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8 year old's friend telling him about sex

(36 Posts)
Lima1 Mon 14-Oct-19 14:45:31

Hi all, just looking for a bit of perspective on this one. We are a fairly open family, we talk to the children about their bodies, puberty and the facts of life. I answer their questions in an age appropriate manner (I have boys aged 8 and 9 and a girl aged 11).

My 8 year old was watching a match with his dad the other day and two men were on top of each other after a tackle. DS said to DH "are they having sex?". DH was surprised and said no.
DS knows a bit about sex in that its something you do to have a baby but he wouldn't know the process of it.

I asked him about it last night and he said that two school friends were wrestling on the ground in school and his friend told him that the boys were having sex. I asked him what else his friend had told him and he said pointing to his groin "sex is when you hit this part off someone else privates".
He said that they were watching cartoons in school during lunch and one character bumped into someone else from behind and the friend told me DS that they were having sex. He also said he constantly sings "oh the sexy girls" while thrusting his groin out.

My DS used to be friends with this child a few years ago. At a play date I came into the living room and this child had his trousers pulled down and was trying to sit on my DS's head on the ground.
The two of them were caught a week or so later in the school yard with their trousers down weeing. I spoke to DS about it and he said this boy was telling him to pull his trousers down.
I discouraged the friendship after that but they are back in school a few weeks now and DS is sitting beside him and so they are out playing in school again.

Am I being overly sensitive about what is going on? I personally don't think his behaviour is appropriate for his age but maybe its normal. I am annoyed that he is telling DS this information particularly when DS clearly doesn't understand what it is.

I was going to have a word with his teacher and see if he can separate them. AIBU?

Mamasaurus82 Mon 14-Oct-19 16:18:18

Speak to safeguarding lead (usually head teacher) about it. It might be that members of staff/ other parents have logged other smallish incidents, but together it might indicate something more- seems he may have watched inappropriate tv/ heard too many inappropriate conversations. Could be more serious.

wanderings Mon 14-Oct-19 16:19:22

I was eight when I first heard the word "sex"; it was a playground word which children used in abundance because it was a bit naughty. I also had a book called "the Body Book", written for children, which described in some detail what parents do to make a baby, and had a picture of one on top of the other, although it didn't actually use the word sex, more "grown-up cuddle with someone you love very much" if I remember rightly. Because I loved quoting from books, I might easily have ended up repeating it in the classroom or the playground if I hadn't been told that such discussion wasn't appropriate, or brought the book in for show and tell. blush I remember overhearing a boy quietly being told to stop stomping round the playground saying "Fee fi fo fum"; I think because of what it rhymed with. There were also some sneaky older children who encouraged younger ones to accidentally make rude gestures (such as circle of finger and thumb with one hand, poke finger on other hand through it).

Some children might be well-informed on the facts of life, but need to be told that such things are not to be talked about in public, even if they might be discussed freely at home.

Northernsoullover Mon 14-Oct-19 16:21:51

A boy in my sons class pinched his nipples and on another occasion rubbed his pencil over his (the boy not my sons) genital area. This was at the end of year 6. In year 7 I went into see the head of year and made it clear that under no circumstances should they be in the same room on a forthcoming residential.
I said I had concerns about the childs behaviour but obviously I'll never know the outcome. I wasn't the only parent to have had issues with him.
What you are describing sounds far more serious so I echo the previous posters. You must speak to the school.

JemSynergy Mon 14-Oct-19 16:25:58

I'd mention it to the school as a safe guarding issue but children will hear all kinds of stuff about sex in the playground. My children's school teach sex ed in year 3 so my son was learning about it by 7 years old and the contents of those lessons usually spread all around the playground.

DC3dilemma Mon 14-Oct-19 16:34:48

@Lima1 you’ll get loads of people telling you that your 8 year old should know all about sex but you know yours best, and the approach of answering questions directly is usually best...I.e. just answering questions and not giving more info than they ask for, that way you tell them stuff they are actually ready to understand.

8 year olds really vary, and there is a lot of variation across the country. I grew up in an urban area and was definitely more aware and streetwise than my 8 year old who has grown up rurally. My 3rd child will probably know more, earlier, than my first.

But as for this other kid, he doesn’t just sound knowledgable, but somewhat sexualised...i’d be a bit concerned.

Lima1 Mon 14-Oct-19 19:58:41

For those of you who gave their children books about sex or gave them full details themselves, did any of them/you describe sex as the genitals "bouncing off each other". DS told me today that that is how the boy described sex.
Clutching at straws that that is where he got this description.

Simkin Tue 15-Oct-19 16:18:04

No. Because it's not accurate is it. 'Bouncing off each other' is more what you would describe if you saw sex without knowing what was actually happening.

It may be that nothing sinister is going on with the kid but if you talk to school you will have done as much as you can do about him anyway.

FrenchJunebug Tue 15-Oct-19 16:45:13

I would be worried about the other child comments and would contact the school. But I would also explain sex and sexual behaviour to my child without waiting for his questions. He is obviously confused and you need to sort this out.

99BehaviourProblems Tue 15-Oct-19 16:54:21

This poor boy has at best been exposed to some very inappropriate material and at worst overly sexual behaviour can be a sign of abuse. I would most certainly report it to the school but also find out what is being done. Because if the school do not take it seriously I would report to SS. Something is not right. And YANBU.

staydazzling Tue 15-Oct-19 17:00:09

its a wierd one, his knowledge seems inappropriate but simultaneously very naiive as he doesn't actually seem to know what sex is, like he's been told by an older very naiive child perhaps?

staydazzling Tue 15-Oct-19 17:04:57

i just thought maybe hes walked in on his parents, or seen something on a film? thats actually pro more likely.

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