Rude parents, entitled kids(214 Posts)
Just back from a day out at a local attraction where kids can trick or treat at various doors round the place. Our kids were waiting patiently and two little kids came and pushed in front of them. Parents said nothing. And many, many kids didn’t say thank you when given sweets, the parents didn’t encourage them to when they didn't either.
My elderly grandparents came to see me recently. We stepped off the path into the road for a lady with a double buggy, no thank you, nothing. This happens frequently. I put them on the (very busy) bus home. It was full of teenagers coming home from school. Not one of them offered either of my GPS a seat. I’m so sick of this kind of shit and might lose my rag at someone soon!
If you are one of those parents who doesn’t make their children wait in line or say thank you can you fucking sort yourself out please, we don’t need more entitled twats in the world.
A lot of people do use the word 'entitled' on Mumsnet. It annoys me because most of them use it wrongly. The queue jumpers et al are not actually 'entitled'. Rather they see themselves as entitled (to do whatever they want).
I’ve found it’s not just other members of the public who are like this, it’s also staff serving in shops/ customer service people on the phone etc who are PAID to be polite and yet still come across rude.
Went to my local bakery the other day, high street shops are struggling and I love the cakes from the bakery, took the kids there as a half term treat. Handed over the money to the cashier and even though I said ‘thanks’ (considering it was me giving her my money!) there was absolutely nothing from her, she handed back my change and again I said thanks but still nothing from her no ‘your welcome’ or even a thanks back no smile nothing. Shame cos it makes me not want to go in there again.
I completely agree. We went to the theatre yesterday, for a production aimed at children. I was shocked at how many parents allowed their children to shout through it, jump up and down, stand on chairs, all while they sat staring at their phones. This was in a theatre where the seats are steeply banked with the stage below, there was no need to stand up, even the smallest child would have had a good view. There was a family behind us who let their two daughters very loudly repeat everything said on stage, to the point that it made it impossible to follow what was happening. You'd think they'd never left their living room. The mum and grandma were actively encouraging them, laughing about how funny they were being. They weren't being funny. They ruined the show for everyone around them and didn't even stop when they were told by an older man next to them to keep the girls quiet or leave. Very disrespectful.
I think it is important to model good manners despite others not doing so.
I find older people much more likely to be rude, tbh. Younger people are falling over themselves to be polite usually.
Politeness is a given in my house, but the important thing IMO is to teach my DDs when not to be polite.
Joyful hippo - i would have said something to the business man. No excuse leaving litter anywhere. I cant even stand fag buts being dropped.
Parents have to drum into kids to think about how other people feel because for most our natural state is self absorbed. My mother was amazing at this. She was always banging on about it but was so right. Remember her having a conversation with a lady in the village and after the lady went mum saying to us how the woman had talked non stop about herself and not asked one question so she had appalling manners.
Held a birthday treat for 11 year olds recently. Two had tantrums over nothing. Not for one second had it occurred to them how the birthday child or us laying on the treat might feel. Me me me. We were horrified tbh.
About 35 years back when my Nan used to get on the bus with my dm and teenagers rushed on, my Nan would grab them by the collar and tell them to have so manners.
Don't think you'd get away with that now.
Teenagers, dc and adults have and will probably always be rude and thoughtless.
They got rid of solid bins in the 80s (I think?) but they do have clear bin bags attached to sort of metal circle things.
@joyfullittlehippo Yes bad manners. But I thought the tube did not have any bins there?
The teaching of manners should start in the home but it needs to be carried on by schools. If courtesy is made an expectation rather than seemingly being an option it will become the norm.
I went to a school where every girl said good morning/afternoon to a teacher as they met for the first time that day. If another teacher, visiting parent, governor or guest walked into the classroom we stood and said good morning Mr/s Smith. We greeted our subject teachers in the same way at the start of every lesson. We sat only when we got the nod from our teacher or visitor. If we walked through the door without holding it open for the person behind we were called back and an apology was expected.
Rarely was an apology needed though because these small acts of courtesy weren't considered to be too much to ask. They were just normal, standard basic good manners which, I believe, set us up for life.
I agree that it’s not a generational thing. Some kids are brats but some older people are awful.
I was on the tube the other day and a well-dressed businessman of about 50 ate a lunch on the tube, then carefully collected the packaging and disposed of it inside the staircase leading between platforms. Could have easily put it in a bin, but no. What kind of thought process makes you think hiding it in a staircase is okay?
I think there should be a curriculum for teaching manners.
It’s called “parenting”.
Far too many are expecting schools to teach their children how to use a toilet, dress themselves, read, use a road/internet safely, cook, use domestic appliances , manage a budget... all of which should be taught at home anyway. And you want lessons in manners adding to that list..?
