts mama.
I had a childminder once and has this instinct things weren't right. Everyone in the community loved her tho and told me I was being unreasonable.
My son just hated going!
One day, finished work early. Her front door was open, she lived on main road. One small child was on the stairs (she didn't believe in stair gates)! My child was in a high chair (he was 1) totally unattended with a poo nappy and no food. God knows how long he'd been there.
Childminder was sat on sofa talking to friend while eating cake.

Reported her to Ofstead. They told her my name despite being "confidential" to report. They investigated and turned out her husband's friend who was always there had previously indecently done something with a child, time served and hadn't been vetted to be allowed to be around children. Thankfully (I believe) he was never alone with any. Ofstead dropped round to hers unannounced and saw the baby gates she put up for inspections were absent. The front door to main road again was unlocked and easily accessible to toddlers. (by the way, I'd immediately removed son from her care when I made my initial discovery).

Anyhow, her other clients were more concerned about not having child care and the inconvenience rather than the fact their kids may have gotten harmed! As Ofstead outed me, they formed a massive witch hunt against me. Childminder told community I had only reported her because I owed her money - so untrue! I always paid on time with cash, and always rounded it up!!!

So trust your instinct and get her out. Just exercise caution when reporting to Ofstead tho... Some parents have misplaced priorities.

[3luckystars]

Take her out and dont look back.

Dont try reasoning it out, if it doesn't feel right then it's not right. Good luck.

[angelwinter]

Take her out. When my children were at nursery I always worried about safety even though it was very secure and only a small group. If I'd witnessed what you have so far my child would be out of there.

I would probably also report the concerns you have. It's quite worrying!

[Justgivemesomepeace]

School nurseries are quite different from private ones in terms of staff ratios. They dont have keyworkers, or a chat at the end of the day with each parent to talk about each child, what theyve eaten etc. My sons had 1 teacher and maybe 2 support staff between 20 children.
The rest of it sounds terrible though. I would be raising concerns and removing my child.

[PapayaCoconut]

I'd pull her out asap based on what you said.