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Does it annoy you when someone who doesn't drive frequently asks for lifts?

(57 Posts)
coffeeforone Tue 15-Oct-19 14:41:35

Aside from medical reasons (including vehophobia), would you judge someone who doesn't drive themselves but often asks for lifts for themselves and their children?

Person in question is a friend and neighbour. Her DH works abroad and there is an unused car sitting on her driveway. Three times in the past fortnight she has asked if me or my DH could drive her somewhere:
1) Hospital - running late for a non-urgent appointment so no time to get bus
2) DS's little kickers session on Saturday (my DS goes too so fine) - this one happens whenever her DH is not around on a Saturday
3) To the local train station in the morning as it was raining

Another person is my aunt, who doesn't drive by constantly asks my parents for lifts to supermarkets, town centres, appointments.

AIBU that this is cheeky. If you don't want to learn to drive, fine - but you should get public transport instead of relying on drivers (emergencies aside), if you are asking for lifts but can't ever return the favour.

Xiaoxiong Tue 15-Oct-19 14:46:12

The only one on your list that I would even dream of entertaining would be the lift share to football since I'd be going there anyway, but I would expect reciprocation. Can't give CFs a proverbial inch...

Expressedways Tue 15-Oct-19 14:51:30

With perhaps the exception of the kid’s football club since you were going anyway with your DS she’s being a CF. Don’t forget that she could always get a taxi but that she’s too cheap so is asking you instead. She’s also clearly thinks very little of you and the value of your time versus hers; she’s so busy she can’t leave enough time to get the bus to her appointment but she thinks that you can drop everything at a moment’s notice to drive her. I hope you are saying no to these requests as they are ridiculous!

Yummymummy2020 Tue 15-Oct-19 14:52:10

I don’t drive, but I also never ask for lifts. I’m lucky in that I live right beside a great public transport system though and there are very few places I can’t get public transport too. I still will learn to drive eventually though. For the moment, I manage just fine. It is cheeky to ask for a lot of lifts though, if I was in a position where I needed to get them, I would speed up learning to drive! When I do learn, I wouldn’t mind getting someone out of a fix if they needed a lift, but I can understand the constant requests getting annoying!

BertrandRussell Tue 15-Oct-19 14:55:43

Ah yes, the old Mumsnet favourite- giving a lift being considered akin to giving a kidney!

LadyFuchsiaGroan Tue 15-Oct-19 14:56:09

Yanbu. I don't drive and I manage to arrange my children's activities without feeling the need to ask for lifts. On occasion I have turned down party invitations and play dates if they are not accessible by public transport and I would never dream of asking for a lift, lovely if someone offers a lift but some people it seems can't be offered an occasional lift without taking the piss.

Kittenbittenmitten Tue 15-Oct-19 14:57:15

Yes. It really doesn't happen very often to me though. If DH or I are going somewhere that a non driver is going too, we always offer a lift. Only a couple of times have I been irritated. The first time was a relative banging on about the expense of running a car, how they wouldn't do it and the bus is better while in our car having accepted a lift home. DH dropped them off at the bus stop to complete the last leg of the journey on their preferred mode of transport. grin

The second time was another relative who can drive but won't run a car harrumphing because I didn't give them a lift home from the shops and they had to wait so long for a bus blah blah. I had a tight schedule that day and it wasn't on my way. It annoyed me as they have more thsn enough money to run a car but won't because it's too expensive. That's fair enough but don't complain when someone won't give you a lift.

CloudRusting Tue 15-Oct-19 14:57:54

I would be ok with the football class if going anyway but if the others require a special trip it would be a CF stamp from me. For 1 is expect her to get a taxi, for 3 this is something that happens, use an umbrella.

SlightlyStaleCocoPops Tue 15-Oct-19 14:59:46

Here we go again...

MzHz Tue 15-Oct-19 15:00:58

When her H is back in the country and taking their dc to footy, does he offer to take yours?

HEMammajamma Tue 15-Oct-19 15:01:59

Lift share if you're someone I enjoy being around - I don't mind because it's on my way anyway and I don't expect reciprocation when I do something (If I dont want to do it, I won't).

Liftshare if you're not someone I like being around - Occasionally, I won't mind. Habitually, nope.

Leave wherever I am to take you somewhere out of my way, no matter who you are (except for emergencies) - Nope!

Grannybags Tue 15-Oct-19 15:02:28

I don’t drive (having lessons!) and only ask for lifts if it’s somewhere the other person is going already, like children’s activities. My son has two friends who tend to do the same clubs as him so the three families share transport - my DH regularly takes their children to things at the weekend. Otherwise I walk or get the bus - I walked around 3 miles today just doing normal Drs/shopping/Post type things.

