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To have hoped for a bit more fuss on my birthday?

(398 Posts)
Namechangeformeplease Fri 18-Oct-19 04:12:23

Name changed for this, fully expecting a flaming!

Yesterday was my 30th birthday. I'm on holiday with 4 month old DS, DH and my PIL. This holiday was fully planned and organised by me. I said I wanted a nice day at the beach, which happened.

My DH got me a simple pair of earrings, probably costing £40ish. We ate breakfast, lunch and dinner where we would ordinarily, and eerr, that's it. No special fuss, birthday cake or fizz. I'm sure if I said I wanted these things I'd have got them, but I suppose I was hoping to be spoiled or surprised just a little bit on a milestone birthday? I had a lovely day, but doing things we ordinarily would on holiday. I had hoped DH had some little trick (not necessarily costing £) up his sleeve, but it felt like he looked to me to spoil myself rather than plan something.

It's hardly a LTB situation I know, my DH is generally thoughtful and kind, and I did have a nice day. I was just hoping for a little bit more fuss. I feel a bit flat now it's gone.

Basil90 Fri 18-Oct-19 04:21:24

You know what they say, he's just not that into you

TheoriginalLEM Fri 18-Oct-19 04:21:48

Yeah, YABU a bit

WonkyDonk87 Fri 18-Oct-19 04:26:46

OP you know you'll get a roasting for this, right? MN has no tolerance for birthdays after the age of 7 and you should have been happy with a lukewarm cup of tea and a cheese sandwich.

But it was your 30th so I understand that you wanted a bit more. Tell him you want to turn 30 again next year, by which point DS can be left with the grandparents for a decent chunk of time.

gwackywacky Fri 18-Oct-19 04:28:18

I think you would have been unreasonable for a normal birthday. But isn't 40 quite a big deal? I mean it's a milestone and you'd just had a baby.

I think YANBU.

gwackywacky Fri 18-Oct-19 04:29:13

Sorry I confused the 40 pounds with the 30yh birthday. Same concept. YANBU.

Namechangeformeplease Fri 18-Oct-19 04:29:50

I am expecting a roasting. That'll stop me asking for retrospective birthday cake! grin

gwackywacky Fri 18-Oct-19 04:33:29


FinnBalorsAbs Fri 18-Oct-19 04:41:57

Has he turned 30 yet? If so, what happened on his big day?

Happy belated birthday!

1onelyranger Fri 18-Oct-19 04:42:09

You can either be a martyr about this or you can declare that you’re celebrating your birthday til the end of the week and remedy the situation yourself until Sunday night.

MaybeitsMaybelline Fri 18-Oct-19 04:56:17

Yeh it’s shit, o me made a fuss of me until I got to 49 and now the adult kids and DH compete to give me the best presents.

Maybe learn to be disappointed like me 😀

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 18-Oct-19 05:15:27

YANBU Is he normally low key about birthdays?

bibblybop Fri 18-Oct-19 05:15:37

OP YANBU. Do you make a big deal for your family's birthdays?

I completely understand how you feel. For my family I do the works- banners, cake, balloons etc. I really love going out of my way to make sure it's such a special day and they're made a fuss of.

My birthdays have been nice- as you have said. Lovely day but nothing too different from a normal 'nice' day. I, like you, feel guilty even feeling a little flat but it would be nice to be spoiled without having to orchestrate it myself.

I feel bad posting this now but it's true.

Theresnobslikeshowbs Fri 18-Oct-19 05:23:58

I was with exdp for 14 years, I had maybe 3 cards and some flowers plus one meal during that time. Not a problem as I’m not bothered about birthdays, I prefer celebrating others. Now with dp, he took me abroad for my first birthday we were together. I was 😱this really does happen and not just on the internet or in movies! Problem is he now has to keep it up😉.

Happy Birthday OP!🎈🎈🍰🍰🎊🎊🎉🎉

MaitlandGirl Fri 18-Oct-19 05:34:25

I’ve just had my birthday and it felt very much like yours. I spent over $300 on my wife’s birthday in June (an easily affordable amount), organised a surprise flower delivery and bought very carefully thought out presents. I got a last minute ‘that’ll do’ type of present that cost less than $50.

It’s always been the same, I love buying things for people, especially the ‘saw this and knew you’d love it’ type of gift but I never get the same kind of consideration. We’ve just had our 1st anniversary and it was just the same.

I’ve decided the only way forward is to lower my expectations totally and not make anywhere near the effort for other people.

Have you told your DH that you’re disappointed in how the day went? It’s not an easy conversation to have but it needs to be done.

Tillyfloss1 Fri 18-Oct-19 05:51:23

YANBU. It's your 30th and you've got a small baby, would have been nice to have been made a bit of a fuss of. Happy birthday x

LIttleMissTickles Fri 18-Oct-19 05:53:12

I know it's really hard to accept that your DH behaved so thoughtlessly, as you probably make everyone's birthdays special. When I was your age, it used to upset me so much, my DH was shocking with presents/fuss for birthdays, anniversary and Mother's Day.

After a few years I had a bit of an epiphany, where I thought about who he is, what he does in our marriage and family, and also the fact that the present/making special days special thing was NEVER going to change. Then I realised that as flaws go, this is very minor, he is thoughtful and extremely kind day to day, and very generous, he loves it when I spend money on myself and always encourages me to work less than I do, and supports me wholeheartedly. So I've decided that it's a small price to pay, and now I plan my birthday and just say exactly what I want eg we're going out for dinner here, I've bought my present, will be expecting a very nice card! On Mother's Day I remind the DC that I'd like them to cook me lunch and then we're all going for a long walk etc. It has worked well for me, no more disappointments!!

Waterandlemonjuice Fri 18-Oct-19 06:02:16

YANBU. It should have been a big deal. For my 30th I was taken on a surprise weekend to Paris. I think you should tell him how you feel.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Fri 18-Oct-19 06:11:03

You'll get no roasting from me. I just had a huge bday, (double yours), dh cooked (a big thing for him, but god the fuss!) the kids did something lovely, but that was it. For his we went away to do his hobby for a week. I'm apparently not worth that, Ive plastered a smile on soi don't look like a sulky mare, but it hurts. And yes he usually gets lovely thoughtful gifts. So 🎉🍾🎂 from me op.

OatyGoaty Fri 18-Oct-19 06:11:55

YANBU flowers

spanglydangly Fri 18-Oct-19 06:17:59

It's a YANBU from me! Happy belated birthday!

redcarbluecar Fri 18-Oct-19 06:19:41

Yeah I get your disappointment. I’d have been hoping for a bit of cake and fizz too.

GreekOddess Fri 18-Oct-19 06:23:07

YANBU to feel the way you do but I do think that if you'd wanted more of a big celebration you needed to organise it yourself. I'm low key about birthdays. We are often away for dh's birthday as it falls in the summer and I've never arranged anything different for him, if he wanted a special type of day I would expect him to tell me.

Monty27 Fri 18-Oct-19 06:24:22

I didn't have anything out of the ordinary for my 30th. Got presents, went to work came home got dressed up and went for a meal and the pub. Loved it. I do that every year. 40 and 50 are different imho.
Is 30 a thing? confused

clucky3 Fri 18-Oct-19 06:25:25

Has he turned 30 yet? If so, what happened on his big day?

I want to know this

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