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Not going to kids party after accepting invitation

(186 Posts)
Donkeydoodles Mon 21-Oct-19 11:49:44

My 4 year old was invited to 'Child A's' birthday party the other week. I know the mum from a group of mums I hang about with but our kids don't really know each other. It was very kind of her to invite my daughter and we accepted.

In the mean time my daughter has been invited to a nursery friend's party (Child B). This is someone she's good friends with and she's desperate to go.

I think we should probably go to Child B's party as she barely knows Child A and we were probably only invited out of politeness as all the mums socialise. Child A probably won't be disappointed that my daughter isn't at her party, as she probably doesn't actually know who she is! However, I feel it's pretty poor form to now say we can't go to because we essentially 'got a better offer'.

I really like Child A's mum and don't want to be a d*ck. Is it unreasonable to tell her we can't come because we've been invited to another party?

TheOrigRightsofwomen Mon 21-Oct-19 12:10:50

Just put your own child in child A's shoes.

Spam88 Mon 21-Oct-19 12:12:24

You've already accepted an invitation, would be very poor form to cancel now for a better offer.

And CERTAINLY don't do what a PP advised and just cry off sick on the day. I read a news article this week about a little girls party that only one person turned up to (2 cancelled on the morning and the rest just didn't show up). Heartbreaking 😢

SleepingStandingUp Mon 21-Oct-19 12:14:37

Just put your own child in child A's shoes
Child A's Mom has invited some kid frito her party based in which Mom's she hangs out with. It doesn't sound like she'll care that Random Kid isn't going any more

PlaymobilPirate Mon 21-Oct-19 12:16:18

We had those last week. Accepted child A. Child Bs mum organised a last minute party which ds was desperate to go to.

We went to A because that was the right thing to do. We invited B round for tea and to play a couple of nights later after school. Could you do similar?

absopugginglutely Mon 21-Oct-19 12:18:45

Could you go to A's for a bit and then nip to the next one or are they at the same time?
It's awkward, I feel for you.

RedskyToNight Mon 21-Oct-19 12:19:21

Stick to the invite you've accepted. I've been the other side of this and seen my 12 expected guests dwindle to 5 on the day as everyone else got a better offer.

If there's a large cross over with guests, might be worth a quiet chat with Child B's parents to point this out and see if they have any room for moving their times (I've seen that happen before when there are clashing parties).

itsmecathycomehome Mon 21-Oct-19 12:20:29

Ring Mum B and decline, explaining why. She'll be worried about lots of other people similarly declining and might change the day/time. I've seen that happen before.

spiderlight Mon 21-Oct-19 12:21:20

We've had this. The parties were very close together, so we explained to both sets of parents, went to party A for the first hour and then zoomed off to party B for the second hour. Would that be a possibility?

fivecupsoftea Mon 21-Oct-19 12:22:03

I would go to Child A’s party. It’s only a party, won’t really matter if she misses one, and your friendships are important. My eldest is 20 and I still get together with close group of mum friends I had when my kids were very young. My daughter is not in touch with any of her nursery friends!

APipkinOfPepper Mon 21-Oct-19 12:22:24

How well do you know child B’s mum, and how much of a cross over in guests is there likely to be? I would be inclined to chat to child B’s mum about the clash in party times and whether it was possible to move her child’s party to a bit earlier/later in the day so child B has more acceptances as people can do both if they wanted.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Mon 21-Oct-19 12:23:32

Id honour the first- if other children are going to As not Bs, surely Bs mum will realise the clash.
Id say to mum B, sorry we are going to As party...she might change it.

quickentheprocess Mon 21-Oct-19 12:23:41

you're new to a group of mums who also have DC your childs age. i think if you cancelled and they took offense the entire group could oust you. Also you never know, your child and child A could form a life long friendship. I would say its important for your friendship for you to go to child As party. plus then your daughter will get to know child A and all the other children and make socialising easier for you.

Molly2017 Mon 21-Oct-19 12:25:44

When you got the invitation to Child’s B party you should have told your DC you couldn’t make it. I wouldn’t have said why. That would have stopped any questions from them and you wouldn’t have had this dilemma in the first place.
If I were the other mum I’d much rather you tell me in advance you’re not coming then cancel on the day. She’ll be doing party bags and catering for your child now you have accepted. She may also be restricting numbers at home due to space.
I’d stick with Child A’s party personally, that’s because I’ve been on the receiving end of several parents accepting invites and then cancelling on the day, not turning up etc. It isn’t fair on the birthday child, who however close they are or are not to your child, will be expecting to see them.

DriftingLeaves Mon 21-Oct-19 12:26:25

I agree. Don't be a dick. Go to the one you accepted.

RachelEllenR Mon 21-Oct-19 12:30:13

I think it's enough notice and understandable. I invited an NCT friend's child to my daughter's 5th birthday, they accepted. They now see each other a couple of times a year but used to see each other weekly. The other girl then had an invite to a school friend's birthday and the mum let me know with about a month to go (telling the truth) and I didn't mind at all! I didn't even mention it to my daughter. Her school friends are much more important to a 4/5 year old than essentially their parents' friends' children.

TwoIsNotBetterThanOne Mon 21-Oct-19 12:31:02

I'd ask OH to take DD to child B's party, or ask child B's mother if it's ok to leave her there.
Then, I'd go to Party A myself and work my socks off helping it to run smoothly, with an honest explanation in advance to A's mum about B's preference Vs your preference to be with A.

Bloomburger Mon 21-Oct-19 12:31:34

If child A is such an unknown to your daughter you shouldn't have accepted their invitation maybe?

Amanduh Mon 21-Oct-19 12:33:30

It’s really rude. Imagine if everyone did that. Oh, you’re good enough to waste a couple of hours, but now i’ve had a better offer.
Not nice.

Oysterbabe Mon 21-Oct-19 12:33:31

I'd go to child B's party but let her know ASAP and not go into detail.
Sorry, Ive realised I have a clash in my calendar and can't make it after all. I'd be surprised if she cares.

MintyMabel Mon 21-Oct-19 12:36:08

Don't do it. Don't be that person who cancels for a better offer.

It's a bloody 4 year old!

Are people really suggesting if they were invited to a party their parents' friends were throwing, and later discovered their best mate was having a party they'd say "ahh no, I'll go to the random's party"

Bollocks to that. Sometimes people's diaries change and that's ok.

As for "what if no-one turns up". I'm sure the kid would be just as upset if only a kid he doesn't know turns up because His mum's friend came.

Any parent would understand and if they don't they are being idiots.

Marinemarie Mon 21-Oct-19 12:37:08

It’s rude and sends a bad message to your child that she can let people down if she gets a better opportunity. Especially if you lie

tomboytown Mon 21-Oct-19 12:37:33

I’d say sorry I’m double booked and go to both for an hour each

BrokenWing Mon 21-Oct-19 12:38:06

Honestly, if its a small party at home and you've accepted I'd go to As.

Unless you can speak frankly to the mum who is your friend and find out if her dd isn't bothered and your dd definitely wont be missed.

diddl Mon 21-Oct-19 12:38:13

Could you talk to the mum of B-if others have the same problem she might be able/willing to change hers?

If not, then I think that she should go to A's & do something with B when convenient.

MintyMabel Mon 21-Oct-19 12:40:03

It’s rude and sends a bad message to your child that she can let people down if she gets a better opportunity

She's 4, FGS🙄

But if you want to get all "socially acceptable" about it she didn't accept the invite to the first party, her mother did.

Let her go to her friend's party FFS.

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