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Should I apologise

(137 Posts)
CannotbearsedRN Fri 18-Oct-19 23:36:01

Background 35 weeks pregnant with twins massive, exhausted and sore.

‘D’P has his son this weekend who is 10 DP was working today and I was picking up DSS from school along with my DD (6). First DSS has been to stay in a few months as there have been issues with his mum. So I made sure we had a nice night planned with Halloween activities etc.

DP then rang to say he was being kept on in work until 10 so I told DSS who cried as he missed his dad. I continued on with the planned activities dss had a toilet accident (which I have tried to get DP to sort out but there is no improvement) I cleaned that up text DP to tell him
And he said I was ‘getting at him’.

DSS then started playing his game console online which I really really don’t agree with kids gaming online so mentioned this to DP and he said his mum lets him. So I said yes but this is our house we have our rules...he replied saying he didn’t want to rock the boat as he’s only back. Which I just think is ridiculous parenting so he told me to sort it but I didn’t feel comfortable enough.

It got to 930 and DD was exhausted so I put her to bed then told DSS his bed time would be 1030. I finally sat down at 1045 with a cuppa and half hour later DP comes in (finally) and because said that I was rude as I didn’t reply to his message on the way home. No thanks for sorting out everything today nothing. He went for a shower and I’ve just heard him get into bed. Wtaf is his problem! He has never had my DD all evening and I know he would no bother but I would at least be a little grateful. Apparently I’m just miserable and I probably am but I am exhausted all the time. Should I just bite the bullet and go in and apologise?

Wildorchidz Fri 18-Oct-19 23:38:48

My sympathies are with the 10 year old boy who seems very low down the list of his father’s priorities.

Jupiters Fri 18-Oct-19 23:38:55

No, you have nothing to apologise for.

Wildorchidz Fri 18-Oct-19 23:39:58

Hopefully he will be a better father to the twins.

Smelborp Fri 18-Oct-19 23:40:37

Why on earth would you apologise?

TORDEVAN Fri 18-Oct-19 23:40:50

No YANBU, well done for doing all that whilst pregnant with twins! I only made 34+6 and was a beached whale for a few weeks before!

Dieu Fri 18-Oct-19 23:41:10

Poor boy sad

judithandholofernes Fri 18-Oct-19 23:41:20

Do not apologise. He’s probably tired and annoyed that he missed out on time with his son. He could be irritated that you seemed unenthusiastic about DSS in the texts.

However you’re human and need to rant. No apology is needed.

He should be grateful that you stepped up and covered his absence. Treat yourself to a lie in tomorrow & a long bath. DH can entertain both kids.

CannotbearsedRN Fri 18-Oct-19 23:43:13

I felt very sorry for the dss tonight too and his dad is still getting up in the morning to go do his hobby and dss is going to his grandparents for the day. I would keep him but DD is going to her dads and I have lots to get done for the new arrivals

EKGEMS Fri 18-Oct-19 23:43:56

Personally I'd lose the partner and keep the kids

NearlyGranny Fri 18-Oct-19 23:48:00

"DP has his son this weekend. "

No, he doesn't, does he? You have him and his DGPs have him and DP carries on as if it's everyone's job but his. When does the poor lad get time with his DF?!

Wildorchidz Fri 18-Oct-19 23:48:42

He’s utterly useless

CannotbearsedRN Fri 18-Oct-19 23:48:47

Actually DP and DSS are meeting his parents for breakfast tomo morning before his hobby. DD and I are not invited I haven’t kicked off about that...

Wildorchidz Fri 18-Oct-19 23:49:32

Are you hoping he will change when the twins are born?

Wildorchidz Fri 18-Oct-19 23:50:16

How long have you been with him?

CannotbearsedRN Fri 18-Oct-19 23:53:56

I am actually getting more pissed off that he couldn’t even mutter a thanks to me when he got in

Wildorchidz Fri 18-Oct-19 23:57:38

Good luck with him
I’d say you’ll need it

maddening Sat 19-Oct-19 00:06:58

Leave your dh a message to tell him his son seems quite sad and just this once it would do him good to put his hobby down and be there for his son.

