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AIBU?

Drinking drugs and smoking whilst being pregnant?

454 replies

pennygirl26 · 19/10/2019 13:11

I know someone who is due her baby in Dec. She only found out a few weeks ago she is pregnant.

She had very openly continued to smoke cigarettes and joints,but has been drinking also saying its not anything worse than what she's done in the past 6 months. She's also still taking coke every now and again. What can I do about this? I feel sick every time I see her. The other night I caught her buying a half bottle. It's just so dicgusting I don't know who to go to as I don't want her to know its me.

OP posts:

Report

pennygirl26 · 19/10/2019 22:48

Anyone?

OP posts:

Tableclothing · 19/10/2019 22:50

You can report it to Social Services if you want - it is possible for them to work for the safety of unborn children.

PurpleDaisies · 19/10/2019 22:50

What can I do about this?

Nothing. It’s her body.

What sort of relationship do you have with her?

PurpleFlower1983 · 19/10/2019 22:54

She’s a disgrace but I’m not sure there is much you can do about it

HeyitsPorscha · 19/10/2019 22:54

Absolutely report to SS they will monitor her for the rest of the pregnancy and afterwards

Vehivle · 19/10/2019 23:00

Report to ss. I did case work for unborns due to maternal drug use all the time. SS can help.

ViciousJackdaw · 19/10/2019 23:12

Am I right in thinking she only discovered she was pregnant after she'd passed the legal limit date? If this is the case then the choice about whether to continue with the pregnancy or not has been removed from her and she is, in effect, being forced to give birth.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning drug and alcohol use during pregnancy but rather than thinking about yourself and how you feel, try and imagine how she feels. There's every chance she might not actually want this baby yet she has no choice.

PumpkinP · 19/10/2019 23:13

I thought this was someone I know until you mentioned the coke. She regularly drinks and smokes weed through her pregnancy also due in December. If you say anything to her she gets upset.

Countryescape · 20/10/2019 00:41

Report her.

Champagnetaste · 20/10/2019 00:57

Report, report, report

Sorry but I have seen the affect this has on children and I urge you not to ever stand by and let this happen.

This child will have to live with the aftermath for life. They are innocent and deserve to have a chance in life.

Please do not be the bystander who let this go, you’ll be no better than the mother’

pennygirl26 · 20/10/2019 01:01

I really want to do something about it. This isn't her 1st child and isn't the 1st time she has found out at a later stage. I just can't understand why she would do that to her own baby. I don't care if I have any relationship with her or not. Just would rather her not know its me.

OP posts:

Ponoka7 · 20/10/2019 07:58

"I just can't understand why she would do that to her own baby"

Either addiction or the dismissal of there being any harm in what she is doing.

The studies on occasional alcohol and cocaine are inconclusive.

As for canabis, which we know is definitely dangerous to a developing baby, no Pot smoker believes that it is dangerous. It's marketed asca safe drug and everyone feeds into that. Which allows smokers to stay in denial.

Unfortunately, the damage is done. The worry now with the cocaine is that there's a higher risk of the placenta detatching and other serious complications around early/spontaneous labour.

Make the phone call, that's all you can do. They'll assess her home life etc and decide if they want to proceed with drug testing.

AlpacaGoodnight · 20/10/2019 08:41

Report

Praiseyou · 20/10/2019 08:44

Am I right in thinking she only discovered she was pregnant after she'd passed the legal limit date? If this is the case then the choice about whether to continue with the pregnancy or not has been removed from her and she is, in effect, being forced to give birth.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning drug and alcohol use during pregnancy but rather than thinking about yourself and how you feel, try and imagine how she feels. There's every chance she might not actually want this baby yet she has no choice.

What did I just read?

Millions of people are in situations where they have to do things they don't want to do but it doesn't give them free reign to abuse other people.

If she is past the legal limit for abortion, the foetus has a right to life and therefore a right not to be subjected to harmful substances.

If she was drugging her elderly mum who she had caring responsibilities for, would you think the same.

spice3 · 20/10/2019 08:45

Report to SS, I agree.

Meganc559 · 20/10/2019 08:49

I'm curious how is pot worse than alcohol and cocaine,
There is proof that alcohol is really bad for the baby, you get told that in higher biology,
And cocaine well it must be bad as it's really bad for the mother so god knows what it does to the baby

This women sounds like she needs to keep her legs closed as I can assume she's not with any of the children's fathers

Velveteenfruitbowl · 20/10/2019 08:52

You need to report to social services. The baby will likely suffer complications and require additional support after birth.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 20/10/2019 08:54

Another one saying report to social services. You can keep it anonymous. They will monitor. When I worked in Sheffield there was a specialist midwife for those with drug and alcohol problems. I would think other trusts have one too.

GingersAreLush · 20/10/2019 08:55

Has she seen her midwife yet? I’m assuming she has? In which case the midwife will very possibly already have concerns that have been passed on to the relevant people.

Am I right in thinking she only discovered she was pregnant after she'd passed the legal limit date? If this is the case then the choice about whether to continue with the pregnancy or not has been removed from her and she is, in effect, being forced to give birth.

^ this too. I actually feel quite sorry for her- and I would never smoke, drink or take drugs during pregnancy.

PurpleDaisies · 20/10/2019 08:59

If she is past the legal limit for abortion, the foetus has a right to life and therefore a right not to be subjected to harmful substances.

The foetus doesn’t. It isn’t considered as a person with legal rights until it’s born.

Misread the op and thought she was drinking coke (as in Coca Cola). SS would be appropriate so she can be given support to make better choices while she’s pregnant.

Meganc559 · 20/10/2019 09:26

@purpledaisies are you serious! Do you know how developed that baby is, so it's only a viable life if it reaches full term? If that baby was born today it has a very strong possibility that its going to live,
Who cares about 'legal rights' its not the babies fault it was conceived.
I can't believe people are feeling sorry for her because she's only just found out and she couldn't have an abortion in time! She's been pregnant before she knows how it feels, chances are she probably knew but didn't want to stop her lifestyle so kept it quiet for a while,

This women needs to stop having un protected sex and stop putting these babies through this!

seaweedandmarchingbands · 20/10/2019 09:29

Who cares about 'legal rights'

Me.

PurpleDaisies · 20/10/2019 09:31

@Meganc559 yes, I know exactly how developed the foetus is. I really hope any woman in that position would choose to stop using drugs etc. Bit what’s the alternative? You can’t put women in prison until they give birth in case they make bad choices. That’s the Handmaid’s tale...

Meganc559 · 20/10/2019 09:31

Well you must be a very compassionate person 🙄

You think that means it's OK for this baby to be subject to the drugs and god knows what else from this 'mother'

misspiggy19 · 20/10/2019 09:32

Reporting her to Social Services. Disgusting woman.

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