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To feel like the only person in the world to end a marriage after less than a year?

(135 Posts)
costtete Tue 22-Oct-19 10:55:30

I got married this year but it was a big mistake. I've been having a tough time recently and he's been completely unsupportive and just not the person I thought he was, he's only happy if I am putting him at the centre of everything and not focussing on other things in my life, he sulks otherwise and it's just become a horrible environment. He now wants to split up too. I feel so embarrassed and upset at this mistake and like the only person who has split up a few months after the wedding. Anyone been through the same?

CaptainCabinets Tue 22-Oct-19 10:57:30

THis would be better moved to the Relationships board as you won’t get much helpful advice here.

JorisBonson Tue 22-Oct-19 10:58:18

5 months here, at my insistence. Yes it's embarrassing, painful, totally alien but if it's not working then it's the best decision. It does take time but it is ok in the end.

costtete Tue 22-Oct-19 11:16:48

Sorry just posted here for traffic mainly.

Thanks for sharing, it feels so isolating and lonely. What were the reasons for your split if you don't mind me asking? And how did you face telling people?

AryaStarkWolf Tue 22-Oct-19 11:17:14

Better than sticking it out for years and years and it never getting better. Atleast this way you can both move on and find happiness. I know you must feel embarrassed etc but that would be a very bad reason to stay

ColaFreezePop Tue 22-Oct-19 11:18:45

Cheaper to get divorced now then in 5+ years.

Good luck.

honeyloops Tue 22-Oct-19 11:19:24

I know a couple of people who have done this for various reasons - you're not the only one. And much better for you to be happy than feel lonely and trapped by a piece of paper - good luck smile

QueenofmyPrinces Tue 22-Oct-19 11:21:04

My friend and her husband split up 9 months after their wedding and have gone their separate ways. I know she felt embarrassed and was so worried what people would say in case they judged her etc but it was absolutely the right thing to do.

He was really vile to her and I’m glad she found the strength to end it.

Ending a marriage so soon after it happened shows bravery and courage, not weakness.

I hope you are ok, and even if you don’t feel okay now, you will one day flowers

Fatshedra Tue 22-Oct-19 11:22:04

Just do it! Bit embarrassing but you won't be the first of friends / family to split and you won't be the last.
Thankfully no DCs.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 22-Oct-19 11:22:24

I know several people this happened to, and honestly, NO ONE really cares. There's the initial "Oh really! That's too bad" kind of surprise from people, but other than that it's old news very quickly.

You need to do what's best for you, and the sooner you end it the better.

Standandwait Tue 22-Oct-19 11:23:58

If it's not working now it is much much wiser to end it now. I know lots of people whose marriages ended within a year (in one case within eight weeks) and generally my reaction was: good, don't let it go too long.

Frazzlerock Tue 22-Oct-19 11:24:03

I kicked Ex-H out after only about 8 months. We'd been together 10 years by that point and had two DC, but we'd spent that entire time TTC and wedding planning that I don't think I realised what he'd be like once all that had died down. Then boom, 8 months post wedding, it hit me that I couldn't bear to be with the lazy arse manchild any longer. It was the unknown but it was fine. Was single for 6 years and then met DP 4 years ago and getting married in April smile

ThreeLittleDots Tue 22-Oct-19 11:24:25

Don't feel embarrassed - your friends and family may well be relieved!

MRex Tue 22-Oct-19 11:25:13

Embarrassment is a seriously over-rated reaction. I haven't been in your position, but please know that almost everyone would only have sympathy for you that it hasn't worked out. Far better to move on now than to start having children who'll then struggle when you split and waste years of your life when you could be enjoying yourself.

paw1977 Tue 22-Oct-19 11:26:02

My friend left after 6 weeks. No need for embarrassment.

SpinneyHill Tue 22-Oct-19 11:29:28

I know 2 people who wanted to end relationships before the wedding but bottled it and both went through their Big Day knowing they were going to end it when they felt it was appropriate(?) First waited 3 weeks Second waited nearly a year and was utterly miserable throughout.

My DS GMs 2nd marriage lasted 3 months because they apparently didn't realise they couldn't stand each other until after the wedding.

Definitely not a rarity for a marriage to fail in it's first year. Onward and upward!

nearlynermal Tue 22-Oct-19 11:31:10

Oh gosh, OP, please ignore the embarrassment. As Aquamarine says, after the initial 'oh dear' people just get on with their lives. Not getting trapped in a toxic marriage with kids = priceless.

WineGummyBear Tue 22-Oct-19 11:31:42

Another vote for don't be embarrassed.
Far far better to call it a day now.

Sorry this has happened OP. And we'll done, you don't want to stay tied to a child who sulks when it's not all about him.

It feels late in the day to discover this but it still counts as a lucky escape.

costtete Tue 22-Oct-19 11:32:01

Wow thanks everyone so much for the replies and support. I think what someone else said rings true - once the dust had settled on not planning the wedding and doing up the house etc it became so apparent we just dont work, and he only wants me when I'm doing everything his way and giving him my full attention, and I just can't compromise myself like that. I'm only late 20s so feel far too young to settle for feeling utterly miserable everyday

GettingABitDesperateNow Tue 22-Oct-19 11:32:34

I have been to a wedding where this happened and a friend of a friend also did it. Also attended a wedding where they lasted 2 years.

To be honest I think its brave to admit it was a mistake and walk away. It's a lot better to do it sooner rather than limp on for years and being kids in to the mix all for thr sake of not being embarrassed or feel like you're letting other people down. I honestly dont think other people judge that much

KatharinaRosalie Tue 22-Oct-19 11:33:42

DH and his first wife were divorced 7 months after the wedding. No infidelity or issues, they just both realised that getting married was a mistake and they were not a good match after all.

QueenofLouisiana Tue 22-Oct-19 11:34:08

I know two couples who've done the same. One couple because they realised that they’d got married to cover over the cracks of their relationship, the other as she was having an affair.

It’s not as unusual as it might seem. Good luck for the future, it’ll be fine.

MumW Tue 22-Oct-19 11:34:39

A friend of a friend got married after living with her partner for a number of years. He dumped her during their honeymoon.

Idontwanttotalk Tue 22-Oct-19 11:36:25

Better to realise a mistake sooner rather than later. If a family member or friend was in this position I'd rather they split up rather than stayed in an unhappy marriage. Don't be embarrassed. You are brave and doing the right thing.

Loopytiles Tue 22-Oct-19 11:37:57

I know three people who got divorced in twenties, you’re doing the sensible thing!

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