7yo7yo Sat 19-Oct-19 00:09:38

I feels sorry for the DSS and for you.
Sounds like DSS is better of without his dad in his life if the idiot keeps prioritising his hobby and work before his kid!

SummerWhisper Sat 19-Oct-19 00:16:09

You're 35 weeks pregnant and he didn't ask how you are?

Make sure he tends to his son tomorrow morning, not you. If he is a decent bloke, he will take you a cuppa up whilst you have a lie-in. If he ignores you, then perhaps you need to start noticing who is the most important person in his life because reading your thread, it sounds like it's him, not his child, not you, not his soon-to-be-born twins. Are you sure he was working?

Aroundnabout1 Sat 19-Oct-19 00:19:38

What hobby would u chose over your son?

Aunaturalmama Sat 19-Oct-19 00:21:32

I mean....most of us have been that pregnant before. Do you guys not remember having an attitude and being annoyed all the time? Lashing out with a tone and not knowing it?
I bet you were being kind of rude. Maybe he was a tad rude too but if you’re not comfortable enough to care for his child and make parenting choices, why are you getting on him about said parenting? (The toilet I mean...you didn’t have to text him about the accident)

Aunaturalmama Sat 19-Oct-19 00:22:54

But also he seems like an arse. We’re all entitled to bad days though and unfortunately when you have a bad day with a pregnant wife it’s the end of the world lol I get it I’m currently pregnant

DrFoxtrot Sat 19-Oct-19 00:32:34

Sounds like a difficult day all round, you exhausted and heavily pregnant doing your best, him irritated at having to stay at work and having to respond to several texts, all of which sounded negative/ fraught. You've both had one of those days and I think the only person apologising should be DH to DSS for the missed time, with a promise to spend time with him tomorrow instead of his hobby.

Ginfordinner Sat 19-Oct-19 00:38:10

What is it with men and their hobbies. Can't he miss it for this week to spend time with his son?

Is he going to continue to spend as much time doing his hobby after the twins have been born?

krankykittykat Sat 19-Oct-19 00:40:35

Are you not worried hes going to be a shit father to your twins like he is to his son?

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 00:50:24

My Dd father is shit so I’ve spent the last six years doing mummy and daddy it’s not really phasing me if I have to do it to 3. DP is ruined by his mother had his DS at 21 so she kind of did everything for them. I have always said he needs to make more parenting choices and am hopeful because he is older he may bond?!! Better with these babies and step up.

Also we were texting throughout the evening it wasn’t me randomly texting when things went ‘wrong’ I was telling him all parts of the evening. I would love to parent DSS as I think both parents don’t want to be the bad guy so there are no real rules he’s to follow. But I don’t feel comfortable incase he stops coming again and then it will be my fault for being too strict.

I don’t feel I am strict and the rules I would have are same for DD too e.g. no devices in bedrooms, eat all dinner before treats, McDonalds is a special treat not every bloody time you see a drive thru (this is what DSS thinks) so I don’t feel I am a wicked step mum but I would be made to feel it

WorriedSENMum Sat 19-Oct-19 00:51:27

He sounds like a right one. hmm Can see why his relationship with DSS mum broke down. Feel so sorry for poor DSS & you & the twins too. This guy is a selfish waste of space! sad

TheSerenDipitY Sat 19-Oct-19 01:33:34

after reading above... when the twins are born id be leaving him off the BC and giving them my last name.... as he is not going to change, his cycling/running/gaming hobby will ALWAYS come first

OooErMissus Sat 19-Oct-19 01:33:44

You have every red flag waving madly to show this man actually IS already a massively sub-standard father, so you decide to get pregnant to him....? confused

PerkyPomPoms Sat 19-Oct-19 01:51:57

He’s a waste of space! His poor son!

buckeejit Sat 19-Oct-19 02:04:25

He's a dick,you should be able to
Talk & agree on rules for all dc.

whywhywhy6 Sat 19-Oct-19 02:16:10

I’m surprised you’re in a relationship with him, let alone having children with him, given you’ve had ample opportunity to see his parenting skills (or lack of) first hand.

