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Is it okay for your OH to text another woman saying I love you?

(155 Posts)
Mirrors123 Sat 19-Oct-19 20:01:56

My OH has messaged his girl mate and said 'I love you lots' she is a really attractive successful business woman. I really don't think that this is okay. I've met her once. He is saying I'm being really unreasonable but how would he feel if I messaged an attractive male friend saying that I loved him?

Ricekrispie22 Sat 19-Oct-19 20:02:52

Not unless it’s his mother.

TheHodgeoftheHedge Sat 19-Oct-19 20:04:44

No. Fuck no. Do you really need to ask?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 19-Oct-19 20:05:22

It's not ok, no. If he loves her, then dare I ask why he's with you instead of her? Does he tell you he loves you?

AuntieStella Sat 19-Oct-19 20:05:46

If the girl is his DD, or the woman is his DMum, then it's fine.

Other than that, then WTF

Mirrors123 Sat 19-Oct-19 20:05:52

It's an ex work colleague. He says he doesn't fancy her and it was "in context" but I'm like wtf? He's making it seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

Yeahnahyeah1 Sat 19-Oct-19 20:06:18

Absolutely fucking not.

SaveTheTreesPlease Sat 19-Oct-19 20:06:51

FFS, no! I can’t even think of a context where that would be acceptable if the woman is not his mother. How did he explain himself OP?!

BertsFriend Sat 19-Oct-19 20:07:51

Agree with pp, only if it's his mum, daughter or sister. Otherwise it's just wrong.

SaveTheTreesPlease Sat 19-Oct-19 20:07:57

He's making it seem like I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

There’s an even bigger red flag IMO

Mirrors123 Sat 19-Oct-19 20:08:00

He said its a good friend of his and that she's having a difficult time. I think it was a drunk text but for me that's worse as drunk messages are sober thoughts.

Lemonlimesoda Sat 19-Oct-19 20:08:08

Could be seen as cheating AND gaslighting. Don’t stand for it or have him make out it’s ok

Catsinthecupboard Sat 19-Oct-19 20:08:29

No. It is not okay.

But explain it to him in a non-accusitory way.
I.e. i don't feel comfortable with this.

Not: you're a big dope who obviously loves her more than me.

TwoIsNotBetterThanOne Sat 19-Oct-19 20:08:33

It would make me feel uneasy to be honest, but I'd make myself trust him because if you don't trust your partner then there's no point in being with him.

WhenYouCantRunYouCrawl Sat 19-Oct-19 20:08:57

This is not OK OP. Not at all.

FinnBalorsAbs Sat 19-Oct-19 20:09:19

Could you read the context? Was she having some kind of existential crisis about how everyone in the world hated her and she was totally unloveable?

Actually even then, I’d say not.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 19-Oct-19 20:09:41

Does he tell you he loves you?

Stressedout10 Sat 19-Oct-19 20:09:42

Big fat NO its cheating imo

WhiskeyLullaby Sat 19-Oct-19 20:10:01

Are they really close friends,have been for a long time etc?
If yes,a bit iffy but not unusual. There are many types of love.
If no, it's a lot iffy,especially with the added "drunken text" thing.

MissingDietCoke Sat 19-Oct-19 20:10:02

Hang on before you panic. I tell my best friends I love them regularly (because I do). One is a man. I genuinely, absolutely love him. But it's a very different love to the way I love my husband. My husband knows him well, and I know his wife though. Its never been an issue to my knowledge.

I suppose it's all about the context.

Savingforarainyday Sat 19-Oct-19 20:10:19

Is it like
Attractive woman: " everyone has forgotten about me, no one loves me, lol"
( lol is for effect)
OPs DH: aw, don't be silly, I still loves ya.

Obviously grasping at straws, but what is the context?

Mirrors123 Sat 19-Oct-19 20:10:42

He let me read all the messages and it's basically that she's having a shit time and he got drunk tonight and text her like "I'm worried about you and I love you lots"

raspberryk Sat 19-Oct-19 20:12:44

I tell my female friends I love them, if I had a close male friend I would also tell them, especially if they're having a hard time.
Nothing wrong with that in the context given in my opinion.

feelingsinister Sat 19-Oct-19 20:14:40

I tell my close friends I love them a lot. I'm probably a bit more free with this when I've had a few drinks. I do have a male friend who I've said I love you to, maybe by text but probably more likely when out with them.

I think the context is important, if this is your only worry about this friendship then I can't see an issue. Not every man is having an affair and falling for their colleagues, honestly!

SafetyAdvice0FeedWhenAgitated Sat 19-Oct-19 20:14:43

Your last update sounds fine if she is really having shit time and he worries.
The word love isn't just for couples and immediate family.

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