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To think I'm not being a CF

(39 Posts)
RedskyLastNight Fri 18-Oct-19 11:29:52

I hadn’t given this a second thought until I started reading CF threads on MN, and now wondering if the other mum in this story might be silently seething.

DD (13) goes to an after school activity at her school. As it finishes at 4.30 (when it’s still light) and she has a 15 minute walk home through a quiet residential area (the same walk she does every day, to and from school) my assumption has always been that she just walks home after it.
DD has a friend that goes to the same activity and lives a few minutes’ walk/2 minutes’ drive away from us. Friend’s mum likes to pick her daughter up from the club in her car. She always offers DD a lift and DD always accepts.
Dropping DD at home probably adds less than a minute to her journey. I don’t feel the need to reciprocate because I don’t think the girls need a lift. I don’t expect or want DD’s friend’s mum to offer a lift. But am I, unbeknown to me, actually being a CF?

Nottobesoldseparately Fri 18-Oct-19 11:33:19

No, I don't think so.

Might be nice for your daughter to just give her an ad hoc gift every now and then though to say thanks.

A box of chocs, or bubble bath, something inexpensive she can buy herself.

MatildaTheCat Fri 18-Oct-19 11:34:12

No. Unless there was torrential rain or something I see no need to pick them up.

I used to walk my DC to school and a friend up the road drove hers. She often gave my two a lift which the accepted but I didn’t reciprocate as it wasn’t necessary in any way to drive. I don’t think she thought I was a a
CF but actually I don’t really care. It was better to walk.

If she ever makes a comment just tell your DD to decline further offers.

Ponoka7 Fri 18-Oct-19 11:40:41

No and the Mother probably doesn't want it reciprocated.

Hiw many of us would drive past a friend of our children's when we are going that way?

I think you're over thinking it.

Scarydinosaurs Fri 18-Oct-19 11:42:31

I’d much prefer my daughter to walk that distance. Why doesn’t the other girl walk it? Does she have a reason?

AmIThough Fri 18-Oct-19 11:46:19

No you're not a CF. Does your daughter always say thank you?

Just don't ever leave her daughter behind because that'd be mean

Hederex Fri 18-Oct-19 11:47:36

Nah you're fine. smile

Lifeisabeach09 Fri 18-Oct-19 11:50:29

I'd send a box of chocsand a thank you note for the thought.Just clarify in the note that you are happy for your DD to walk and a lift, though appreciated, is not required (in a nicer way).

MinisterforCheekyFuckery Fri 18-Oct-19 11:50:45

I don't think you're being a CF, no. But it is nice of the other mum to offer your DD lifts so you could get a bottle of wine or box of chocolates and have your DD give them to her at the end of term as a gesture of appreciation.

ShartGoblin Fri 18-Oct-19 11:52:02

Accepting an offer can't really be considered cheeky, it's when you start expecting it and complaining if it doesn't happen that you'd be in trouble. I do agree with the comments about a thank you gift though, it wouldn't be expected but I think I would do it just to be nice.

NoSquirrels Fri 18-Oct-19 11:54:47

It would actually be pretty hard for your DD to refuse a lift, and much more awkward. Unless DD mentions her friend or her mother have commented on it, then it’s cjeseky not really any of your business so you can’t possibly be a CF.

Pukkatea Fri 18-Oct-19 12:06:18

There are some people left in the world who don't mind giving lifts smile I think you should encourage your DD to walk, but if she wants to take the lift I agree, a box of chocs now and then as a thank you is lovely.

AryaStarkWolf Fri 18-Oct-19 12:06:25

No of course not, I'm sure the other mother doesn't mind if she's going anyway. You haven't asked her and your DD isn't relying on her, she can very easily walk

Cuppachino Fri 18-Oct-19 12:08:09

No you're not a CF. You have never asked her to do this.

gingersausage Fri 18-Oct-19 12:08:58

I’d tell my daughter to walk from her friend’s house rather than get dropped at home. There’s no reason for the other mum to drive your daughter door to door.

AryaStarkWolf Fri 18-Oct-19 12:09:45

Sometimes I give my DSs friends lifts home, I never think it's expected or even that the parents would know about it as they clearly expect them to walk

Bouffalant Fri 18-Oct-19 12:16:41

I don't think that's CF. But it would be kind of you to pass on a bottle of prosecco or box of chocs to the mum to say thank you for offering.

UpToonGirl Fri 18-Oct-19 12:24:26

The CF threads are full of people ASKING the op to do something which usually impacts a fair amount on their day. This is someone OFFERING to do something which doesn't seem to have a big impact therefore I wouldn't say you were being a CF at all.

I would get the mum a little something at xmas time to say thank you. I would also make sure my daughter was saying thank you every time and was always ready to go when the other girl is.

redredrobins Fri 18-Oct-19 12:25:52

Your DD could buy a box of chocolates and give them as a christmas gift as a thankyou for the lifts.

Chewbecca Fri 18-Oct-19 12:27:24

I have been the other mum and would expect absolutely nothing Bar a thank you from your dd. I’d be embarrassed by a gift and feel it was inappropriate.

There was no expectation of a lift from the other child, I was there anyway and more than happy to speed up his journey home by using the empty space in my car.

SamBeckettslastleap Fri 18-Oct-19 12:28:52

I do this all the time as we live much further away than DC friends. One offers to be dropped at the top of a long cul de sac but because I've picked her up I like to make sure she makes it home. These kids are not cf (nor their parents) as they don't expect it or rely on it so on occasion I can't take them home they walk without moaning.

lanthanum Fri 18-Oct-19 12:35:46

Not a problem. There will probably be an occasion in the future when you can offer a lift - eg if they both need picking up from an evening event or late-returning trip.
A friend of mine used to regularly offer a lift like this - she was picking up because she was passing the school anyway, and she dropped home the child her daughter would otherwise have walked with - no problem, no implication that their parent should have taken a turn, just being nice. You might even see it as rude not to offer a lift when it's so little trouble!

Beautiful3 Fri 18-Oct-19 12:42:54

No I think this is fine. But I would ask her to tell them she'll get out at theirs and walk back. No need for the lift to her doorstep.

Motoko Fri 18-Oct-19 12:45:10

No, you're not a CF. A CF is someone who expects others to do them favours, usually ones where it puts the other person out quite a bit, and that the CF could easily do themselves, they just can't be arsed, or don't want to spend the money. It's the expectation and entitlement that's the problem.

This mum has offered the lifts to your DD, you didn't even know about it. Just make sure DD says thank you, and realises that she shouldn't expect the lifts. There may be times where the mum needs to go somewhere else after, and can't drop your DD off.

CAG12 Fri 18-Oct-19 12:47:53

I dont think so but to put your mind at ease you could always broach the subject with the other mum?

Just a quick 'thanks for all the lifts'

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