This reminds me of a time when an older lady did something like open the door or move to the side when I had my two little ones. I said thank you as loud as I could as it was quite noisy around but she didn't hear me. She went to have a go at me for not thanking her and went off on a rant. I do think it was because of what I was wearing that made her feel superior as she didn't do anything super amazing that demanded the rant.
When she was done with the rant (I didn't walk off) I told her gently that I did say thank you but she couldn't hear me because of the noise and I was grateful for what she did and really appreciated it. She did go red after that but things like this just bring up my anxiety. I can't deal with public spaces with little ones when it's busy as either others are rude and entitled or people don't hear me, who tries so hard to be nice and thoughtful lol.
I was thinking about this today.
I try really hard to bring my children up with manners so they can be decent adults and also make others feel comfortable around them as unfortunately my children have been on receiving end of not so good manners from other children.
I think there should be a curriculum for teaching manners. I remember at school there was a culture of laughing at adults/teachers and it would never come across anyone's mind to go help. Perhaps a lot of bad stuff is taught from the TV too.
Secondary school is worse for this. Gangs of friends rather than one group helping another who needs help.
I do have a faith though and my religion goes have a lot of teachings on manners and character so it's a good guide for me and my children. Just being aware of people around you and whether they need help is a good start and also being kind to others whether they are in a good mood or not and to thank always. It's always good to start from a young age but parenting seems to be left for school and school does not have enough time but I believe our manners should be the first thing that we are taught.
@toomuchtrouble But that is how you teach very young kids manners, as well as trying to teach them why it matters. But kids don't get the second bit until they are older.
It is the same with lots of things. Lots of toddlers don't get why they should not hit other toddlers, we still try and teach them not to.
This is one of the reasons I now put a sign on my door saying 'no tricks or treats here'. Kids grabbing handfuls of sweets and not saying thank you! Manners were drummed into me and I've passed it onto mine. Bloody hate rude people!
So they are up for being polite so long as they “get things” in return?😳nice.
Oh come on. Alright I’m butting in, but I’m sure that means things like... their coat passed to them in the morning, a drink, their DM to play a game with them, a pudding perhaps. Not a ton of material crap. I regularly say to my children ‘If you ask for anything it should be second nature to add “please”.’ It’s sunk in it seems, as my DS told me today the dinner ladies commented “That boy is always so polite” and it made him feel very happy 😊
I'm regularly told I'm so lucky my dc are polite. Er well they don't get things if they speak to me like dirt. It's not rocket science
So they are up for being polite so long as they “get things” in return?😳nice.
YANBU! I seem to spend a lot of time saying "I think thank you was what you meant to say" to kids and adults alike!!!
I have had to get the bus back from school with my primary school DC before and it’s usually filled with teenagers who are shockingly rude. I once had to prompt one of them to move from the buggy area where he was sitting, he had seen me clearly standing there waiting to push my pram into that area but failed to move until I asked. He then tutted and sighed like it was an earth shattering request. Same for trying to get off a packed bus, the teenagers barely shifted at all to let me off. I also witnessed a teenager telling an elderly woman to ‘chill the fuck out’ last week when she informed him she was first so should be first to get on the bus. I was pretty horrified, there’s just no way I’d have dared be so rude to anyone like that as a teen.
I do think the sense of entitlement starts with the parents, obviously manners aren’t high on some parents agendas anymore.
I think people who are really rude tend to be rudest to people who they see as low status. That includes waitresses, retail staff, children and older women.
Ah yes, the one upmanship. People seem to forget they're paying for a meal, or an item, not a piece of your soul. Thing is a customer has power, and some people let that go to their heads.
In general I think people have been taught to be more self absorbed and look after number one, and are never encouraged out of that phase that we all go through as children/teens. Unfortunately people like that tend to do better in life, in my experience anyway, anyone considerate is perceived as a doormat. He who shouts the loudest gets the most and all that. I sometimes wish I could be more like that because I might be a bit more respected, but it's not who I am.
It's very unfortunate that most of us would be too scared to reprimand a rude person. Dd said that yesterday a woman got on the bus, put her feet straight up on the opposite seat and proceeded to eat some fruit, the peel of which she threw onto another seat. Dd did a "Paddington stare" but the woman just raised her eyebrow and mouthed "Fuck Off" so dd shrank back. You never know how some people are going to react.
Additionally if you say anything to someone else's child, even something mild such as telling them there's a queue, you may be facing certain death at the hands of the mother. Even on MN there are "those parents" who are howling for the blood of any teacher who dares to tell off their offspring.
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