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Friends have put a pole up in the middle of their living room.....

(458 Posts)
FieldsOf Thu 10-Oct-19 14:31:47

Two friends of mine, who are married and in their mid 30's. Let's call them Tom and Ann. One DS.

Ann's been getting into pole dancing recently. So last month Tom put a fixed pole up right in the middle of the living room. She 'practises' on it and they've had a few 'Pole parties' where other female friends come over and all have a go. Tom and all the other husband's love it and will just sit there while their 'amazing' wives are 'exercising' while they sit their toasting each other with their beer hmm

To be clear, it's a proper, fixed, permanent pole, that runs from the floor and attached to the ceiling. House is a small two bed semi. Living room normal size for that kind of house, ie - not extended and now there's just enough room for the corner sofa and TV.

Anyway this morning I get a text from Ann saying their DS, who's walking and bolting around now, ran into the pole and was in A&E all night! She sent me a photo and he has a massive golf ball size lump on his forehead, with lots of bruising already.
She told the doctor he hit it on the doorframe. hmm

They are 'okay' parents but generally seem to want to change very little in their lives since DS came along.
Tbh this friendship has been on its way out for a long time on my behalf anyway, this is the cherry on the cake.

AIBU to say this is:

- Incredibly selfish
- Dangerous
- Dishonest
- Bit weird
- Generally just pretty grim?

betternamepending Thu 10-Oct-19 14:45:59

It's just not your business really. The child is not being abused or neglected, he had a little accident. The parents can have a hobby if they want to.

If you don't like them you can stop calling them, but just breaking up a friendship because you don't like their hobby or home decor seems weird to me.

ViciousJackdaw Thu 10-Oct-19 14:46:24

Perhaps the pole should be somewhere else, in the bedroom maybe and it's a shame the kid smacked it's head on it but if it wasn't the pole he ran into, it would have been something else if he is 'bolting around'.

You sound very disapproving of the parties though - were you not invited or something?

Rainwilds Thu 10-Oct-19 14:47:08

Why is it GRIM???? Sick of hearing this word on here, it means nothing in this context. No, it’s not grim. Pole fitness/dance is a great workout and a way to build fitness and strength. It’s unfortunate that her child hit her head on it, it’s unfortunate she felt like she couldn’t tell the truth, but he could just as easily have Dont it on anything hard and stationary within the property.

Rainwilds Thu 10-Oct-19 14:48:15

“Okay” parents??? But haven’t changed enough for their child???

You don’t even sound like a friend in the first place!

Venger Thu 10-Oct-19 14:49:13

Their home, their choice what they do in it. The toddler could just as easily run into a coffee table in the middle of the floor.

I'd end the friendship though as it sounds as if you don't like them much and have drifted apart.

RolytheRhino Thu 10-Oct-19 14:49:22

So maybe they should cover the pole in foam padding or something when it's not in use? Doesn't make them bad parents. You don't sound like a great friend though.

Somebodystired Thu 10-Oct-19 14:49:26

Not a fan personally as I find a large pole in the middle of the room not aesthetically pleasing but YABU and really judgemental.

Nothing wrong with pole fitness, it's a great form of exercise. You wouldn't be kicking off if they had a treadmill, would you? Their DC could just have easily have hurt themselves on one of those.

BlackCatSleeping Thu 10-Oct-19 14:49:50

You sound a bit prudish. I don't see the big deal here. Maybe suggest a pool noodle to cover it when not in use.

53rdWay Thu 10-Oct-19 14:49:52

Go along to one of the ‘pole parties’, crack open a beer and ask Tom to show you his moves.

Temeraire Thu 10-Oct-19 14:50:00

The pole itself <<shrug>. The husbands watching en masse would be dodgy as hell.

DarlingBuds19 Thu 10-Oct-19 14:51:31

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DarlingBuds19 Thu 10-Oct-19 14:52:39

Maybe suggest a pool noodle to cover it when not in use.

Brilliant idea.

Alternatively don't have a fkg stripper pole up permanently in your front room.

Cynara Thu 10-Oct-19 14:52:41

I think they're better off without you. That's a lot of very specific judgement to be posting on a public forum about a supposed friend. Cut ties with them for their own good.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort Thu 10-Oct-19 14:53:14

Pole dancing is incredible exercise and doesn't have to be related to any of the stigma attached with it.
It's crazy the strength involved and you sound very judgey.
Kids bump their heads on things all the time.
Maybe you should actually watch some pole fitness/competitive pole dance competition videos on YouTube, bit of education on things you don't understand is usually your best bet!

RolytheRhino Thu 10-Oct-19 14:54:29

unless you are a tacky, chavy, silly twat

Well, aren't you a delight. Don't beat around the bush, darling, say what you really think.

MsChatterbox Thu 10-Oct-19 14:54:42

I do think youre being unreasonable. It's not to my taste personally but they are happy. Toddlers can run into anything. It could have been a supporting beam. He will learn to dodge it. What I wouldnt agree with is underwear and heels on pole in front of toddler but it doesn't sound like this is what is happening.

00100001 Thu 10-Oct-19 14:55:06

This is how many fucks you should give about a piece of furniture in someone else's house....


Rainwilds Thu 10-Oct-19 14:55:07


I was a stripper/pole dancer for many years. I am not tacky, chavy, silly or a twat. Stop being so prejudiced. You make yourself look far worse than any group you are being derogatory about.

DarlingBuds19 Thu 10-Oct-19 14:55:13

The husband's sitting round watching and drinking beer .... Cringe doesn't even cover it.

Does the wife have a tramp stamp tat by any chance? Do they have a fashionable dog?

Fiacla Thu 10-Oct-19 14:56:08

Well, I would find it equally weird if there were any other piece of exercise or 'exercise' equipment immovably fixed in the middle of the living room, like a treadmill or exercise bike. Though it would be rather odder if people's husbands sat around with beers at spinning parties admiring their wives RPMs. hmm

Campervan69 Thu 10-Oct-19 14:56:13

I remember going to a club that had a pole where girls took it in turns to show their moves with grubby blokes sat round loving it. I think it's grim as well op but we're clearly not cool girls.

00100001 Thu 10-Oct-19 14:56:51

The child could have hit his head on a door frame, a sideboard, a chair, the kitchen table, a drawer handle, the firdge, the hoover, the coffee table, the banister, the sink...

The pole in of itself is not dangerous.

Hadjab Thu 10-Oct-19 14:58:07

If I have to read the word grim once more....

raspberryk Thu 10-Oct-19 14:59:02

My friends have a pole in their downstairs open plan living dining area, she and her pole fit friends have practice there.
The weird thing is the husbands watching, maybe they are just there socialising? And lying about it in A&E.
Nothing wrong with having a pole though.

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