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for feeling that perhaps it's just not very fair?

(17 Posts)
JoshandJamie Wed 15-Aug-07 21:14:40

Situation:

DH is currently on a business trip to South Africa (having been in Dubai since Sunday).

I am South African and haven't been home in ages (and am a little homesick).

He is flying on first class flights and staying seriously swanky hotels. Downside: he's having to work pretty hard doing lots of presentations. PS - his salary pays the mortgage.

I am staying at home in our house which was flooded 3 weeks ago and currently is being mauled by builders ripping plaster off the walls and ripping up the floors, leaving me with a kitchen (covered in dust) with a misplaced dresser slap bang in the middle of it, and three cushions to sit on the concrete floor in front of a tv (sum total of useable living space). Plus a 2 year old and a 3.5 year old to entertain in rainy weather and no indoor space to speak of. Plus run a from home business in between the (VERY LOUD) drilling.

Am trying awfully hard not to feel resentful of DH saying he's off to one of my favourite restaurants for a lovely meal before he gets to sink into his comfy hotel bed, while I have toast and marmite for dinner and prepare for a night of interrupted sleep and another day of drilling.

I probably am being unreasonable. He needs to do his job. But right now, it just doesn't seem very fair.

FireFaerie Wed 15-Aug-07 21:21:05


You have it rough at the moment. Take it you cant go and join him? On his companies wallet?
On a more serious note, It really isnt FAIR but as you know, its not his fault. Is there any chance of you being able to go and stay in a Bed and Breakfast for the night in the VERY near future, have someone else cook for you, and catch up on some well earned sleep?
Hope the house gets sorted soon

JoshandJamie Wed 15-Aug-07 21:34:23

Thanks FireFaerie. Sadly I can't join him. It's not his fault at all - and he is trying to be sympathetic but it's really hard to not feel a bit hard done by. Probably just needed a little pity party. More wine is needed probably.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jellyhead Wed 15-Aug-07 21:37:05

I'd be sitting on my cushion feeling rather peeved.

He has to work but I know which place I'd rather be.

Hope your house gets sorted out soon

Shoshable Wed 15-Aug-07 21:43:43

oh dear J&J my DDIL feels like you each October when my DH swans of to SA, she hasn't been home for 18 months and would love to go in his place, but unfortunately his is work as well. But he does take out her Christmas Pressies and bring back stuff for her

PeachesMcLean Wed 15-Aug-07 21:45:17

No, you're not being unreasonable. Given your situation at home, you'd have to be an absolute saint not to be jealous of your DH at the moment. And we all know that there are worse thing people have to deal with, but really, I'd be peeved too. You've got a lot to deal with there.

FireFaerie Thu 16-Aug-07 21:03:00

Hope you are feeling a little better today

mm22bys Fri 17-Aug-07 08:12:43

YANBU.

I was going to suggest maybe going back to South Africa while the works being done, but I guess you need to be around while the work is being done?

All the best,

goldenoldie Fri 17-Aug-07 17:09:48

if house is unbearable what about renting somewhere, nice, local while the work is being done?

a cheaper option would be to get a bit of help with the kids a couple of half days a week to give you a break and a chance to do something nice for yourself.

hope he brings you back something mega-special!

FluffyMummy123 Fri 17-Aug-07 17:10:33

Message withdrawn

currantbunmum Fri 17-Aug-07 17:35:09

J and J, I am in Cheltenham if you need somewhere to feel a little more normal, and to have a break away from the builders, contact me on this thread or through mumsnet. We thankfully didn't flood but lots of people we know did. If there is anyway we can help let us know.

This isn't a "just to be nice offer" I do mean it!!

WinkyWinkola Fri 17-Aug-07 19:40:20

currantbunmum, you are lovely.

tori32 Fri 17-Aug-07 19:59:27

Used to have a similar situ with my x but instead of kids it was dogs. Also didnt have the floods to contend with. Yes you have a perfect right to feel duped! Have a nice glass of veno and try to relax after babes go to bed. Really sorry for your predicament.

JoshandJamie Sat 18-Aug-07 06:47:25

thanks everyone. Only just managed to get back online. That's a very kind offer currantbunmum - luckily DH comes home today and we move into a friend's house until our temporary accomodation is available.

I have survived the week from hell but it hasn't been fun. DH does realise that this weekend the kids are his and I will be chillin

JoshandJamie Sun 19-Aug-07 14:53:05

So I was wrong. DH apparently didn't realise just quite what a shite week i've had and has spent the entire weekend sighing everytime he has to spend a minute with the children and generally being a grumpy old fart.

I managed to get a whole hour to sleep yesterday afternoon as i felt awful - and that has been my time off.

I honestly thought that he would come back and all would feel better. instead i feel even more stressed out because now i have to deal with a miserable husband as well as miserable children.

When i asked him what was wrong, he said he never gets to relax. He just works and then has to come home and do chores. And I agree with him - but what does he think i do???? At least when he's sleeping in swanky hotels he's not getting woken every few hours by a child or getting woken at 5.30 am every day and the people in his meetings aren't pooing on the floor or climbing on him or permanantly crying and whinging. And atleast he gets to have 11 hours on his own on a first class flight. None of those things might seem that brilliant but in contrast they're a whole lot more fun than what I've put up with - yet i'm the one telling him to go and have some time off.

McEdam Sun 19-Aug-07 14:55:27

I would write down what you said in your last post and give it to him, tbh. Brilliantly put.

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