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To think my friend no longer wants to be friends?

(4 Posts)
flightattendant Wed 15-Aug-07 10:20:02

I can't figure it out. We met through a mutual interest on ebay, have never met in person but exchanged long and frequent emails for about 2 years now.
Since I got pregnant about 11 months ago, well, she was excited for me or said she as, but I always felt a bit awkward talking about the baby as she told me she lost a child when pregnant about 15 years ago. (She has an 18yo son whom she adores, and insisted she was overjoyed that I was pregnant and was buying all sorts of things for the baby.
Since I gave birth though she doesn't seem to want to email any more. She said she hadn't expected me to email so soon after (it was a few days) and from the tone I guessed she was hoping I wouldn't...I had said I was sorry in advance as I anticipated not having as much time as I used to. Maybe she was offended by that?
Anyway the present she kept talking about for the baby didn't arrive for 2 months, when it did it wasn't wrapped, just very impersonal with no card or tag, and all that time she wrote very few emails though I tried to write to her...not just about babies obviously, but she just replied with very short emails not really picking up on any conversational stuff I started.
I asked her last week if I'd upset her and she said no, but she's been busy.
I feel really hurt as I know it's more than that and wonder if it might be because she can't deal with my having a new baby when she tried for so long to have another after losing hers - I know they had a lot of fertility treatment after it happened, and eventually gave up.
What should I do?
I didn't mean to hurt her by having a baby.
Should I just let it go and stop emailing her? To be honest I'd rather leave it if it's not easy for her now She used to talk to me about everything, nearly every day.

belgo Wed 15-Aug-07 10:25:40

it's very possibly nothing to do with you having a baby at all. In the 15 years since she's lost her baby, she must have had many friends who've had babies.

Sometimes friendships just come to an end. that's natural. If I were you, I would just stop emailing her.

squiffy Wed 15-Aug-07 10:28:27

I'd chill. Sounds like she's busy. Accept it at that and treat as if nothings happened. Even if it is her being upset at the baby that is something she will have to deal with and is nothing to do with you.
The only thing I would suggest is that you keep up with the chatty emails but make sure that your own mails are not self-engrossed and are not all about you and the baby. A good trick is to go through your emails to her and count up how many times you have used the word 'I' in the letter. When I do this I am often shocked at how self-absorbed I sometimes come across as and will often then completely re-write whole sections. Not suggesting that you are as bad as me at this, but just an idea.

flightattendant Wed 15-Aug-07 10:40:58

Yes, Squiffy I am very conscious of it as I used to do that a lot - I make sure I ask lots of questions about her but she just doesn't seem to want to tell me anything and ignores them.
I have talked a bit about the baby as well as she asks...and it is part of life now...but not overly, in fact I avoid it a bit.
I guess I know the answer really, I'll give her a break and see if she starts sounding more keen when (if) she emails again.
Have to wing it I suppose, just makes me sad.
Thanks for replying.

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