I’m genuinely sad for his son, but I have little sympathy for you given you chose this person to be in your life.

I know that’s harsh. I’m sorry. But you need to have a look at things before these babies arrive, and have some frank conversations with him.

HappyDinosaur Sat 19-Oct-19 02:49:54

He needs to grow up and realize that he made the decision to become a father, step father, father to be and partner, frankly he does not have time for hobbies right now. Go out somewhere in the morning before he does and leave him to enjoy the company of his son for the day, perhaps he can join in the hobby with him, it will be good practice for him to actually be a father for once.

SnowyRacoon Sat 19-Oct-19 02:53:27

So has he even bothered seeing his son?

JenniferM1989 Sat 19-Oct-19 03:01:02

So he worked late tonight and is going out tomorrow so he's basically going to have seen his son for all of a couple of hours? For the first time in months?

He sounds very selfish OP and perhaps you can see why the relationship is strained with his ex. That poor boy. Your P (he doesn't really deserve DP does he?) sounds like an avoidant father. Here's you running around double pregnant at 35 weeks as well and no thanks. At least you're already prepared to do it all alone again as it sounds like you might have to

Penelopeschat Sat 19-Oct-19 03:01:35

A man who isn’t able to parent his current child is not going to ‘step up’ as you hope @CannotbearsedRN and be a great Dad to his new children. It just doesn’t work that way.
I feel very very sad for your step son. I hope his Dad can see he deserves to feel wanted and have his parent spend time with him. Definitely he should come before a weekend hobby. It’s shocking your DP is hobbling Saturday instead of parenting.

HouseworkAvoider10 Sat 19-Oct-19 03:13:08

I wouldn't have gotten pregnant with him because he obviously doesn't care about his kids.
but its too late now, so the best thing would be to ditch him and get on with you own life, because he'll never change.

Creepster Sat 19-Oct-19 03:21:59

I am so sorry.

Italiangreyhound Sat 19-Oct-19 04:15:15

CannotbearsedRN I am very sorry for you. Looks like you are going to bringing up twins with a man who cannot do much and is unpleasant as well. Very sorry. Maybe there are reasons his ex isn't very nice to him.

Please do not apologize. he should be apologizing to all of you.

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 08:01:13

I don’t regret getting pregnant at all I’m very excited about my babies.

I have spoken to him lots of times about spending more QT time with DSS but I always got ‘his granny needs to see him too’ and the granny always always makes sure P gets to do his hobby no matter what.

We had a talk this morning and I said he shouldn’t be doing the hobby today we are also out tonight for my mums bday meal so his solution is he’ll do his hobby then keep DSS tonight rather than stay in his granny’s and skip my mums meal. It’s kids free me and my siblings for our kids all minded I’m not going to start it’s his choice I think I’m just beyond caring right now. He always says how unreasonable I am when I pull him up on his behaviour

SurfingGiantess Sat 19-Oct-19 08:11:02

He's not putting his son first! That's really sad. His hobby seems to come before everything. I'd be furious. He cannot do his hobby because his son was in tears last night cause he misses his dad!!!! Not his granny!!! That's just his excuse it's redicilous behaviour.
That's probably why he stopped seeing his dad because he doesn't want to see his son.
Your partner seems to offload him onto you and his mother and feel entitled to it too. No thanks or sorry? That's not the actions of a good father/ man.

emilybrontescorsett Sat 19-Oct-19 08:18:10

He is going to do his hobby today and therefore pass his step down over to his mother 😡 after not seeing his son yesterday.
What is the point?
Once dss gets older he will probably not bother with his dad and who would blame him.
This is inexcusable behaviour.
Your dh sounds terrible.

TheFatberg Sat 19-Oct-19 08:20:30

Those are crazy late bedtimes for a 6 and 10 year old.

