Please can anyone give me any tips to deal with this situation?
My DPs dad is staying with us, has been for the last 2 weeks as he’s not well. Hes late 50s. Hes been diagnosed with an illness which he can treat himself. He’s fine now and has been for the last week, but ended up in hospital before staying with us and he lives abroad. He usually does stay with us around three times a year for a couple of days. Never really any issues beforehand.
It’s now 2 weeks. I’m going mental. I’m currently on maternity leave. He’s the laziest, messiest, arrogant, unpleasant, selfish man I’ve ever met! I always knew he was abit arrogant but spending all this time with him has opened my eyes right up! I’m constantly cleaning up, blankets all over, bits of food everywhere, everything left out, food containers never in the recycling or bin, toilet seat up, plates on the side (despite a dish washer being underneath!!), tripping over his shoes / slippers sprawled out everywhere, finger nails on the sofa 🤢 on top of this, he has whinged the entire time he’s been here about wanting to be home (yet not being proactive in phoning the doctors I.e calling at 8.30am to get an appointment, as he wakes up at 11am) and complaining about the NHS (a serious pet peeve of mine alone)
He takes no interest in getting to know me or what me and daughter get up to. It’s always a one sided conversation. He never hears what I say it’s always “EHH” or blanks me completely. You can just tell he's not interested in what I've got to say. Whenever I’m (rarely!) watching TV he talks all the way through. He doesn’t go out unless he needs to go to the doctor, doesn’t go see his friends apart from 1 he stayed with. Is literally sat on sofa all day watching TV. He cooks meals despite me telling him what I’m making for tea that night but if I’m not in - he’s done it anyway (usually something I don’t like and tbh isn’t nice he’s not a good cook) never cleans up after cooking. Claims he doesn’t know how to along with using a washing machine. Has just learnt to occasionally empty the dish washer. He dumped his clothes in front of me and asked me to wash them, I said can you put them in the washing machine? His response “ oh I don’t know how to” and walks off. I’ve known this man for 8 years and he’s only just realised I don’t like my name shortened (it’s short anyway!) despite me telling me I fucking hate it every time he’s home. Every. Single. Time. His wife does look after him so I appreciate she probably does a lot of this for him, but is not just common fucking curtsy to clean up after yourself when at someone else's house?! Am I living in a different world?
I’ve cracked up and burst into tears with my DP, despite having two other discussions about this. My DP thinks I’m being very unreasonable and that he can’t just kick his dad out. His dad is trying to be more tidy.
Firstly - he should have gone ages ago! He has other family who don’t want him because of all the issues I’ve stated above. He stayed with his mate for 2 nights and came home early because they were at their wits end too. My partner is at work all day and is refusing to believe how miserable I am. Secondly I’m now sat upstairs in a dark room crying, with my daughter asleep whilst them two are sat together watching more shit on the TV which I don’t like. His dad definitely has an opinion of women I.s he praises my DP massive amounts when he cleans up after himself or hoovers ups. Tells me I've got a good one and an amazing dad to my LG (which he is) but in his mind because he's changed a shitty nappy or played with her when he's home from work...
I’ve tried soo hard to think he’s not been well and calm down but I can’t do it anymore. Am I just being awful and should I suck it up? I’ve told my DP he needs to be gone by Thursday (he should be booking a flight home tomorrow) as I don’t even want to be “home” anymore. I don’t even want to be in my home anymore. I’m soo pissed off with my DP, I’d be mortified if my mum treated him like this.
I think I just needed a bloody rant too, on top of alll this! I’m a FTM mum too, which I love but with about 6 hours sleep combined for the past week I’m loosing the plot.
AIBU?
Help me deal with my FIL - he's driving me crazy
loosingmymind90 · 15/10/2019 21:04
Does your DP secretly think its women's job to parent men? Its the only reason I can think of why he won't see a problem with your FILs behaviour.
That's actually a really good point. I've never thought about it like that. I hope not. My DP is a very tidy and clean person which I don't understand why he's ignoring it. It's like he's got rose tinted glasses on with his Dad
Although I do tidy after him, he does leave plates around which my DP will tell him to move. However, the next time he comes to eat it's the same thing. Then complains that my DP is a "nazi" telling him to tidy up all the time. I honestly think it's just his sick view that he should be waited on. I feel like I'm in his house
I'll admit I'm not blunt enough with FIL but I feel a little awkward if I'm honest. I'd be more confident if my DP just had a proper word with him about ALL of the issues. FIL doesn't listen to a bloody word I say anyway 
I'm looking at hotels now
100% book yourself a room now, and go without delay. Whether he books a flight or not. I’d underline my protest to DH, and proclaim my move to the rest of the family/friends. The situation requires it, so you set a very firm precedent for the future.
Your FIL is actually relatively young now, and if he’s like this at nearly 60, what do you think will happen over the next few years? Make it clear to everyone (by moving out) that you shouldn’t be counted on to play housekeeper/nursemaid. Ever. Again.
By the way, loved the typo ‘common fucking curtsy’. Summed up the service His Highness seems to expect from you! 
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Hahaha I never even noticed that typo! 😂
Thanks everyone, I'm definitely getting raging again. I haven't heard anything from my DP since speaking to him earlier. I'm assuming he's sulking as I've made him choose between me and his dad as he said 
That's a good idea about his dad going to the hotel but to be honest, I think I could do with getting away from the pair of them. I really am bloody annoyed and disappointed in my DP, he just doesn't get it and it's so frustrating.
I mentioned about the other people not wanting him staying at theirs and he didn't have much to say to that funnily enough. He just told me he'd have a chat with his dad about leaving on Thursday if he's still here. I could tell my DP was getting annoyed but he's directing it at the wrong person!
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