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Is she right? Am I selfish ?

(221 Posts)
scissorhans Thu 17-Oct-19 10:17:43

My girlfriend accused me of being selfish and not putting her priority.
I went to Prague last weekend to a stag. I came home hungover and wiped. I told her I was too wrecked to meet until last night. I went on Friday, came home on Sunday . I met her last Wednesday. Am I being selfish on this? I would understand if she did this.

Zebraaa Thu 17-Oct-19 10:19:46

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hesafriendfromwork Thu 17-Oct-19 10:21:13

Based on this one off incident, yanbu.

That's assuming you dont have kids together though.

If you have kids together, but dont live together and left her looking after your kids for days, then yabu.

KnifeAngel Thu 17-Oct-19 10:21:28

It does seem like a long time. It depends how often you normally see each other.

Dieu Thu 17-Oct-19 10:21:42

It would be unreasonable if you had a child together, but presumably as you also have your own lives, I don't think you were unreasonable at all.

scissorhans Thu 17-Oct-19 10:21:59

I wrote to get an honest view. I don't see the selfishness. She does. I hope for balanced opinions thank you

FaFoutis Thu 17-Oct-19 10:22:06

I don't think you are being selfish with the girlfriend, but YABU as stag groups have ruined Prague.

FaFoutis Thu 17-Oct-19 10:23:13

She is probably meaning that you don't seem to like her enough to make the effort, rather than 'selfishness'.

scissorhans Thu 17-Oct-19 10:30:22

It was only a week.We see each other a couples f times a week , and again over the weekends .We are together a year.
She complains about our time together not being enough.

Bluntness100 Thu 17-Oct-19 10:32:42

Beware, most posters on here hate men so expect replies telling you how selfish you are...

God if people aren't posting this shit, they are posting how we are all penis worshippers. 🤣

ExcitedForFuture Thu 17-Oct-19 10:33:05

So you returned on Sunday and saw her on Wednesday, that's fine, she's being clingy and ridiculous.

ShartGoblin Thu 17-Oct-19 10:39:53

It's a stag, hardly happens every week. I don't think you're selfish, I think you have different needs and it's up to you to think about whether that's going to work long term.

FaFoutis Thu 17-Oct-19 10:41:00

most posters on here hate men
Some of us are men. Some of us like our husbands and sons. Not many 'hate men'.

misspiggy19 Thu 17-Oct-19 10:41:50

Your girlfriend is being unreasonable and club guy

misspiggy19 Thu 17-Oct-19 10:41:56


catsmother Thu 17-Oct-19 10:42:27

Context is all, whether or not you're selfish depends on more than you've said.

On the face of it, I'd think.... wiped out, Monday to recover, catch up on sleep. Tuesday meet maybe but does a day later really matter?

However, if we'd been together a year, say, and hadn't yet gone away for a weekend, although I was keen to do so, and my boyfriend had either swerved the idea altogether or had claimed inaffordability, but had gone off on a stag quite happily, then I'd be feeling far less sympathetic towards him needing to chill out post stag because overall it'd feel as if his mates were more important than me.

Obviously, if the relationship was otherwise happy and healthy the above wouldn't apply.

AzraiL Thu 17-Oct-19 10:46:33

So over that one poster who sees a male put a post up to the effect of 'Oh wait, you'll get slaughtered here, Mumsnet is full of men haters, everyone's going to just pile on you for being a man'. hmm

OP if you don't share children then it doesn't sound like you were selfish at all. I think it would be normal after a trip like that to be tired. Does she normally accuse you of not making her a priority? Or was this a first?

AzraiL Thu 17-Oct-19 10:47:37

who sees a male put a post up and writes to the effect of

Aquamarine1029 Thu 17-Oct-19 10:51:42

I don't think you're selfish, but I do think you should have a think about this relationship. If she needs more that you're willing to give, you should end it.

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 Thu 17-Oct-19 10:52:46

It really depends on context. Did she maybe want to do an activity together before the stag and you told her you had no money but then magically scarpe together the money to go away? did you end up going out anyways with a friend on the night you said you were tired or do some other activity that would require effort? if no to all these then she is being unreasonable

BlingLoving Thu 17-Oct-19 10:57:59

There just isn't enough information here. If you left Friday, I'm assuming you didn't see her since Thursday or even the Wednesday before? So you were away for a full week. And you got back on Sunday but took you until wednesday to see her again?

that is absolutely your right, but if I was your girlfriend and we were relatively serious, dating for a year and usually seeing each other at least a couple of times a week then yes, I'd feel that it was a bit ridiculous that you didn't want to make more effort to get together sooner. IF I was her, I'd be thinking that obviously ou don't particularly miss me when you're away from me and that therefore you're not really taking this relationship as seriously.

It's okay if you don't feel the need to see her for a whole week. But if she wants more then it's also okay for her to consider this insufficient. And certainly, if this is a relationship that YOU consider serious and that you think might move onto the next level then yes, I'd expect you to be a bit more enthusiastic.

Aprillygirl Thu 17-Oct-19 10:58:18

To me it's quality over quantity when you're dating, so I'd much rather see my boyfriend once or twice a week and have a good time rather than 4 times and you be sitting playing on your phone. So if you gave her your undivided attention on Wednesday YANBU, if not she could feel taken for granted so YABU.

Notajogger Thu 17-Oct-19 10:58:43

No you weren't being selfish. And why would she be so insistent on seeing you if you're clearly not up for it, and are not feeling great?
She does sound a bit clingy and it seems you have different expectations - that's the issue, I think, and something to probably discuss quite soon.

INeedNewShoes Thu 17-Oct-19 11:04:36

I'd think you were a bit of a wuss and it wouldn't bode well for a LTR. Three days to recover from a weekend away?

TreePeepingWatcher Thu 17-Oct-19 11:06:25

Another post on which Zebraaa assumes a lot about a few million people.

Did you contact her when you were away? Since you got back?

It may well be that it is quite an effort to see each other in person depending on the geography of where you live and what you working hours are.

So no, I don't think rushing to see her when you were feeling shit is a bad thing. Better to be back to normal before seeing her but then the contact bit is important.

Selfish is a weird word to use to describe not being your top priority. Is she? Does she feel like she is?

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