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To not want to give them my baby stuff?

(487 Posts)
TheCheekOfSomePeople Mon 21-Oct-19 15:02:46

Bil and his fiancé are expecting a baby (12 weeks pregnant I think) and dh has just told me that mil has just asked dh when can fil collect our baby furniture, clothes, toys and books with his van. I think they are even expecting to collect the pram which my parents bought and we are still using (my dc is 22 months old).
Me and dh are also thinking about trying for another baby in the near future.
AIBU to think they are being cheeky?
AIBU to want to keep the stuff because my dc is still using the pram, toys and books and it might be difficult to get it back if we have another baby. And it might not be in as good condition as we gave it.
Dh didn't mention that we were thinking of trying for another baby

Kittykat93 Mon 21-Oct-19 15:04:32

What the fuck? That's insanely cheeky just expecting it without even asking!! I can't believe people are actually this rude.

Trafalger Mon 21-Oct-19 15:05:49

Just tell them no. You could if you are feeling particular kind sort out a carrier bag of clothes and toys but the rest of it just say no you want to keep it. You have to be firm from the outset if this is how they are.

8by8 Mon 21-Oct-19 15:05:51

Good grief. Yanbu at all.

Tell your DH to put them straight. You are still using a lot of it, and you are keeping everything for another baby.

Very cheeky of them to assume.

BlodwynBludd Mon 21-Oct-19 15:06:57

Just say no you're not finished with it. It's weird they would expect it without being offered.

Bibijayne Mon 21-Oct-19 15:07:30

That's nuts! It's one thing if you'd offered/ said you were clearing out, but to just take stuff when you have a young DC who is still using it and you're thinking of a second DC... No.

BarbaraofSeville Mon 21-Oct-19 15:07:40

And this week's award for CF of the week goes to.......


I assume MILs question about when FIL can come round and take all your baby stuff wasn't preceded by your DH saying something like 'we have lots of spare things they can have'?

It's your stuff and you are still using it.

It's very early days for them and who wants baby stuff hanging round unused for 6 months.

It's your stuff and you are still using it.

You might have another baby in the near future.

It's your stuff and you are still using it.


thistimelastweek Mon 21-Oct-19 15:08:47

It's your stuff to do with as you please. That includes keeping it where it is
Congratulations to the in-laws and all that but they have no right to your stuff

CanaryBlossom Mon 21-Oct-19 15:09:11

Of course your DH said to MIL “I don’t know where anyone got the idea that they’re having all our baby stuff - that’s not happening”

Didn’t he?

AthollPlace Mon 21-Oct-19 15:10:17

Even if you were getting rid of it, expecting it for free is cheeky! Most people sell stuff to afford a replacement. I couldn’t have afforded a toddler bed if I hadn’t got some cash from selling DC’s cot second hand.

This is your DH’s problem to sort out. He needs to say sorry, we’re still using our stuff so won’t be giving it away.

TheCheekOfSomePeople Mon 21-Oct-19 15:11:27

I'm sure dh didn't offer. Well I hope he didn't because we had recently discussed having another dc and he really wants another one/ more keen than I am

CokeAndCrispsAndDip Mon 21-Oct-19 15:12:28

Hmm, the answer here is 'never'. Tell her she'll enjoy shopping for new things for her future grandchild.

BertieBotts Mon 21-Oct-19 15:12:55

Hang on, have they expected this or has MIL expected this?

I'd just say "Sorry but we are still using everything" if they point out you're not using XYZ say "We had planned to store it just in case of #2" (implies you haven't decided yet) or even "I'm keeping that for sentimental reasons".

They wouldn't be unreasonable to ask if you have anything you're no longer using to pass on, but to just assume is really rude. Could it be a communication failure??

TheCheekOfSomePeople Mon 21-Oct-19 15:15:28

It could be a communication failure but dh said about fil bringing his van.

AryaStarkWolf Mon 21-Oct-19 15:17:04

What did your DH say?

BertieBotts Mon 21-Oct-19 15:18:43

Yes, it does seem like it would have to be a rather massive one confused

I wondered if perhaps BIL or SIL had said something like "We might ask OP and DH if they have anything they are no longer using" and FIL said "Oh good idea, if you need any help collecting anything, let me know" and MIL has got the wrong end of the stick and thought that FIL is definitely collecting some stuff that you're giving to BIL and SIL.

raspberryk Mon 21-Oct-19 15:18:59

Why did your dh not say no because we haven't finished having children and still use most of it anyway?

allabouteve1 Mon 21-Oct-19 15:20:16

Wow they are some CF. But, is it MIL assuming or has BIL said something to her? I'd get DH to talk to his brother and just say we aren't done with anything yet. Don't get back to MIL go directly to BIL as I suspect he and SIL will be mortified that MIL has done this.

EileenAlanna Mon 21-Oct-19 15:20:24

Tell them you're nowhere near finished having children but when you are they'll be welcome then to what's salvageable. Massive CF-ery.

Contraceptionismyfriend Mon 21-Oct-19 15:21:01

You need to speak to your DH and say did you offer the items or did they tell you they wanted them.

And end it with bottom line they're not having anything and that he needs to make that very clear right now.

KatharinaRosalie Mon 21-Oct-19 15:21:15

Why didn't DH say anything? You don't have to give MIL your exact plans but just 'We have not decided yet if we are done with kids, so not lending things out just yet'

EssentialHummus Mon 21-Oct-19 15:22:51

Have DH go straight to BIL and explain that there must be a misunderstanding, FIL said that they wanted to send a van round but all the stuff mentioned is still very much in use and actually you're hoping little Bobby will have a sibling soon, won't it be lovely for the cousins to all be close in age? We loved Ikea/John Lewis/Whatever for baby stuff, you can grab a bargain in the xmas sales. xxx

msmith501 Mon 21-Oct-19 15:25:31

I think (as with a lot of these family-centric threads), that DH needs to put on his big man pants and stand up for your plans and future together re: more children.

Witchend Mon 21-Oct-19 15:30:19

Why don't you speak to BIL? He may be horrified at the thought that his parents have assumed you'll give the stuff over.

SandAndSea Mon 21-Oct-19 15:34:39

"Hi mil! I think there's been a misunderstanding. We're not ready to pass on our baby stuff yet. Sorry!"

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