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AIBU?

In laws morning music sessions

40 replies

fancytiles · 21/10/2019 09:26

Currently 8 months pregnant and staying with in laws for a few weeks (not my idea, and had to move out v last minute due to building works- they literally told us 2 days before!) and due to being super huge myself and DH don't fit super well in a double so I only really get to sleep at about 6:30 after he's left to go to work (I've just finished work for mat leave to manage the last bit of this friggin building project!) anyway, the room we are staying in doesn't have a door and FIL likes to blast the 80s tunes from about 8:30/9 and as much as I love an 80s disco it's pretty much impossible to sleep.... ideally would like to be able to sleep in until about 10/11ish to get enough sleep to deal with builders etc (also the last time I can do this ever for about 18 years... first baby!) would it be really arseholey to ask him to hold off on the disco till 10/11?! It's quite annoying!!

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acabria · 21/10/2019 09:29

Its their house perhaps after a few weeks its a hint they're sick of tiptoeing round for hours while you sleep.
Can you book a hotel for a night to recharge. Or send DH to sleep on the sofa overnight.

fancytiles · 21/10/2019 09:33

We have an air Bnb from 1st nov and I'm desperate to get out! Did not want to stay in the first place haha. I'd feel super mean getting him to sleep on the sofa.

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fancytiles · 21/10/2019 09:33

And they've defo done it from the start 🤪

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Dishwashersaurous · 21/10/2019 09:36

I thought that you were going to say that was early. Yabvvvu

It’s their house. It’s normal morning time not early by any definition

Dishwashersaurous · 21/10/2019 09:37

And put a camp bed up for your husband

HeddaGarbled · 21/10/2019 09:39

No, you can’t ask them to creep about until 10.00 or 11.00am in their own house. The problem is not getting any sleep before 6.30am, isn’t it? You need a solution to that, not the morning music.

fancytiles · 21/10/2019 09:40

That's so mean though making him sleep in a camp bed! Ah well it's not long till we're outta here!

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Windydaysuponus · 21/10/2019 09:42

Yabu not to invest in some leg warmers and join in!!

Quartz2208 · 21/10/2019 09:43

He is your husband he should be the one helping you sleep and adapting not your PIL. Why is it ok to ask your FIL to change his normal routine and not your husband to sleep on a camp bed

user1483387154 · 21/10/2019 09:43

yab completely unreasonable

fancytiles · 21/10/2019 09:43

@HeddaGarbled it's the bed- a double is too small given the size I am at the moment. I would feel really bad asking DH to sleep on the sofa or the floor and actually tried sleeping on a camp bed matress myself the other night and it was genuinely worse!

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fancytiles · 21/10/2019 09:45

@Windydaysuponus hahaha I would love to but my god I would look a sight dressed 80s style this big 🤪😂🤪 I guess maybe that would put them off doing it.... you might be onto something here.....

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Disfordarkchocolate · 21/10/2019 09:45

It's not mean to ask you husband to help you get enough sleep, being very pregnant can be exhausting.

WatchingTheMoon · 21/10/2019 09:45

I don't get why it's ok for you to be uncomfortable but not for your husband.

fancytiles · 21/10/2019 09:47

Because he's working and we rely on his salary but I'm on mat leave and just managing this building project (not doing any actual building) so he needs the sleep more (but at the same time I'm finding the end of pregnancy exhausting and need.sleep.)

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Howdidido · 21/10/2019 09:48

Yeah... I don't get why it's ok for you to try and sleep on a camp mattress and not DH?
I think that's your first port of call
But if you have a good relationship with FIL then you could ask if he would mind having it on a bit quieter. Or if you've had a bad night, your DH passing on that message to PIL.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 21/10/2019 09:49

How did people fit in beds before King/Super King?

You are resisting any other reasonable suggestion, so the only thing to do tell your fil that the disco needs to be postponed in the mornings.

PrestonNotHeston · 21/10/2019 09:50

Squishy ear plugs are your friend. Or noise cancelling headphones.

GPatz · 21/10/2019 09:50

My husband's working and we currently rely on his salary, but that doesn't mean his comfort is paramount.

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/10/2019 09:52

And you are growing a baby. I went into my last labour truly exhausted through a severe lack of sleep (I was sick several times a night). Labour was so much worse because I was so tired. Talk to your husband and get some sleep.

Dishwashersaurous · 21/10/2019 09:54

Until about twenty years ago almost all beds were doubles.

They are normal but not great when pregnant.

You need to sleep and are struggling

Therefore for a week your husband needs to sleep elsewhere

WatchingTheMoon · 21/10/2019 09:55

You're making a baby. Your husband has a job. Do you honestly think he deserves more comfort than you?

My husband gets chucked out of the bed regularly because he snores and fidgets and I've never once felt bad about it.

Time to start putting yourself first sometimes, cos it doesn't sound like anyone else is going to.

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Howdidido · 21/10/2019 09:57

Your DH might be earning money but your body is growing a baby. That's exhausting. And as PP said labour when you are exhausted is so much worse. Don't be a martyr about it.
I bet your DH sleeps just fine on a camp bed..
(Speaking from the uncomfortable but privileged position of 9+months pregnant now, but DH in spare room, DH doing morning drop off, lie ins every morning, no one else in the house)

FizzyGreenWater · 21/10/2019 09:57

He does NOT need sleep more - you do!

You are heavily pregnant. You need to be thinking about staying rested and as healthy as possible in preparation for birth.

Mat leave? No, you aren't though are you? 'Mat leave' - as in having the house to yourself all day every day so that you can relax, get back to sleep if you need to? No. You're living in someone else's house so are up at the crack of dawn because of their noise, you can't sleep in the day and you have to be on the ball because you're managing a building project?

Have a think about this - you are already subconsciously simply prioritising your DH over yourself, just BECAUSE.

The fact is that both of you have long exhausting days with lots to do.

You both need sleep.

However, your physical state means that you can't do a camp bed at the moment, on top of the fact that late pregnancy is hard in terms of sleeping/being comfortable anyway.

He doesn't have these issues and would get perfectly ok sleep on a camp bed, just as you would if you weren't pregnant.

Your 'D'H actually watched his heavily pregnant wife try to sleep on a camp bed mattress and didn't offer to take it instead?

What an absolute prince!

ToniHargis · 21/10/2019 09:59

I don't see any reason why you can't explain this to your FIL. It's not like it's forever but this could be a health issue for you if you continue to lose sleep. If you do it really gently, you might find that he has no idea it's bothering you.
If that doesn't work, I suggest ear plugs.

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