SummerWhisper Sat 19-Oct-19 08:23:25

He will be a father of 4 in a few weeks, including your daughter. He is a shit, unreliable parent and an uncaring, selfish, entitled man who gaslights you. He may have some good points, but perhaps you should think about whether you need a strained relationship with this man or to focus on being the only carer for your children with him dipping in and out over the years with no responsibility towards your joint children and certainly no parenting skills. Congratulations on your pregnancy and your children are lucky to have a committed, caring, responsible mother flowers

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 08:23:58

It was a treat night as DSS hadn’t been here for a while my Dd is usually in bed far far earlier.

MRex Sat 19-Oct-19 08:26:48

I couldn't be with a man who doesn't love their own child, and his every action makes that clear. Let the poor boy stay just with his mum rather than keep being forced to feel the full weight of that arsehole's disinterestedness.

It was obviously a big mistake to get pregnant by such a heartless man, but what's done is done. It would be better for your twins if you separate before they get to know him, you're setting them up for a lifetime of disappointment otherwise. Start planning now and separate at the time that works for you and your kids.

Pharlapwasthebest Sat 19-Oct-19 08:28:39

@TheFatberg
Pretty sure she wasn’t asking for advice on their bedtimes

emilybrontescorsett Sat 19-Oct-19 08:30:11

A treat night for Dss, yet he didn't see his dad.

Wildorchidz Sat 19-Oct-19 08:30:53

And what do you think your daughter is absorbing from your? Her own father is shit. Now it seems that your current partner is shit. Do you want her making shit choices too when she is an adult?

theendoftheendoftheend Sat 19-Oct-19 08:37:26

I think people are catastrophizing a bit here.

I can see why you are annoyed though. At least you have a day to yourself today, make the most of it before the twins arrive!

theendoftheendoftheend Sat 19-Oct-19 08:37:59

Oh and don't appologise!

Pardonwhat Sat 19-Oct-19 08:39:09

That poor little boy sad

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 08:52:50

I know it wasn’t much of a treat night as his dad wasn’t there but I thought it was best to stick to the original plan as much as possible.

I have just heard him on the phone to his mum they are getting ready to go to his now and you can tell it’s a big sympathy phone call because he worked so late last night. So no matter my stance on his time with his son his mum ‘over rules’ it if you know what I mean

Pringlesfortea Sat 19-Oct-19 08:55:04

Why are you having more kids with this looser who clearly gives no fucks about the 2 he is supposed to playing dad to..
Hate to say this ,but you’d be better as a single mum

RhiWrites Sat 19-Oct-19 08:56:18

The hobby comes first then? He’s pretty selfish, isn’t he?

These threads are so depressing. Nothing will change. OP will do all the childcare for this man’s children, and the housework and the emotional labour. Meanwhile he will do exactly what he wants. But she won’t leave. She’ll cling to the occasional moment of affection and tell everyone he’s a brilliant partner and dad.

Slappadabass Sat 19-Oct-19 08:56:51

That poor little lad! Surely if you hadn't seen your child in a while you would want to spend every second possible with them, not work late and then go out the following day. Sounds to me like he doesn't really give a crap about his DS.
And don't excuse him because he was a young dad, I was a teen mum and my DD was/is my world, I was young but it didn't mean I was any less of a mother and I did it all with no help, she was always with me and I was a proper parent to her, young doesn't equal crap, if you want to put the effort in you will no matter the age.
Fingers crossed he will be better with your twins but I doubt it unfortunately.

Pringlesfortea Sat 19-Oct-19 08:57:12

You op
Sound like you actually have your head screwed on..how did you end up with a dh so different in parenting styles from yourself

WhoKnewBeefStew Sat 19-Oct-19 08:59:32

So his dad hasn't seen him for a while and he's going off to do his hobby this morning, whilst dss gets shipped off to grandparents - fucking bang out of order. He needs to man up and be a bloody parent. No wonder his mum isn't happy with him spending time with him

ShitOnIt78 Sat 19-Oct-19 09:11:04

Your DP is a fucking selfish prick. If my DH put his hobby over his kids I'd leave him, simple as that. Thst poor boy sad

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 09:17:05

They have both left for breakfast with granny (that me and DD weren’t invited too) and I have got a sarky text because I didn’t go down and say goodbye to DSS I am in bed watching TV with DD. I am not replying to any of his messages all day

quietheart Sat 19-Oct-19 09:20:36

Sounds like the issues are with your DP not your DSS mum, poor boy and as for you wanting to parent him? What, as well as your DD, twins and DP, who you are hoping will step up and bond confused

He is taking you for granted and he’s hardly going to grow up in the next week or two is he?

emilybrontescorsett Sat 19-Oct-19 09:21:12

There are red flags flapping all over the place here op.

