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Husband throwing curve balls

(70 Posts)
Daffodil101 Fri 18-Oct-19 20:37:16

I’d like an opinion whether I’m BU.

My husband works until about 7-8pm most fridays. It’s not part of his regular job but it earns extra money. It means I’m at home with the kids and TBH it’s a long and lonely Friday night most weeks. I hate it.

He sometimes picks up a take away on the way home. Not always.

Tonight I had planned and shopped for dinner. He texted at 6pm offering to get a take away. My friend was here, he offered to get her one, too but she was only popping by and wouldn’t still be there at 8pm. My younger daughter doesn’t like take away so I cooked her the planned meal, cleared away, loaded the dishwasher.

At 8pm he texted and said he would be at work for another hour. Then 45 minutes to get to the take away, then 15 mins home. So it would be 10pm when we ate.

I’m a bit pissed off. We are starving. I had a meal planned. I don’t think 10pm is dinner time. He’s angry with me for being pissed off. Says he can’t control what time he finishes work (which is true).

He suggested I do my own thing for myself and elder child and he will get himself a take away at 10pm. So I’ve got to get up now and cook a meal from scratch when I’ve just cleared away.

I’m just utterly pissed off that he’d throw my meal plans and then get irate with me when I’m pissed off. I’m knackered, I’m hungry. But I’m apparently in the wrong?

RandomWok Fri 18-Oct-19 20:39:09

Do any takeaways near you deliver?

ThePallidBustOfPallas Fri 18-Oct-19 20:39:25

I'd be a bit pissed off I suppose but you really don't have to get up and cook a full meal. Nobody will die from cheese or beans on toast or something equally quick and easy.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Fri 18-Oct-19 20:39:40

Yanbu but from now on I'd just suggest moving the take away to a night you can both eat together at a reasonable hour.

No way would I be "cooking from scratch" now though. This is what cheese on toast is made for.

ThreeLittleDots Fri 18-Oct-19 20:41:49

If he really can't help what time he can make it home then I don't see why you're so pissed off... Either have a snack and wait for your takeaway or cook yourself meal now?

Daffodil101 Fri 18-Oct-19 20:43:29

My elder daughter was out playing sport, she knew we were having take away, knows her sister had a proper meal and now she’s being told she’s getting beans on toast! It’s just the fuckwittery of it

Elieza Fri 18-Oct-19 20:44:48

If it’s not part of his regular job why can’t he just do overtime for a set amount of hours instead of thinking he could get away and then basically not being able to get away after all as presumably more work came in?

Could he not tell the boss he could do a set hour or two hours or something on a Friday but he can’t stay any later? So if anyone comes in to buy a (whatever he sells) after soansso time the answer will be no sorry we’re closed.

How much would that affect your income?

I’d be unwell if I didn’t eat regularly. I would be well annoyed with missing out on an expensive takeaway because I was too full of home cooking. The same home cooking I did every night anyway. It’s nice to get a treat. The other option would be to get it delivered and his share stays in its foil container in the oven til he gets home?

MrsGrindah Fri 18-Oct-19 20:45:38

What else do you expect him to do?

Witchinaditch Fri 18-Oct-19 20:46:03

He’s in the wrong I think most people would be pissed off with what he’s done

Daffodil101 Fri 18-Oct-19 20:47:12

I guess I expect him not to throw our plans with alternative plans that he then can’t carry out.

FineWordsForAPorcupine Fri 18-Oct-19 20:47:29

Order yourself and your daughter a takeaway (to be delivered) and eat it ASAP. If you're feeling kind, save some for your DP.

Daffodil101 Fri 18-Oct-19 20:49:21

(Hard to explain, it’s not overtime, it’s a healthcare related profession and he isn’t in control of what time it finishes. It depends how quickly others Friday he got home at 10.20pm when I had 15 teenagers having a party and he was supposed to be home at 7. It gets me down - I work, too)

ChicCroissant Fri 18-Oct-19 20:51:40

I think there is something else bothering you other than the (admittedly very late) takeaway, OP. If you don't know what time he is going to get home, I would cook for yourself and the children every Friday. It seems a bit passive to wait for the takeaway!

Mishfit0819 Fri 18-Oct-19 20:56:41

You are both hangry and taking it out on each other. Get some food, chill out and then talk about the real issue (his changeable working hours) tomorrow.

1Morewineplease Fri 18-Oct-19 21:00:09

Bloody hell.. just cook for you and kids and whoever is there... your OH can get his own. He is asking you if you need food as he’s not able to keep to your timetable. He is trying to be helpful.
He’s trying but it doesn’t fit in with your timetable. What do you actually want. He’s even trying to accommodate your friend.
You need to talk.

Daffodil101 Fri 18-Oct-19 21:00:10

I’m tired of doing everything I guess. It’s really really hard work when he’s out all the time. Exhausting. A take away is a nice treat, it’s ‘not cooking’ like every other night, but It’s annoyingly to offer that if you can’t do it.

I’m annoyed he’s pissed off with me for being pissed off!

I’m not passively waiting for a take away

Cherrysoup Fri 18-Oct-19 21:00:26

He should get something on the way home or you could plate up his meal if you’re cooking. You’re having to cook for the girls, anyway. Don’t wait til he gets home, that’s ridiculous.

Jimjamjong Fri 18-Oct-19 21:02:25

It seems to me that the Friday takeaway is not a good idea as it adds 45 minutes to his already late finish and extra stress to coordinate everything. Why not have a ready meal or something "easy" that you cook for everyone and then each person warms up their meal whenever they need/want to?

IHateWashingUp2 Fri 18-Oct-19 21:03:10

I agree mishfit - what else could he have done under the circs?

Tyersal Fri 18-Oct-19 21:05:06

Maybe just plan to feed yourself at a set time on a Fri in future and if your husband is free he can have some of not so be it. If he can't help what time he finishes it's not fair to be annoyed, just plan without him

Daffodil101 Fri 18-Oct-19 21:05:14

When I plate up a meal, he complains. He snapped at me a few weeks ago because I’d plated up a meal the night before. When I suggested playing up the second night, he snapped about not wanting ‘soggy veg that’s been in the warming drawer like last night.’

Sunshinegirl82 Fri 18-Oct-19 21:06:43

Are you very rural? I'd order Dominoes/curry and have done with it.

In future you might be better off getting a take away from the supermarket or something from Cook that you can just shove in the oven. A 45 minute detour after a late night at work seems like it's not really workable.

SummerInSun Fri 18-Oct-19 21:10:08

I think if he genuinely can't control when he finishes work, you are being unfair. He offered to do something nice, but work conspired to get in the way. He should just get the takeaway tomorrow to make up.

Whitejasmine Fri 18-Oct-19 21:10:11

I used to do this - dh would pick the takeout up on his way home usually resulting in me not eating until 8-9pm sometimes (I count calories and only have my 3 meals a day with no snacks so I like to eat dinner no later than 7pm)
Now I just order it to be delivered for 7pm and keep his warm until he gets home.

justthecat Fri 18-Oct-19 21:10:12

I’ve tried to respond twice and I’ve too much to say ! Short reply -ive waited as a child for parents to come home to be fed -didn’t happen . Married somebody who’s work is home in half hour then hours later - Yh got called out.
Fuck him - do you

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