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NSFW- House sitter left anal dildo behind. Pun intended.

(348 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Wakeupalready Mon 14-Oct-19 21:39:19

In a nutshell, we went away. For 3 weeks.
Used a reputable agency to source a house sitter to mind property, water plants, and care for dogs.
I checked all 7 references for this 65 plus retired gentleman that were all positive. Some were repeats. Met him, and he stayed with us one night before we left - to help the dogs with the transition. Seemed fine, if a little right wing for us in his political views.
On our return, I messaged our tenants who live maybe 100 m from our house. They've lived on our property for 4 years and are like family.
We hear that the female tenant was looking after a baby calf in the paddock near our tennis court one day. And that she was startled by our house sitter pantless on the tennis court, either fumbling with himself, or about to remove his t-shirt to "enjoy the full force of nature". She hesitantly waved, and he hoofed it inside .
Male tenant had similar experience, but with a naked old man running to grab a sarong, when he dropped in to help him with garbage.
Nudity, I'm okay with - though I am stream cleaning the couch. After all he was saving us $3000 in kennel fees.

BUT.

Sitting on the couch after we got home my DS 12 reached for the TV remote. He extracted an object that neither he nor my husband recognised. I was asleep. After much horrified googling, my DH discovered it to be an extraordinarily expensive anal stimulator.
On my couch. Found by my DS. That DH and he handled. There was so much cussing and hand washing going on that I woke up. To DH telling me our son had found X and that if I used his iPad he was only googling weird sex toys to find out what the fuck it was.

We have bagged it up, and are planning on posting it back. Help me compose a succinct message to make the old bugger cringe enormously.

Also the dogs are acting weirdly. I have thrown out all shampoos and hand soaps, washed all my knicker drawer contents, and the kitchen implements.

Bring out your worst. We're torn between horror and hilarity, but serious to god...What the actual fuck?

UterusUterusGhali Mon 14-Oct-19 21:43:59

shock

Bloody hell.
Its going to be fun/mortifying feeding that back to the agency.

I’m honestly not sure wether to be furious or amused on your behalf.

SlothRunner Mon 14-Oct-19 21:44:36

I would be concerned that god forbid something had happened with the dogs. In what way are they acting strange?

AfterSchoolWorry Mon 14-Oct-19 21:46:05

Ugh. Burn the couch. That's revolting.

CodenameVillanelle Mon 14-Oct-19 21:48:22

That's so inappropriate. He's been walking around your home naked and masturbating wherever he fancies! What a fucking perv.
It's a bit weird to leave your home and beloved pets with a stranger for 3 weeks tbh. Pay for a kennel next time.

Disfordarkchocolate Mon 14-Oct-19 21:49:08

Yuck. I'd be having the sofa professionally cleaned and contacting the agency and asking them to return it to him. I'd be wary of everything in case he's been sitting naked on it!!!

DangerMouse17 Mon 14-Oct-19 21:49:17

I think I'd need to sell up OP. shockconfused

Spinderellacutituponetime Mon 14-Oct-19 21:49:58

Surely this is a wind-up?!!

readingnc Mon 14-Oct-19 21:52:03

Paddocks, tennis courts, baby calves? Hmmm

mustangs Mon 14-Oct-19 21:55:33

That is fucking wrong.

WWLoss Mon 14-Oct-19 21:56:24

What toy is it??

TBH I would be really mad. That is seriously gross.

boredboredboredboredbored Mon 14-Oct-19 21:57:44

hmm

Anon234 Mon 14-Oct-19 21:59:15

"The dogs are acting weirdly": erm, how so?!

PortiaCastis Mon 14-Oct-19 22:01:04

Blimey pensioners and butt plugs plus dangling doofahs on the verandah
The mind boggles smile

StealthPolarBear Mon 14-Oct-19 22:03:17

Yes he's clearly in this job for the kicks not the money. It needs reporting to the police imo.

Howlovely Mon 14-Oct-19 22:04:31

Sure.

Fruitbatdancer Mon 14-Oct-19 22:05:15

No advice, but sympathies. My parents got my cousin in to housesit and while they were there (but at work) my sister popped round to return something. There were 5 dildos/ vibrators on the side. I kid you not. We are still shock and no one has said a peep.

JoyceJeffries Mon 14-Oct-19 22:06:05

🧐

Thetiss Mon 14-Oct-19 22:11:04

Are you Jilly Cooper?

jessycake Mon 14-Oct-19 22:11:28

I'm crying with laughter here

biggles50 Mon 14-Oct-19 22:12:05

A message telling the truth will make him squirm. Dear Fred, enclosed please find an item which you left on our sofa. It was discovered by our 12 year old and after much googling we believe it to be an anal vibrator. Unfortunately we didn't have a pair of steralised tongs with which to handle it,
but regardless have posted it on as you might be concerned about its whereabouts. With this in mind we now wonder if you're the mysterious partially dressed man observed on our property. Regards.
Also message the agency. He sounds very grim.

DaphneFanshaw Mon 14-Oct-19 22:13:02

What toy is it ?

Apolloanddaphne Mon 14-Oct-19 22:15:25

Very nice.

LolaSmiles Mon 14-Oct-19 22:15:36

How bizarre.

StrongTea Mon 14-Oct-19 22:16:56

The post office person may ask what the parcel contains. Have an answer ready.

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