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AIBU?

To think he's lying? trigger warning

190 replies

helpagirloutplease · 13/10/2019 07:48

Long time poster that has namechanged.

I don't know where else to ask. I have a 4 year old to a man I haven't seen for years. He had a mental health breakdown during pregnancy and did some terrible things (held me at knifepoint, tried to drive me into a wall, strangled me, tried to hang himself infront of me ect) and beat me up.

He was a working professional, and was arrested for assault and charged, then sent to prison. He breached the restraining order numerous times resulting in him going back to prison a few times and had my name tattooed on his chest even after all this.

I attended social services meetings and a meeting with psychiatrists at the time so I know that he was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and bpd. I haven't been in contact with him since the first time the police took him away (they took him several times after from outside of my house when he breached restraining orders but I didn't open the door). There is a no contact order in place for my daughter which I think is largely because he had no interest in engaging with nhs mental health teams.

I received these messages at midnight last night. I think he's lying, why would he do this to me?

OP posts:

Report

DontFundHate · 13/10/2019 07:52

@helpagirloutplease need to delete your ex's name

DontFundHate · 13/10/2019 07:53

Sorry you've been through this. What does the test involve? Just do it for peace of mind

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 13/10/2019 07:55

Because he's trying to hook you back in. Please stay strong for your daughters sake.

Also, he 'had' Huntingtons?? As far as I always thought you have the disease and there's no cure. I'm also not aware of the symptoms you've mentioned as being attributed to Huntingtons. Please don't engage, you are stronger than that!

LagunaBubbles · 13/10/2019 07:55

If he's lying it's designed then to worry you, pretty nasty thing to do. Problem is he might not be.

Marshmallow91 · 13/10/2019 07:57

It's just a blood test, to check for genetic markers, but you have time to think it over. It's not an urgent test so it can wait until you've spoken with your gp. Chances are he's probably lying, but might be worth getting her tested on the off chance he's telling the truth.

Ponoka7 · 13/10/2019 07:57

I'd contact SS for advice.

When i was in a CP team, there were instances when we would act as a go between to gain medical information.

If anything the harassment is going to start again and you need evidence of inappropriate contact, which that was.

In fact, you can also get advice via the Police. Did you have a specific DV section point of contact last time?

LagunaBubbles · 13/10/2019 07:57

Also, he 'had' Huntingtons?? As far as I always thought you have the disease and there's no cure

There isn't. But I think he's using the word had here to explain his reasoning for his past behaviour, not saying he hasn't got it now.

readingnc · 13/10/2019 07:58

I wouldn't respond but would take your daughter to get tested if that's possible.

coatlessinspokane · 13/10/2019 07:58

Your poor thing. If that is a lie that is surely the nastiest piece of manipulation ever.

The only thing you can do is speak to your doctor.

I think you need to ask him for more details of how he got tested. Ask him for proof from his genetic testing / doctor. If he refuses or uses it as a ruse to see you in person you’ll know why he’s doing this.

Ponoka7 · 13/10/2019 07:58

I should have added, i think this is a manifestion of one of his personalities.

Which is why you need to inform authorities, you don't know where this will go.

Ponoka7 · 13/10/2019 08:00

"I think you need to ask him for more details of how he got tested. Ask him for proof from his genetic testing / doctor."

Do not do that, you are then engaging.

AppleKatie · 13/10/2019 08:00

I would not respond either but I would go to the GP and discuss options.

helpagirloutplease · 13/10/2019 08:00

@DontFundHate ok sorry how do I do that?

OP posts:

freetony · 13/10/2019 08:01

Can you get the restraining order reinstated? Do that then either SS or GP to discuss if there is any truth in the medical matter, you don't need his input on any level.

I would also assume (again, I'm assuming as no technical knowledge of the system) that if he had a proven hereditary condition that put your daughter at risk he could have told SS who could have contacted you without his involvement.

helpagirloutplease · 13/10/2019 08:01

@DontFundHate ok sorry how do I do that? It's a disease you can't test for until she turns 18 (from a quick look) and it's a fatal condition so I've got 14 years of not knowing her future. I just feel fucked

OP posts:

SinkGirl · 13/10/2019 08:02

Did he show any of the early physical symptoms of this? I’m no expert but would have thought that if it was progressed enough to cause such extreme behaviour changes he would also show at least the first physical signs.

The difficulty is, even if he wasn’t showing signs then, that doesn’t mean he definitely doesn’t have it - it could have been picked up since and he’s using it to excuse his awful behaviour.

I’d definitely speak to SS and see if they can advise. I’m sorry you’re still having to deal with him.

helpagirloutplease · 13/10/2019 08:02

@DontFundHate ok sorry how do I do that? It's a disease you can't test for until she turns 18 (from a quick look) and it's a fatal condition so I've got 14 years of not knowing her future. I just feel fucked.

OP posts:

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 13/10/2019 08:03

You will need time to think about this, partly because he is an unreliable (to say the least) source of information, and partly because the decision to test for Huntingdon's is a huge one, particularly for a young child. Would you want to know, or want her to know, at this stage in her life? What is to be gained by testing now?

Frannibananni · 13/10/2019 08:03

The fact he sent them at midnight make me think they are all lies. Tbh if it was happening to me I would change my number and not engage with him at all.

blackcat86 · 13/10/2019 08:03

He's lying. Huntington's isnt something you just come back from. It is potentially very serious and hereditary so its definitely worth discussing the disclosure with DDs GP and sourcing a separate genetic test. To be, it seems like he's capitalising on the end of the restraining order and I would be very cautious of him and his motives.

LetThemEatDrama · 13/10/2019 08:04

Sounds like he's lying but I'd get your daughter tested just so it's not always in the back of your mind. When you were together did you know his family? Just thinking that if his parents/grandparents (depending on ages) were all alive or died of other causes it might reassure you a bit?

ohfourfoxache · 13/10/2019 08:04

He may well be lying, especially as the order has apparently recently expired.

But you need to log it with SS and probably the police, and think about getting your dd tested just in case.

I’m so sorry you’ve got to deal with this after all you’ve been through already

LiveFatsDieYoGnu · 13/10/2019 08:04

Just wanted to add that it’s very unusual for under 18s to be tested for HD, and it’s not something you just ‘get done’ without a referral to genetic specialists and genetic counselling sessions. So even if it is true, there is no pressure to respond quickly.

MRex · 13/10/2019 08:04

Don't engage with him and inform the police that the harassment may be starting again. Why would the restraining order "run out"? That is the urgent thing to deal with.

Whether you get a blood test for your DD or not is up to you; it certainly isn't urgent and it's more likely that he's lying. Did he have involuntary jerky movements at the time?

FairiesontheSwing · 13/10/2019 08:05

No engagement at all. Possibly approach SS/the police both to report the contact and to see if they have any info to pass on.

Would he have had time to get sorted enough to be married etc?

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