To remove myself from family WhatsApp

[ilovearcticroll]

We have recently started a family WhatsApp group so that we could send messages once rather than lots of times when arranging to meet up. My sil, who has a history of posting school reports and the like on Facebook, has now started to post test scores and frequent achievement updates for my nephew. I do like to hear about them, but it doesn't do my head any good to hear daily how marvellous he is. My mil will want to hear, and I'd expect her to want to, but I don't need that level of detail, particularly when I'm having a bad day with one of mine. When I share stuff, I do it by email or individual WhatsApp. Add to that the fact that it's always about my nephew, never my niece, despite both being on the group and I just can't bear it. AIBU just to remove myself from the group? Muting just isn't enough-it's still right up there on my list of messages.

[areyouafraidofthedark]

Just mute the notifications.

[Glitterypumkin]

Yanbu, just remove yourself, don’t announce it or anything. I hate what’s app groups

[Thismummyruns]

Just mute, you don't have to read

[Whataboutthattthen]

Muting is no good, still shows when you open chats to view another message.

Archiving also is no good. Once a new msg comes in the chat comes out of archive.

I sympathize op, I get about 20 msgs a day of SILs “ oh so cute” babies.

Only way out of the group is death or divorce

[ilovearcticroll]

It's a shame really-I have found WhatsApp groups to be great for quick info sharing. I am very much "when they want to know about my dc they'll ask" but maybe that's because I'm hyper aware of how seeing other people's celebrations at the wrong moment can feel.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Be passive-aggressive and ask about your niece, just something casual like 'is DN away, you haven't posted about her for ages'. And a smiley face.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Deffo ask about your niece. Can’t stand golden child scenarios.

[ilovearcticroll]

It'd be so pointed though, wouldn't it? Scrabbling around for a reason to leave the group that isn't equally pointed!!

[RandomTunesRock]

Ask about your niece.

[StoorieHoose]

These are your in-laws? Leave and get your husband to join instead

[MondeoFan]

I think you sound a bit mean tbh. Just because you're having a bad day why can't someone else celebrate their child's achievements

[Mummyoflittledragon]

No not pointed. “That is great x is doing so well. What is y enjoying at school / still playing z sport / instrument?” Etc.

[ilovearcticroll]

I can understand why I sound mean, Mondeo. Believe me, I've lovingly celebrated lots of things at painful times (babies while undergoing fertility treatment, that kind of thing) and I don't begrudge any success. I just need to plough through what I'm doing sometimes without constantly hearing daily updates. They add to my anxiety about my own children, rather than being sources of envy.

[ilovearcticroll]

I think we used to be able to choose when to celebrate more that we used to and info was less frequent. A birth announcement card from relatives and close friends, a call from the closet and a photo in the post, a catch up phone call or when you meet up. It's not always easy to manage the constant updates that some people like to give.

[Drum2018]

Leave the group. I assume your Dh is part of it so there really is no need for you to be in it too. Surely if there are any family events he can consult with you about them. If anyone asks why you left just say Dh is still on it, no further explanation.

[Redspider1]

Do you not share good things about your DC?

[ilovearcticroll]

Red spider, I generally wait to be asked. No particular reason really, just don't see the need to constantly share.

[Redspider1]

@Disfordarkchocolate that’s nasty.

[Redspider1]

Heads-up for you-People are different.

[ilovearcticroll]

That's not strictly true-it's partly for the reason that I don't like frequent updates!! So I'd be a hypocrite if I shared my dc's stuff all the time!! I email grandparents with more stuff spontaneously.

[Redspider1]

I personally don’t do Facebook or Instagram but do share on family WhatsApp because they are family and I assume they are interested. I’m interested in my family.

[AtrociousCircumstance]

Get your H to join the group, then leave it. If anyone asks, just laugh and say oh I don’t know how I did that! But DH lets me know all the info.

[Aderyn19]

I think it's just the nature of family group chats. If you leave you will cause offence because it will be noticed. Up to you whether you care or not

[ilovearcticroll]

Red Spider, I guess it depends a bit on the family dynamic. Reflecting on it all, I guess there've been years and years of hearing huge amounts of detail about nephew and little about niece and, if I'm honest, having our news rebutted with an anecdote about nephew when he did similar. It might be completely different otherwise. I'm used to it, but don't necessarily embrace it coming in a new format.

[Redspider1]

It will say “Ilovearcticroll left the group”