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21 yr old daughter doesnt want to contribute to our home financially

(408 Posts)
worcestershiremum Fri 18-Oct-19 22:43:15

my daughter totally refused to contribute to household financially,she paid a small amount last year,but just refuses and says i just want her for her ££,I paid my mum and dad from 16
any suggestions?
Im deff being taken for a mug

CodenameVillanelle Fri 18-Oct-19 22:43:58

Tell her to move out then! Give her notice and stick to it

OccamsRaiser Fri 18-Oct-19 22:44:05

Time for her to look at what it will cost to live out of home then!

SlightlyStaleCocoPops Fri 18-Oct-19 22:44:08

She can find somewhere else to live then 🤷‍♀️

TimeIhadaNameChange Fri 18-Oct-19 22:44:24

Give her a month's notice to move out.

smilethoyourheartisbreaking Fri 18-Oct-19 22:45:27

Depends if you can afford it surely

C0untDucku1a Fri 18-Oct-19 22:45:39

Why does she have the choice? You need to do some parenting here.

IHaveBrilloHair Fri 18-Oct-19 22:46:52

Off she goes then.
Why are you letting this happen?

Soontobe60 Fri 18-Oct-19 22:47:18

What job does she have? What (apart from the usual utilities / mortgage) do you pay for? When is she moving out? .?

MeTheeAndACupOfTea Fri 18-Oct-19 22:47:23

Then she will be happy to move out and pay her own way in life won't she.

cherryblossomgin Fri 18-Oct-19 22:48:25

Change the wifi password, If she refuses to contribute she doesn't get access.

DramaAlpaca Fri 18-Oct-19 22:48:40

You need to toughen up. Either she pays you a reasonable amount or she moves out. It's quite simple.

I got my working young adults to set up a weekly standing order from their bank accounts to mine, so I didn't need to nag them for money.

Mephisto Fri 18-Oct-19 22:48:44

Part of learning to be an adult is paying your way. She needs to contribute.

How much is she earning? I was paying my mum £200 per month.

GettingABitDesperateNow Fri 18-Oct-19 22:49:10

Sorry OP you're either the parent and tell her what to do...or you're the housemate who she owes her fair share. I'm pretty sure you know the answer here. There is no way of nicely persuading her. Because she is a spoiled selfish child

Witchofzog Fri 18-Oct-19 22:49:42

What an entitled brat. She needs to be given notice, then she will see what the real world is like

Thehop Fri 18-Oct-19 22:50:18

Doesn’t she?

Bless her. I don’t want to contribute to mine but it’s tough shit really!

Give her notice and stop doing anything for her. Bedroom radiator off unless she does
jobs in the house to pay her way until she goes. She wants a shower? She hoovers the lounge etc.

Wants some laundry? She irons your work trousers.

bridgetreilly Fri 18-Oct-19 22:50:41

What is her situation? I have more sympathy if, for example, she's still doing a medical degree which doesn't give her time to get a job as well, than if she's earning £40k/year.

BrigitsBigKnickers Fri 18-Oct-19 22:50:42

Don't cook- don't clean, don't buy food, change the password on the router. Don't let her use anything you buy in the house( washing powder/ shampoo etc) see how long she lasts. It depends on how much she earns but she should be contributing something.

amicissimma Fri 18-Oct-19 22:52:08

Poor thing! Sounds like she needs some good advice.

AnotherEmma Fri 18-Oct-19 22:52:27

Is she working, studying, what?
If I were you I'd find out the going rate for a lodger and tell her she can pay you that or move out. If you're being nice you could give her a month.

SunshineAngel Fri 18-Oct-19 22:52:35

She's an adult. While you quite clearly can't throw her out (probably not without feeling incredibly guilty, anyway), you can certainly stop her from eating food that you buy, or using the WiFi, or watching what she wants on the main TV. She should also never be allowed friends/boyfriends over. Basically don't do anything for her. Sorry, but at the age of 21 I wouldn't have dreamed of living at home without contributing. It's just so disrespectful to the people who raised you if you choose to do that.

EmmiJay Fri 18-Oct-19 22:55:03

Time to cut her off. Food, wifi, lifts (?), anything. She can pay her own way if thats the case. Shes 21 and has money, she'll do fine if she wsnts to leave home.

NoSquirrels Fri 18-Oct-19 22:55:46

Does she work or is she a student?

What are her plans for moving out?

Walnutwhipster Fri 18-Oct-19 22:58:39

You're not doing her any favours by allowing this. Tell her to move move out. I saved DS1's board for him (the only adult child yet) and gave it back when he bought a house at 23.

Bananalanacake Fri 18-Oct-19 22:59:07

when I was 21 my DM made it clear she expected me to move out. I was happy to as I wanted my own space. before then I was paying rent and doing cleaning and laundry and cooking family meals twice a week. it's normal to pay your way.

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