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AIBU or is neighbour insane ?

(48 Posts)
cnutnugget Tue 15-Oct-19 17:33:47

I'll try and condense as much as possible!
Lived next to neighbour for several years. She is very angry at the world and has a problem with everything. She'll report people to the council for how they park and many other things and is generally not well liked. I make an effort with her as I want to live in peace and dont want to get on her bad side frankly. Since we've lived next to her we have had to put up with a lot of noise. Constant arguing, drunken antics all the time, running up the stairs like fucking hippos. She is very inconsiderate but I put up cos it's not the end of the world. Last week at 1am on a weeknight she was drunk and screaming and shouting. I was fed up and had to get up at 6am for work. I text her something to the effect of please would you shut your fucking mouth. I totally understand how this may have been taken. She replied ar 5am (clearly wasted) about how I'm taking the fuckig piss and I have a problem with her and how dare I speak to her like that and that she can hear my tv. I replied and apologised that I offended her, explained that that is how I talk and meant no offensive but outlined why her behaviour was unreasonable and that I am happy to put up with her noise (including her very loud tv all the time) she then replied with some more abuse about how i should just fucking move and then demanded i never speak to her again.
I get why she may have been upset by what i said, i apologised and tried systematically to be diplomatic and resolve it and give her a way out even though (imo) she was being insane.

Weebitawks Tue 15-Oct-19 17:37:17


RuffleCrow Tue 15-Oct-19 17:38:02

Yabu. "Shut your fucking mouth" may be how you talk but it's unlikely to get anyone else onside.

Why not start polite and go from there?

FloatingObject Tue 15-Oct-19 17:39:03

Shit I'm shaking with laughter here. Running up the stairs like fucking hippos...grin

broccolilover1 Tue 15-Oct-19 17:39:40

Totally get that. The week before I had to message on 2 separate occasions as she was building a wardrobe at 11pm and it had no effect. I did apologise for what i said and explained that i had genuinely meant no offense

AdoreTheBeach Tue 15-Oct-19 17:43:26

Yes unfortunately YABU because of what you texted her. Had you texted something more reasonable then by all means your neighbour would 100% be in the wrong. Sadly I think you escalated things and now will only be worse.

For noise going forward you may need to report to the council and take steps according to their procedures as any amicable way between you may not now be possible.

Might be worth working on your communication style and stop cursing at people from the get go.

longwayoff Tue 15-Oct-19 17:44:40

Be glad. She's not talking to you. Sounds like a win. Keep it up.

thistimelastweek Tue 15-Oct-19 17:51:18

Look at it from her point of view.
She's been behaving like this for ages and you've said nothing. So, your angry outburst is a bolt from the blue as far as she is concerned.
You are a victim of your own reasonableness!

CAG12 Tue 15-Oct-19 18:00:47

Shes not insane. She does sound like a cunt though.

Although knowing what shes like the message you sent her wasnt a great idea

broccolilover1 Tue 15-Oct-19 18:05:22

Yea I should have known better. I was just tired and needed to sleep and didnt think about how she would take it, as I genuinely didnt mean it like that. She would have described us as friends, and I dont have any friends who would react like that. Maybe "god that's a bit much or that's hurtful". Not respond with abuse and threatening to call the police on me grin

broccolilover1 Tue 15-Oct-19 18:08:30

@AdoreTheBeach I get you. It wasnt however the first time I had texted her, to no avail. So I wasnt cursing from the get go! And I have spent 4+ years making a huge effort to be amicable even when she made it rather difficult.

user1471449295 Tue 15-Oct-19 18:09:27

You are both BU. I’d hate to live near you both tbh.

Hederex Tue 15-Oct-19 18:12:05

I completely understand why you reacted as you did, but I think it was bound to be inflammatory.

Sparklesocks Tue 15-Oct-19 18:14:51

She sounds like a nightmare and I understand the temptation to snap when you’re half asleep but your text escalated things. If she’s half as bad as you describe it might be a while until she blows over.

Witchinaditch Tue 15-Oct-19 18:15:07

You both sound not very nice at all.

Ignoremeiaminvisible Tue 15-Oct-19 18:22:02

I think sometimes this sort of response does have an effect, although obviously not in all cases. My old neighbours used to constantly have shouting matches that went on for hours (not joking). One evening I had just had enough, I had friends round for dinner and half way through the meal they started up. This went on for 2 hours, when my friends left I had just had enough. I opened the back door and scream 'will you two shut the fuck up'. I was amazed but they stopped immediately and although they still had heated disagreements they were not as loud or as severe.

limpylegs Tue 15-Oct-19 18:24:25


You told her to 'shut her fucking mouth'.
She wrote back being just as agressive.
You ran off with your tail between your legs apologising.
She now isn't speaking to you.
You are unhappy with this and want her to open her fucking mouth again?


cnutnugget Tue 15-Oct-19 18:28:35

@limpylegs I didnt say I'm unhappy with it, I do a lot of favours for her with nothing in return but a shitty attitude, so I'm not too annoyed about that. Also I ddint have my tail between my legs, I just apologised for the way she had taken it but stood firmly by my point. I did preface the text with please!
@Witchinaditch I am actually rather nice, I was just fed up! I am a considerate and kind neighbour. But I have a job and need to be up, and she doesn't have a job and has no urgency to wake up.

Sparklfairy Tue 15-Oct-19 18:29:38

You know she's rude, confrontational, has a problem with everyone yet has no consideration for others. Why on earth would you send a text like that when all it was going to do was antagonise her?? I have no problem telling people to shut the fuck up but a woman like that is not going to suddenly go 'oops sorry' and buy you flowers as an apology. Locking horns with someone like that will get you nowhere.

Be smart. Log every incident. Make recordings. Report to the council.

TeaMeBasil Tue 15-Oct-19 18:30:27

I had sympathy with the noise & trying to sleep but then you lost message her telling her to shut her fucking mouth and she replies telling you to fucking move....but you 'didn't mean it like that' and that's just how you talk whereas she, talking exactly the same way back to you, is being abusive??

You sound as bad as each other.

OooErMissus Tue 15-Oct-19 18:31:15

Would on earth is wrong with 'would you mind keeping it down please?'


Pringlesfortea Tue 15-Oct-19 18:32:54

6 of 1 ,half a dozen....

MrsMaiselsMuff Tue 15-Oct-19 18:39:22

Are you posting under two different names?

AllFourOfThem Tue 15-Oct-19 18:44:06

You both sound as bad as each other.

Why did you change your username within minutes of starting this thread?

ddl1 Tue 15-Oct-19 18:48:17

YANBU to complain about the noise. YABVVU to actually tell someone to 'shut your fucking mouth' and expect them not to be angry!

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