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AIBU?

intervering MIL

68 replies

Lonely234566778 · 22/10/2019 10:55

Hello everyone,
am I being unreasonable that I don't want my mother in law to take my child away for the day?

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TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 22/10/2019 10:57

Bit vague for anyone to give an opinion. Can we have more detail? How old is the child? Why does MIL want to take child away for the day?

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Itsreallymehonest · 22/10/2019 10:57

I think we need a little more information on context.

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Lonely234566778 · 22/10/2019 11:05

Sorry, my child is 13months old and she wants to take him to the beach or places that are a fair few hours drive away, and I don't know why but it just almost panics me a little.
I think she wants to do it as she let her MIL do the same with her son, but I'm not comfortable with it.

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aweedropofsancerre · 22/10/2019 11:12

Your DC your decision. If your not comfortable then the answer is no. My MIL never tried to take my DC away. She happily had them overnight to allow us to have a break and would come with us for day trips and beach days. They are getting old now and physically wouldn’t be able to manage my youngest who is 5

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Blondebakingmumma · 22/10/2019 11:12

You are the mum. If you feel uncomfortable with your child being taken away for so long say no and compromise to a time you are happy with

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echt · 22/10/2019 11:12

This very vague. You don't know why you feel as you do, and ascribe reasons for her motives based on nothing.

If you don't what to do it, don't, but don't blame it on her.

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Blondebakingmumma · 22/10/2019 11:13

Maybe suggest you go with her and your child to the beach if it is an outing she is desperate for

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Itsreallymehonest · 22/10/2019 11:13

Your child, your rules, but do you use childcare? If so then perhaps YABU. Maybe go with them?

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echt · 22/10/2019 11:14

Oh, and she's not interfering. She wants to do a one-off thing you don't like. Interfering implies a continual kind of behaviour.

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Lonely234566778 · 22/10/2019 11:16

I think I feel like this as she is over involved I suffered badly with baby blues like I'm sure most new mums do and instead of giving me space and time to adjust to parent hood day and night I had people round my house, she makes comments about the way I look (tired) I didn't want my child on social media and even to this day she still complains saying I'm being unreasonable and should allow her as this is the world we live.
I think I'll do what you all have said so far and maybe see if she will meet in the middle, its just when she has him she doesn't stick to his routine .

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Atalune · 22/10/2019 11:17

You say “a fair few hours”....

How long exactly in the car?

I think it’s nice that she wants to be involved.

Think there is a massive back story.

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Lonely234566778 · 22/10/2019 11:19

its not I don't like it, I'm uncomfortable about not being at hand for my child. yes I do use child care for only two days.

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Lonely234566778 · 22/10/2019 11:20

it will be a three hour car journey

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NearlyGranny · 22/10/2019 11:21

Why hasn:t she asked you along?

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PlasticPatty · 22/10/2019 11:22

Anything that you are not comfortable with is unreasonable. Do not allow it. She has no rights to your child.

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Lonely234566778 · 22/10/2019 11:22

no idea, she just didn't ask if me or my husband wanted to go just said about her and her partner and obviously my child

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Lonely234566778 · 22/10/2019 11:23

Thank you plastic patty :)

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Itsreallymehonest · 22/10/2019 11:23

If it's the distance you are uncomfortable with then, rather than the actual time, I do understand this. Suggest something as fun but closer.

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Pharlapwasthebest · 22/10/2019 11:25

I wouldn’t have been comfortable with that either at that age, and it is your decision. Stand firm.

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Nanny0gg · 22/10/2019 11:26

A three hour drive for a day trip at that age is madness anyway.

Maybe when he's (a lot) older

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DriftingLeaves · 22/10/2019 11:27

3 hours away is too much, I agree. But a trip out with grandparents is a treat for most children. Maybe suggest somewhere nearer and just for the morning.afternoon.

It's important that DCs bond with their grandparents but parents can draw the line in a reasonable place.

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Lonely234566778 · 22/10/2019 11:30

Thank you everyone for your great advise, I think I will ask and see if she is happy to do something closer to home and maybe not all day.
she does look after my DC every Monday so I know she does get plenty of bonding time.

I think I have a few issues that I need to resolve myself as I don't know why, but do any of you get the feeling that people are trying to replace you or take your place as a parent?

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DarlingNikita · 22/10/2019 11:33

instead of giving me space and time to adjust to parent hood day and night I had people round my house* What does this mean? When you'd just had your baby SHE invited people to YOUR house? You (well, your DH) should have told her then to fucking pack it in.

she makes comments about the way I look (tired) Tell her she's rude and she will not be welcome in your house/to see you if she carries on.

I didn't want my child on social media and even to this day she still complains saying I'm being unreasonable and should allow her as this is the world we live. Again, tell her she can have her opinion but you have yours and you don't want to hear any more of it.

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Chottie · 22/10/2019 11:37

OP - just say no and repeat if necessary.

I am a MiL and a devoted DGM and there is no way on earth, I would ever take my DGC anywhere without the consent and agreement of my DD and my SiL.

Stay strong and stick to your guns

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Wonkybanana · 22/10/2019 11:40

do any of you get the feeling that people are trying to replace you or take your place as a parent?

OP is there a lot more to this?

And when you say you had people round at the house all the time after you'd had the baby, do you mean her? People she invited? Other people that were nothing to do with her?