What’s done is done.

Take care if yourself and put yourself and children first.

ToastyFingers Sat 19-Oct-19 09:29:00

He sounds like a pathetic mummy's boy and an unfit father. Does he have any good points?

Cryalot2 Sat 19-Oct-19 09:31:56

flowers you seem to have a lot on your plate.
You are heavily pregnant ( congratulations btw.) You made the best of the night with dss when his father put work first.
He should be more supportive to you given you are pregnant. It is very rude of dhs mother not to have you and dd there. Ypur dp seems to be tied to his mums apron strings. It looks as though she is making things worse by spoiling him and letting him have no responsibilities only his hobby
You need to think what you want for the future of you and your children and have a long calm chat with your dp.
He has treated both you and his son badly and expects you to apologise! He really does have a problem.
Enjoy your day.

GabriellaMontez Sat 19-Oct-19 09:37:25

Apologise for what?shock

SummerWhisper Sat 19-Oct-19 09:59:06

He sent you a snarky text because you, pregnant with twins and looking after his son later than the hours that he worked, are having a bit of mummy time with your daughter but you should prioritise his son?

Tell him when he starts putting his son first, you will folliw suit. Tell him he made time to send you a snarky text but didn't make time to send you a text or thank you to your face for being the parent until 10.30 last night when he should have been spending time with his son and you should have been resting.

Tell him you are glad he thinks his son is a priority, which obviously means he won't be doing his hobby today so that he can make up for lost time. Tell him if he doesn't take responsibility for his children any day soon, you will be booking him a one-way ticket to Twatsville, where he belongs.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant Sat 19-Oct-19 10:01:27

Jesus this 'relationship' if you can call it that, had disaster written all over it. What possessed you to get pregnant with a man like this? You don't sound particularly invested though tbh, so I singe you're equally as happy single parenting three kids as one? Because that's going to be your reality in two years, tops.

C0untDucku1a Sat 19-Oct-19 10:07:32

That poor boy. Were the issues with the boys mother that she knew his father wasnt actually going to do any Parenting? Because she would be right.

Your partner’s behaviour is appalling. He doesnt think he has to parent his children. Everyone else will do it for him. Being older wont make
A Difference, because this is the father he is. He doesnt see it as his job.

Do you work, op?

spanglydangly Sat 19-Oct-19 10:12:48

So, let me confirm DSS seeing his dad after a "break"

Friday night didn't see him, he was working late

Saturday morning, he is at GP and his Dad is at his hobby

Saturday evening, his dad planned a night out without him?

WHAT.A.SHIT.FATHER

you don't need to apologise but I'm seriously concerned about the future relationship. He's NEVER looked after your DD for an evening? Yet you live together?

Wildorchidz Sat 19-Oct-19 10:14:59

Here’s another 4 kids with messed up lives ahead of them

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead Sat 19-Oct-19 10:18:38

I agree @Wildorchidz sadly. Op, he just sounds like a completely useless selfish man. I appreciate you're excited to have your twins but it's just a pity you didn't find a decent guy to have them with - one bow actually gives a shit about you and the child he already has. You're heavily pregnant WITH TWINS & he is treating you like shit and walking all over you. He should be looking after you right now and making sure you're ok, not stressed and getting enough rest! Horrible horrible man!

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead Sat 19-Oct-19 10:19:12

*who, not bow!

Dollymixture22 Sat 19-Oct-19 10:20:05

Poor little boy.

Your partner sounds horrible - why are you bringing your little girl into this and having more child relationship with him.

There is a very unhappy little ten year old boy at the centre of this. He needs love and stability, sounds like his dad doesn’t give a fuck.

