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Trans issue at work

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MNHQ have commented on this thread.

NooneToldMeItWasRaining Thu 10-Oct-19 19:04:56

I work with someone that is a trans activist and while i support their right to identify as they wish, I don't subscribe to the philosophy that you should be able
to change your biological sex on your birth certificate or that gender stereotypes define who you are as a person.

I really like this person, but i struggle with their outspoken views e.g. that transwomen should participate in women's sport and to say otherwise is hateful, that some women have penises, that she is a lesbian (they are a transwoman in a relationship with a biological woman) and trying to get us to add pro nouns to our emails.

I haven't said anything and I do like her, but I am struggling with these outspoken views so at odds with my own beliefs (and common sense!). I don't want to add sodding pro nouns to my email!!

Is there any way of politely refuting any of this stuff or do I have to sit and smile and nod along

TottieandMarchpane Thu 10-Oct-19 19:06:46

You could tell HR that you’re finding the repeated references to penises in the working environment oppressive. That might be a painless approach.

DriftingLeaves Thu 10-Oct-19 19:07:07

Just say you'd rather not. It isn't compulsory. And head for the loo when she starts to bang on.

BelleSausage Thu 10-Oct-19 19:07:43

Prepare for a flaming OP.

AIBU is full of people who will tell you to do anything you are told by a trans person. Even if it puts you at risk of harm or reinforces women’s oppression though out dated gender stereotypes.

MythicalBiologicalFennel Thu 10-Oct-19 19:09:28

Change topics? Something less controversial, like Brexit?

I'll get my coat grin

TeenPlusTwenties Thu 10-Oct-19 19:09:57

If it was someone trying to push religion, or vegetarianism or whatever on you, what would you do? Can you do that?

HandsOffMyRights Thu 10-Oct-19 19:10:41

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TottieandMarchpane Thu 10-Oct-19 19:12:57

TBH, Norma is a perfect time to take the stance that you’ve had enough political discussion to last a lifetime, what with Brexit and whatnot (be expansively vague here) and you’d rather not talk politics at work in future.

NooneToldMeItWasRaining Thu 10-Oct-19 19:13:06

Haha mythical

I suppose what bothers me is that while I accept how they want to present themself, by sitting and saying nothing it implies I agree with all this stuff, which I really don't. I don't think there is any way of saying that though without causing a lot of upset and probably being cast as a bigot

TottieandMarchpane Thu 10-Oct-19 19:13:18

Norma? confused Now.

MrGsFancyNewVagina Thu 10-Oct-19 19:14:20

I haven't said anything and I do like her,

I don’t know why. They sound like a typical misogynistic asshole. I’m a tetchy fucker, so I’d probably steer the conversation around to the lack of rights for many women/girls. Pick a subject every time they start, such as ‘did you see the documentary, the other night about those poor wee girls that are held down screaming, while their genitalia is horrifically damaged ”, then ”did you see that program about the period huts, where so many poor women die from the cold or snake bites, isn’t it horrific?” Every time your co worker tries to bully you into accepting their propaganda. Women and girls suffer because of their sex and can never identify out of that.

Purplequalitystreet Thu 10-Oct-19 19:14:23

I'd steer well clear of such a controversial topic in the workplace if I were you. There are plenty of other things to discuss

NooneToldMeItWasRaining Thu 10-Oct-19 19:14:28

I was scrolling back though and trying to find norma!

BelleSausage Thu 10-Oct-19 19:14:41


Not the same. Vegetarians have no direct effect on me. But a transactivist trying to redefine what a woman is and reinforcing out dated ideals of femininity directly effects me.

We are just starting to with the war on misogyny and are started by to convince men that women aren’t actually feeble minded display items and all of a sudden we are back to defining a woman as girly people who wear make up and like pretty things. Fuck that.

TottieandMarchpane Thu 10-Oct-19 19:16:56

I was scrolling back though and trying to find norma

Sorry! My phone has developed some terrible grudge against me 🤷🏽‍♀️🙂

Ilovechocolate01 Thu 10-Oct-19 19:17:15

You may be better off getting this moved to the feminism board as there's a lot of very knowledgable people on there about this issue

HandsOffMyRights Thu 10-Oct-19 19:17:18

and trying to get us to add pro nouns to our emails.*

No. Don't ever compel your speech to suit the lies some people tell themselves.

TeenPlusTwenties Thu 10-Oct-19 19:18:12

Belle I agree. But you could argue that the work place isn't the place for people to go on about their views.

Note if the colleague was saying they wanted to use the women's toilets I'd have taken a different view.

But otherwise saying politely / going to manager or HR that the workplace isn't the place for them to be going on about it, is maybe a reasonable approach.

StillWeRise Thu 10-Oct-19 19:21:36

block every attempt to get you on board with a very breezy
'I know that's what you believe, but we'll have to agree to disagree on that I'm afraid. Do you know if anyone's chased up those invoices yet?'
and repeat
always refer to their beliefs as beliefs
just like a religion- you can have a good working relationship with someone who has religious beliefs you don't share- no one expects you to agree with them just because you share an office

NooneToldMeItWasRaining Thu 10-Oct-19 19:26:05

Stillwerise that is good advice, thank you

belle you sum up my issue with sitting and saying nothing (which is what i have done so far)

Bellringer Thu 10-Oct-19 19:27:52

I think I would say, yes we know you are trans, we support your right to be trans but we don't need to hear about it all the time or change who we are. Don't engage. Check with your manager how woke your workpłace is, whether that is acceptable. Jesus this stuff is a pain.

BadSun Thu 10-Oct-19 19:39:59

Agree with others. I would deal with it the same way I used to deal with all other idiots/weirdos/people I didn't like at work. Just ignore, for the most part.

PepePig Thu 10-Oct-19 19:45:43

You're trying to create a problem when there isn't one.

Zzz1234 Thu 10-Oct-19 19:46:50

I’d have to bite me tongue, I respect their right to change sex etc but if someone’s kept on about it, I think I’d end up saying ‘excuse me but I was born a woman and haven’t had a penis, people who have had a penis/or still have them have no right to call themselves a woman and u will never know what it’s like to be a woman, you a a trans woman which is completely different’

3timeslucky Thu 10-Oct-19 19:49:26

I'm struck by how you're already tied in knots trying to accommodate the beliefs of this person. In your post you refer to your colleague as "this person" ,"they", a transwoman, a transactivist and state that you don't believe someone can change their biological sex which means you know this person is a man. You're already playing pronoun games. I feel exhausted just trying to follow a post where language is being twisted to accommodate beliefs. I can't imagine how tiring it is having to converse never mind listen to the propaganda.

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