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Issues with son - gf and my work

(163 Posts)
DBML Wed 16-Oct-19 00:09:21

Hi, I’ll try to keep this short and to the point.

My son is 14. He’s a good looking boy. I’m a teacher in a different school.
A group of girls from my work found DS in social media and followed him. I warned him not to follow back.
Three months later I learn:
A) he followed back
B) he’s been speaking to one girl
C) he’s met up with her near our home

I don’t know what to do/say. I have supported all of his friendships, but I can’t have a pupil to my home and I won’t let him go to a parents home.

I found out what was going on when a group of kids began ‘teasing’ me let’s say, in work.

I have taken all his devices this evening and he’s devastated because ‘he really likes her’, but I’m worried that it’s going to eventually cause issues for me at work and possibly at home as we live quite close to school.

Aibu? Wwyd?

Thank you

BertrandRussell Wed 16-Oct-19 00:18:36

Sorry- am I missing something? Why shouldn’t he have friends from your school? Isn’t it allowed?

Superlooper Wed 16-Oct-19 00:22:46

So he can't be friends with any of the students in your school?

I don't get it, tbh, but my dd's school friend's mother is a teacher in their school and dd has been to her house a number of times.

Can they meet up in public only? Ruling out an entire school seems a bit harsh

mankyfourthtoe Wed 16-Oct-19 00:22:48

Can you ask your head of year/line manager for some input from them?

ReggaetonLente Wed 16-Oct-19 00:23:24

Why is this not allowed?

Namechangeforthiscancershit Wed 16-Oct-19 00:26:04

Wow times have changed. I used to go to stay/hang out with a lot of children of teachers, both at my school and other local schools. It would have been pretty harsh on them if they couldn't ever have friends round to their houses.

This must come up a lot. Presumably your school can advise.

In the meantime your son hasn't done anything wrong that I can see and confiscating his devices seems really mean.

DBML Wed 16-Oct-19 00:26:55

It’s not that, as much as I am not allowed to have them at my home. I could not invite her over the way that we’ve invited his previous girlfriends over.
Also, I would not want her to know where we lived as I would not want other pupils to know where we lived.
So, I felt it was best for everyone just not to go down that road. But now everyone is upset and I’m not sure if I’m right or wrong or even what to do next.

DBML Wed 16-Oct-19 00:28:48

Food for thought.
Perhaps getting some clarification from work is the next step.

Mistressiggi Wed 16-Oct-19 00:28:51

Im a teacher and I can see how this would be awkward but it certainly can't be banned! What about teachers working in a one-school town?

Namechangeforthiscancershit Wed 16-Oct-19 00:29:20

Wow. It seems a harsh policy.

But it must come up all the time, so school must have some advice for you. They can't just say "you can't have a child's bf or gf over" and not give you any more help with the situation.

Mistressiggi Wed 16-Oct-19 00:31:53

Just don't invite her home. If it fizzles out then she doesn't need to come round. If it got serious then she wouldn't cause trouble, I would hope. Check he doesn't have location turned on in his snapchat etc by the way.

DBML Wed 16-Oct-19 00:32:13

My husband is a teacher also, and DS attends his school. We have had pupils over from DH school as DS goes there.
I work at a school with a slightly different dynamic, so it’s not a good idea for pupils to be visiting teachers homes.

DBML Wed 16-Oct-19 00:32:54


Good shout about snapchat! I’ll check.

Alsohuman Wed 16-Oct-19 00:32:59

Seriously, I think you’re being insanely over cautious. I knew where at least half a dozen of my teachers lived, I saw four of them come out of their houses in the morning! You’re right that there should be boundaries but yours are way too extreme. You need to chill a bit.

VenusTiger Wed 16-Oct-19 00:33:11

I can’t imagine some school kids knowing where you live being a problem OP. You’re being way over the top. What if one of them sees your car on the driveway and finds out where you live that way, or walks your way home and finds out that way.
He could have met her whilst out and about, befriended her, had her round to your house for 2 years before you found out she attended the school you work at, what’s the difference.
You’re being precious imo.

Superlooper Wed 16-Oct-19 00:33:36

Ah, ok. What mistressiggi said, so

ShippingNews Wed 16-Oct-19 00:34:23

It seems a bit harsh to ban him seeing girls from your school. My BIL is principal at a country school where his own children are pupils - he has his kids friends over all the time. No harm done .

DBML Wed 16-Oct-19 00:35:43


Yes DH is a teacher at DS school and we have children from that school over. My school is a bit different. I don’t want to say how as I could give it away.

saraclara Wed 16-Oct-19 00:36:38

I work at a school with a slightly different dynamic, so it’s not a good idea for pupils to be visiting teachers homes.

I think you're going to have to explain a bit more. Because at the moment, what you're saying makes no sense. I taught at my kids' school for a while. The mother of a friend of one of my daughters taught at their secondary school throughout her time there and my daughter went to their house frequently.

DBML Wed 16-Oct-19 00:38:02

Thank you everyone. Sometimes we all need a good shake and perhaps I am being a bit OTT.
I’ll have a safety chat with DS tomorrow regarding ensuring I know who he’s hanging out with and knowing where he is and I guess we’ll go from there.

Mistressiggi Wed 16-Oct-19 00:39:08

If it is a secure unit I can see the concerns!

DBML Wed 16-Oct-19 00:39:14

Just to clarify, DS doesn’t attend my school. My school is a challenging environment.

Toffeecakes Wed 16-Oct-19 00:40:56

OP, I'm a teacher - I understand where you're coming from. It totally depends on the kind of kids. I'd hate this and I would be exactly the same. The fact that some of the kids 'teased' you about it shows they're not the kinds of kids who would keep things low key,

DBML Wed 16-Oct-19 00:41:46

No, things won’t be low key.

raspberryk Wed 16-Oct-19 00:47:09

I was friends with a teachers daughter from our school, was never an issue to go round to their house.
Lots of the staff at DD school have kids at the school and DD has been to theirs too.

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