Oh and let him play computer games. The vast majority of ten year old boys do. As long as it’s not out of hand it’s perfectly normal. My nephew plays, it still top of his class and Is in lots of clubs.

Leave your partner before he can damage more children

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 10:22:09

Yes I work.

Wildorchidz my DD is a great well rounded child I have no concerns for her future or my twins as I will make sure it’s good.

There is only so much I can do for DSS his mum isn’t the greatest either he is raised by his other GPs when on her time. And he is allowed to do whatever he wants no real consequences. There is only so much I can do for DSS and I do that when he’s here but I have no say in other aspects of his life which are the fault of his F AND M,

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 10:23:31

He does play computer games it’s online gaming I don’t think is appropriate at 10 years old. Ear phones in who knows who they are conversing with

spanglydangly Sat 19-Oct-19 10:24:50

There is only so much I can do for DSS his mum isn’t the greatest either he is raised by his other GPs when on her time. And he is allowed to do whatever he wants no real consequences. There is only so much I can do for DSS and I do that when he’s here but I have no say in other aspects of his life which are the fault of his F AND M,

But your small input won't change his life, his mother and father are shit, the poor kid isn't going to be one well rounded by you telling him once in a blue moon to come off his gaming.

Dollymixture22 Sat 19-Oct-19 10:25:49

On the in-line gaming you can restrict it to his friends - it just needs parental controls.

My nephew can only talk to pre approved people. It’s his friends from school. We can hear them chatting away.

Is it fortnte?

mankyfourthtoe Sat 19-Oct-19 10:28:37

Dp
I'm unsure as to why you are upset.
It was your long awaited weekend with dss, you worked late and I parented him.
Today, you're going to x and your mum is parenting him.
Everyone is doing you favours.

Tbh I wouldn't have him unless dp was around or sorted childcare

NoSquirrels Sat 19-Oct-19 10:28:49

Your DP is a massive twat, and I’m sorry to say you should plan on having no real support with twins, as if he cannot prioritise a 10 year old he barely sees he won’t be happy about giving his time and energy to tiny exhausting newborns.

So please plan accordingly. Tell your family, tell your friends - you’re going to need their support, please, as much as possible for your DD and for yourself. Be honest, you’re worried and you’re going to need them.

Wildorchidz Sat 19-Oct-19 10:28:53

So will you be happy for your twins grandmother to be the person left to look after them while their father is off doing his hobby?

Windydaysuponus Sat 19-Oct-19 10:34:37

In future dss wouldn't be coming if his df isn't there. Cleaning up after a 10 yo is def not your responsibility....

KarmaStar Sat 19-Oct-19 10:35:12

flowersfor you op,at exactly the time you need love and support from your dp he is being a selfish fool.
When the dc are not there it's time for him to be told how exhausted you are and he needs to start being there for you and appreciating how hard everything seems carrying two babies around 24/7.
Full a rucksack with the equal weight of your babies and ask him to walk around doing chores for a few hours and see how he feels.
Put yourself and your dd first,have a nice day together today.
I hope he picks up and starts to appreciate and help out.

swingofthings Sat 19-Oct-19 10:41:49

Your SS was disappointed enough not to see his dad that he cried. He clearly terribly disappointed. You then do activities that are more aimed at 6yo than 10yo boys. Fair enough, but that would probably had made him feel ever sader. He then doesn't know what to do, is looking for something to distract himself from the sadness, and all you can do is think that he shouldn't be playing?

You call your OH at work to tell him that? Your OH probably felt bad, for you and even more for his son, and you pester him because he is playing games in the evening when he has nothing else to do? I'm not surprised he got annoyed with you and think you are miserable that you would focus your mental energy on that.

Of course he should have thanked you for looking after his ds, and probably would have if you hadn't pestered him with such pointless matter.

Sadly, his ds will probably decide not to have anything to do with his dad soon enough. That's what happens when fathers give so much priority to their kids, their kids feel let down and ultimately detached themselves from the parent always letting them down. Then the parent goes crying feeling sorry for themselves and of course blame everyone else but themselves for it. That's where your OH is heading.