XJerseyGirlX Tue 15-Oct-19 15:03:15

Me and one of my oldest friends (of 30 years)are no longer friends anymore due to this. Ive always driven, she has never learnt (both 35 now) Over the years ive taken her to work, her daughter to nursery, driven her to asda cos its raining ...... and a million other things. In February she asked me to take her little girl to a party , the day before the party it snowed (really really bad) and i told her that i wouldnt be able to take her.. was met with " oh but your letting my little girl down" i told her to get her wellies on and walk then her little girl wouldnt be let down. I realised that day i had been used all those years. We have not spoken since.

Anothernotherone Tue 15-Oct-19 15:06:24

Yes, unless I was going anyway, then no as long as there was no expectation is drive on days my own child was off or whatever.

I used to drive the cleaning lady to work in my old job because she was lovely and had absolutely no expectation that anyone would go out of their way - she'd only ask if she knew your route took you through her village, and would walk to the most convenient place to avoid anyone diverting for her. That meant that she never had a shortage of lifts, plus when nobody was driving through her village she'd walk a mile to get strain in the wrong direction to a main station from which she could get a train in the right direction, and walk another mile at the other end, which took her two hours each way, where the 6 mile journey on rural roads directly took not more than 15 minutes.

I'm also very happy to take kids to football etc if and only if my child goes too. I am not happy to divert several miles in the wrong direction to do this though (recent request not from a non driver but someone who didn't want to have to rush home to drive her son, so thought I could drive 5 miles each way in the wrong direction to pick him up (as I was also rushing home to drive my son and our neighbor's son this would have made us late...) I offered to take her son if he cycled to our house to drive with us (my son cycles to the village where they live regularly, the boys are 12 and had two and a half hours between school finishing and needing to leave) but she declined this offer so meh.

In short it depends whether they're an entitled selfish CF or willing to put themselves out to facilitate the lift and only ask they know it's unlikely to be inconvenient.

Penelopeschat Tue 15-Oct-19 15:06:48

It didn’t used to but I now have a close friend who is terrible at this. Will ‘pop round’ until 11/12 and then suggest you wake your DC to drive her home, asks you to pick her her kids from College Dances at midnight, shopping, raining, always an excuse. Has never offered petrol money even after a fib that something was close by when it was an hour in traffic. It now hugely impacts when I say I’m free as I know an ask for a lift will always be forthcoming. Irony is she has her licence but no vehicle, too cheap to get one.

anniemac1 Tue 15-Oct-19 15:08:11

Completely understand what has been said above. Add to this when they keep you waiting for half an hour. Self obsessed.

SnuggyBuggy Tue 15-Oct-19 15:08:36

The first and third are cheeky fucker. The second wouldn't be so bad if she could do a favour in return.

coffeeforone Tue 15-Oct-19 15:11:13

When her H is back in the country and taking their dc to footy, does he offer to take yours?

To be fair he has offered once, but we declined, as if we don't need to give her and her DS a lift then weall go together on a Saturday and one of us will take DS2 to the big supermarket nearby while the other is at football.

Aderyn19 Tue 15-Oct-19 15:12:57

People can only be cheeky fuckers if you let them. It's really not that hard to say no.
Nobody should be interrupting their day to take disorganised people to non emergency hospital appointments or waking up their kids to drive a visitor home. Taxis do exist! If you keep doing it,bthey will keep expecting it.

BertrandRussell Tue 15-Oct-19 15:24:20

Just so people know- giving someone a lift does not add substantially to the wear and tear on your car or your petrol costs....

HavelockVetinari Tue 15-Oct-19 15:32:50

What do you do about a car seat for her DS (assuming he's under 10 or so)? Does she bring one round?

Anyway, YANBU, it gets very irritating when people constantly take but never give back.

Bluerussian Tue 15-Oct-19 15:34:42

It wouldn't bother me to give lifts; if it was a regular thing, most passengers would offer something towards petrol, I know I would. However I'm not sure I'd take anything if I was the driver.

Loveislandaddict Tue 15-Oct-19 15:35:05

The football club, okay, the others, not.

When she asks, do you always agree and give her a lift? If so, she has realised you are soft targets and will always agree to her requests.

Start saying ‘no, not convenient for me’ and let her face the consequences. If she can’t get to the hospital, she will have to ring and cancel, and in the rain, wear a coat. And give her the number for Uber or a local taxi firm.

MutedUser Tue 15-Oct-19 15:37:18

You do know you can just say NO right ?

isabellerossignol Tue 15-Oct-19 15:39:15

I don't mind giving a lift if I'm going somewhere anyway. But I'm damned if I'm doing it just because someone can't be arsed to get to the bus stop on time.

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