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ExH wants child benefit included

(68 Posts)
mathsmad1 Tue 22-Oct-19 23:10:27

In the total sum of incomings to decide maintenance for once and do all. I said no. He's going bananas . Aibu ?I also receive benefits for childwith asd and he wants that included to . I feel guilty saying no. AIBU . Children will be with me 80+% of the time.we are hoping to avoid solicitors etc at the moment thanks

mathsmad1 Tue 22-Oct-19 23:11:37

We both earn the same salary .

MaybeNew Tue 22-Oct-19 23:13:20

Go to a solicitor. It will be less stressful...

Ellisandra Tue 22-Oct-19 23:13:29

CMS calculation is based on his income not yours. So if you mean CMS minimum it’s irrelevant.

If you are working sensibly and fairly as a couple to decide what he should pay above CMS then it’s perfectly fair to consider all income, CB and DLA included.

Which is it?

mathsmad1 Tue 22-Oct-19 23:18:09

Solicitor told me not to give him any allowances or benefits . He has been hiding money also which I am quite upset about . For three months.

Ellisandra Tue 22-Oct-19 23:23:27

You shouldn’t give him DLA or CB if you have the kids 80%. But it is perfectly reasonable to consider when deciding fair maintenance.

Him hiding money is another matter.

Northernlurker Tue 22-Oct-19 23:26:35

He wants to give you less because you have the Benefits?
And then the government changes the benefit regime and you end up with nothing what then? Will he magically up his payments?
The hell he will.
Be stubborn and guard your interests.

mathsmad1 Tue 22-Oct-19 23:31:20

Yes he would be giving me much less because of benefits. He hasn't
Made any adjustments for the kids being with me all Day every day for all their
School holidays thrpughout the year and there's no provision made for anything but their essential needs .there is no suggested sum for leisure/ activities/ holidays/ days out etc .

Ellisandra Tue 22-Oct-19 23:32:12

If it’s an amount greater than CMS, he can ignore it after 12 months anyway, long before any benefits change.

It’s better to get more upfront IMO - e.g. greater house equity rather than higher maintenance. Especially when he’s already proved he’ll cheat you.

But it’s still not unreasonable to look at the full picture now. You can write into a CO that it will be varied if benefits change - but it’s only enforceable for a year anyway sad

GrumpyHoonMain Tue 22-Oct-19 23:33:56

Listen to your solicitor

mathsmad1 Tue 22-Oct-19 23:37:37

He is not including thecash under the table and his benefit in kind in the calculation, until I told him I knew what he was up to.
He wants to give exactly what they need. Not a percentage of his salary.he is dumbing form his salary by about 20k per year and stormed off when I told him that the last thing I wanted was to pay for a forensic
Accountant to trawl through our finances and those of his company.

Ellisandra Tue 22-Oct-19 23:39:32

OP, read this and discuss it with your solicitor. You can fight as hard as you like for additives provision for leisure - if he’s the type of arsehole to hide money from you now during disclosure, he’ll stop paying maintenance over CMS after a year, I bet.

I’d concentrate on getting a high proportion of other assets - like house equity and pension. Get more house equity, get yourself a lower mortgage than you otherwise would have with less equity, and use the difference for days out. Far more secure way to do it.

Do discuss it all with your solicitor though.

Ellisandra Tue 22-Oct-19 23:41:39

Good for you threatening the forensic accountant!
You can’t trust him, do not expect him to stick to the agreement a day longer than he is legally obliged to, if that.

mathsmad1 Tue 22-Oct-19 23:46:32


Expressedways Tue 22-Oct-19 23:49:22

If he’s hiding money to avoid paying for his children then I think you can forget about an amicable agreement without solicitors involved. He may be trying to convince you that this approach is best but it sounds like it’s bullshit aimed to manipulate you into taking less than your children are entitled to. I’d forget about trying to have a rational discussion with someone so deceitful. Go back to the solicitor and hire the forensic account if you can afford to. You can’t trust him, his lies have left you with no choice.

Louloubelle78 Tue 22-Oct-19 23:51:41

DLA is to provide for the EXTRA needs of your child. I would not include it. CMA do not see this as relevant. As other have said it is the calculation of the income of the non resident parent.

JenniferM1989 Wed 23-Oct-19 00:00:24

If he wants to pay only for their expenses and not a percentage of his wage, he better get working on a way to do 50/50. That is the only scenario where one parent might pay the other a small amount towards shared costs like uniform and stuff.

He is way off 50/50. It's an 80/20 split so he HAS to pay 16% of his wages for two kids. He might get a slight reduction depending on how many overnight stays the kids have with him but it won't be much on an 80/20 split.

Do people seriously care so little about their kids that they'll haggle and negotiate over paying 16% of their bloody wage? It's disgusting. You will be spending A LOT more than 16% of your income on your kids OP. He would only have to pay 16% plus small amounts for activities when he has them and food. Maybe 20% of his income total? Since when have any of us ever only had to pay 20% of our income to bring our kids up? 😂. These CM dodgers make me laugh

notapizzaeater Wed 23-Oct-19 00:09:28

Presume he’s self employed to be hiding money ? What a cheapskate,

Inertia Wed 23-Oct-19 00:18:31

He wants to avoid solicitors because he knows they won't fall for his bollocks.

A solicitor will cost you now, but getting a watertight settlement will be worth it many times over. A man weaselling out of paying for his own children now will not play fair in any attempt at an amicable, mutually agreed settlement.

Birdsfoottrefoil Wed 23-Oct-19 00:31:09

those of his company

You mean your company. It is a marital asset,

Winteriscomingfast Wed 23-Oct-19 00:45:46

You mean your company. It is a marital asset

If it is a soul director company it is worthless. He can stop working through it and set up another one tomorrow and so unlikely to be considered as an asset.

Birdsfoottrefoil Wed 23-Oct-19 00:52:57

True, though if the company owns anything (eg specialist equipment, intellectual property rights) then these company assets can’t be transferred to the new company for free.

BOOnanasAreTheSourceOfEvil Wed 23-Oct-19 01:04:25

Forget playing nicely.

A) it’s never nice when someone is being forced to hand over money

B) he’s lied already.

Get a solicitor and give them all you have on him. You’ll save yourself a lot of time, heartache, nonsense, lies and ultimately money by sorting it correctly first time round.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Wed 23-Oct-19 01:23:37

If he's being as tight as this already, there's probably more and worse to come. Get it all sorted legally with solicitors asap before he manages to "lose" more money to avoid paying you.

God I hate these pennypinching exes - partly because I know that if I were to ever split with my DH, he'd be exactly the same! angrysad

SD1978 Wed 23-Oct-19 02:02:58

What care percentages are currently for consideration by CMS for the kid(s)?

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