Wildorchidz Sat 19-Oct-19 10:42:18

Full a rucksack with the equal weight of your babies and ask him to walk around doing chores for a few hours and see how he feels.

Wtf.

Dollymixture22 Sat 19-Oct-19 10:57:10

Tbh I am a little saddened that this thread is about you and not the little boy.

You have chosen to be with this selfish man who is clearly a very poor parent.

Your concern should be about the heartbroken little boy who got so upset he cried and wet himself. That is just dreadful. If I was cari g for this little man I would have been heartbroken for him.

Your main concern seems to be apologies and text messages.

He child needs counselling and better parents.

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 10:58:52

I did try to give DSS a good night. I was so tired and I hadn’t prepared myself yday that I’d be left looking after two kids. I probably shouldn’t have mentioned the gaming to P but it was a genera convo rather than me
Saying you have to sort this now!!

I asked DSS what he wanted to do when we found out his F wasn’t coming home in time he could
Stay, I’d leave him to his granny’s or back to his mums he said he wanted to stay. I’ve told P to stay with him tonight I will go to the meal alone and I’ll prob stay in my mums to give them a bit of QT together

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 10:59:26

He didn’t wet himself he had pooed himself in school and was like that when I collected him

LagunaBubbles Sat 19-Oct-19 11:08:27

My Dd father is shit so I’ve spent the last six years doing mummy and daddy it’s not really phasing me if I have to do it to 3

Thats really sad reading that.

Italiangreyhound Sat 19-Oct-19 12:04:50

Sone ridiculous and unpleasant comments aimed at you OP when the villain of the piece is your majority shitty partner.

swingofthings "Of course he should have thanked you for looking after his ds, and probably would have if you hadn't pestered him with such pointless matter."

Can't see any evidence that tgis 'd'p would be grateful or that the OP has done anything wrong.

Dollymixture the OP does appear to be upset about the boy but also for herself. Loads if women end up with lazy, unhelpful, unengaged men and I am fairly sure they don't see it coming. I don't think we can blame these women. I feel sorry for the OP her 'partner' is horrible and has left her to deal with a lot.

Italiangreyhound Sat 19-Oct-19 12:07:15

OP your partner needs to shape up. You should not have to raising four kids without his help.

cherrytreesa Sat 19-Oct-19 12:07:27

Those are crazy late bedtimes for a 6 and 10 year old

No they're not, they have no school in the morning. It is a thing on Mumsnet though that all children should be in bed at 7.30.

OP what's the issue with the toileting with DSS?

cherrytreesa Sat 19-Oct-19 12:08:41

Sorry, just seen your updates about the toileting

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 12:14:38

I have went on about the toileting issue for a while but nothings been done and I have no ‘rights’to bring him to his Gp

DoloresDingo Sat 19-Oct-19 12:21:44

The only people you should be apologising to is your children for choosing such feckless pricks to father them.

C0untDucku1a Sat 19-Oct-19 12:48:06

Definitely stay at your mums. Let him parent all day tomorrow.

Dollymixture22 Sat 19-Oct-19 12:48:46

A ten year old pooed himself at school?

That is a big issue which should be prioritised and addressed. I assume he is getting medical attention for this?

Windydaysuponus Sat 19-Oct-19 12:56:06

Back away from doing any sort of care for dss. If his df won't do it then you have your answer for his df skills.
You need to make plans for being a lp for your 3 dc. Please don't be in a hurry to hand over your twins to a hapless man...

pinkyredrose Sat 19-Oct-19 13:13:25

Why are you having more kids with him when he doesn't take much notice of the one he already has! I agree with other posters, that's one messed up kid.

CannotbearsedRN Sat 19-Oct-19 14:02:22

The pooing issue nothing is done app they looked into it a few years ago and it got sorted but sometimes comes back.

He text me from his hobby saying we need to have a serious discussion about where to go from here. I’ve told him I’m busy tonight so will have to be tomorrow. I just know how this will go he will tell me how I have handled everything wrong and how he is amazing

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